Weeding out old "out of season" acquaintances/friends

Steve

The Wonder Years,
Joined
Mar 4, 2001
Posts
3,493
Been a while since I made a Steve life-type post, and thought I ramble on for a bit here.

Seasons change, life changes. Most of us have experienced this -- whether it was us doing it or it was us being done to -- but you have a group of friends for a time, and over time you just move on. It's hard to end those. What do you say?

And I'm not talking about your bros. I'm talking like-minded acquaintances that you walked through life with for a season or two... but then they just keep inviting you out... when that season has come and passed in your life. A seasonal friend, rather than a lifetime friend.

For the past couple years I spent time with an older group. It was casual. They ranged from 40-55... all at least 10-25 years older than me. It was hard to relate sometimes, but we were in a couple shows together so that bond kept us. However, in the past year I've found it hard to connect with them esp. since I got too damn busy with work for the shows and insane rehearsals. Yet still they kept inviting me to dinner hang out after dinner hang out. I knew it was the end of the line when one time, I went, and 15 minutes into the evening I felt super awkward and like I'd rather watch a movie at home. Or fuck, play my SNES, lol. There's always that one RPG I still haven't played yet... lol ;)

They still include me on the mass email invites, but I have long stopped responding. I last saw them in person this past summer. It was a little awkward, esp. when at the end they asked me "Well, see you again right?" rather than a statement "Hey Steve hope to see you again at some point!" They asked the ? and waited for me to answer, lol. That was awkward, especially when I had it in my mind that this was it.

Breaking up with a significant other has a formula, sort of. One party verbally breaks it off. With friendships and acquaintances I find... one party usually drifts away... fading slowly... but surely. There is no "set protocol" and it can be tough to navigate when the other side is adamant.

Anyway, just rambling and would love to hear thoughts on this subject, or similar stories you've had. I know some might be of the school of thought "Fuck it Steve. Life is short. Just tell them fools off so they get off your back for good." I've never been that way, it's not my style and I don't like the feeling of "burning bridges" unless it's absolutely necessary. Unless they are persistently annoying (and in this case they aren't), I don't tell them off. Rather, I ignore and let it die down slowly but surely.

It kinda sucks, but you know, it is what it is. Hate to say that, but yeah, sometimes you have friends and acquaintances for a season or two, and then you guys part ways.

Now I see why all the young adults I invited back in 2011 declined. Guess the fear is if you accept, you get "sucked into the group" and shit like that. I can see that mentality in hindsight now. No wonder people are so picky to hang out these days. If it's not their "crew" or "circle" most people couldn't give a shit. As the saying goes, "ain't nobody got time for that."
 

WoodyXP

Setsuna's Owl Keeper,
15 Year Member
Joined
Apr 22, 2006
Posts
3,705
Anyway, just rambling and would love to hear thoughts on this subject, or similar stories you've had.

I never gave that stuff any thought. If I don't want to hang out with a group, or somebody.. then I don't. For me its that simple.
 

NeoSneth

Ned's Ninja Academy Dropout
20 Year Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2000
Posts
11,160
I've seen this more as I change jobs. The friends you made at a certain job just don't' transition well unless you put a lot of effort into it.
I used to be the one that didn't really contact people, but I try to be more proactive now. For one, it's solid networking to keep those people in your contact list.

Friends take effort as you get older. I'm much more aware of this now, so I try to grab people of lunch here and there.
 

GregN

aka The Grinch
20 Year Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2000
Posts
17,570
I've been depressed, anxious and unemployed these past two years fighting personal problems so haven't contacted many of my friends. Many of them have gotten married and had kids and don't have time. I see what you mean though. There's a former member of this site who I've seen off and on through the years and ran with some of his friends. I've been pretty isolated and have spent more time with my Mom and Dad lately especially since my Mom who I'm taking care of who had cancer 3 years ago and has recovered but has slowed down.
 

Fuzzytaco

Long Dong Silver.,
10 Year Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2012
Posts
2,012
I have weeded out just about all of my friends, as well as a significant portion of my family.
 

Phyeir

My only regret is that I have... Boneitis!
Joined
Mar 8, 2009
Posts
5,541
This just seems to be what happens as you grow more advanced in years.

When you're young, you think everyone is your friend or at least try to be friendly with everyone your age. Then you hit teens and get into clicks (or maybe even then it's weeded down to a hand full) Then college/early adulthood comes in and with the new freedom, suddenly your base re-expands from all your interest. From there, it just wanes because, as you said, "ain't nobody got time for that."

At some point, all the responsibilities just take hold of life, whether you want it to or not. Job, house, kids... they all take time. By the time your done, vegging in front of the magic glowing color box just makes a lot of sense.
 

theMot

Reformed collector of junk
10 Year Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Posts
7,765
This is why you need Facebook, you can keep in contact but don't have to actually meet with anyone.
 

SNKorSWM

So Many Posts
No Time
For Games.
10 Year Member
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Feb 5, 2010
Posts
15,152
Just about all of my friends are the same age group as I am. It's going to be hard to find anything common with people 10 to 25 years older. That's a whole other generation.
 

Average Joe

Be water, my friend.
20 Year Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2002
Posts
15,735
when you're younger it's usually about quantity

when you're older it starts to become more about quality

i don't have a lot of friends these days, but the few that i do have are some of the best people i've ever met

does suck when you all get older, work more, and have other responsibilities eating up your time that you don't get to hang out as much as you'd like, but that's just how it goes
 

Normdog

Kula's Diamond
10 Year Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2011
Posts
3,408
Haven't had much free time to hang out with friends this past year. I just work most of the time.
 

max 330 mega

The Almighty Bunghole
15 Year Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2004
Posts
4,304
I have weeded out just about all of my friends, as well as a significant portion of my family.


Haven't had much free time to hang out with friends this past year. I just work most of the time.

I am an exact combination of these two things. add this plus my best and close to only friend left standing being 3000 miles away, and having moved to a new city less than a year ago for a job and working graveyard shift, i literally have basically zero "in person" friends. If i didnt have my girlfriend, i dunno what the hell i would do.
 

Lastblade

Friend me on Facebook!,
20 Year Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2001
Posts
5,845
Acquaintances come and go. True friends will always be friends, even if you haven't contacted each other for decades and one day, you meet up and reconnect instantly.... No butt hurt, no accusations, no why you didn't call me or this and that..... Treasure those friends, they will always be there for you and will be there when you need them most.
 

F4U57

General Morden's Aide
20 Year Member
Joined
Feb 25, 2004
Posts
7,632
I've got this old work colleague who latched on big-time! He left about a month ago but calls at least twice a week and messages me all the time wanting to meet up. He was invited to my wedding two weeks ago but I spoke with him for about four minutes. Having a wife and a baby just takes up ALL of one's time and balancing any sort of friendships is generally with those in similar living situations or those that are comfortable meeting every few months.

My best mate was living in Canada for four years and only just returned. It was like he never left. They're true friends, and generally the ones that will last your life. I've also got the 'circle' of friends, all the wives get along (to an extent) and they're all growing up too.

I don't have time for any new friends so I can definitely understand the concept of seasonal friends. We had a group for about two years but I got drunk and told one what I thought of his missus, that ended pretty swiftly. Can't say I'm regretful or miss them either. Fuck 'em, actually.
 

SNKorSWM

So Many Posts
No Time
For Games.
10 Year Member
Joined
Feb 5, 2010
Posts
15,152
I moved a lot, and everytime I do I make new ones but lose the old ones.
 
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Blue Steel

previously "bubu_X"
Joined
Feb 26, 2003
Posts
3,838
I wouldn't worry about this too much, this is how life works. Maybe you'll see them again, and maybe you won't. Appreciate the times you had when you had them. Move on.
 
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