Movie opinions thread (what have you seen, what did you think?)

[rarehero]

Onyx The Fortuitous & The Talisman Of Souls- So this is a crowd funded horror-comedy made by this guy:

Whom I had seen pop up over the years in various clips but wasn't really familiar with his whole schtick. He's kind of like Kieth Apicary/Nathan Barnett. A guy playing a character that would show up and get interviewed at various conventions and local news features and never break character. Except instead of a spastic super annoying rubber limbed maniac he's a nerdy mall goth that's more than a little on the spectrum.

The plot is essentially that Onyx is a friendless loser working at a fast food restaurant who enters a contest to meet famed occultist Bartok The Great. Of course he wins and goes to Bartok's mansion with 4 other guests where they are promised immortality if they can complete 3 rituals. It's all a setup and Bartok is trying to summon a demon that will give him immortality and become the ruler of hell. Onyx of course is the chosen one who must defeat him.

The movie itself is definitely not for everyone but I was surprised by the level of quality. It feels like a real movie (albeit a fairly cheap one) and they even got Jeffery Combs and Barbara Crampton to star in it. I'm not sure the character needed a backstory but that's honestly some of the funniest stuff in the movie. Not all of the humor lands but there's enough charm and energy that it keeps things going. There's some pretty awesome practical effects including a scene where they recreate the Meatloaf video for I Would Do Anything For Love and one involving Gadget Hackwrench from Rescue Rangers. It's certainly a unique movie.

It's all very silly and self aware. For the most part I found it pretty enjoyable and never found the character too annoying. Jeffery Combs and Barbara Crampton are both great and are more than just token cameos. If you enjoy stuff like Todd And The Book Of Pure Evil or Idle Hands this is worth checking out. It's on Prime.

I thought it was worth a watch, but my wife wasn't especially entertained. I get what they were saying about the movie being a gateway horror movie for teens/preteens, and that it wasn't necessarily aimed at my demo. I liked the cast decisions with combs and crampton, and that was enough to get me interested in the movie. The onyx character was a little much, but it was somewhat tolerable. Also it was maybe a little too longer than needed. I loved the meatloaf cover.

 

[fake]

The Bodyguard
This is not at all what I expected. I thought the bodyguard was gonna be like Denzel or something. I feel like Estelle Costanza when she finds out Donna Chang is just some girl from Long Island.

Dirty Dancing
Ridiculous but still enjoyable.

Flashdance
A movie in which everyone sucks and an 18 year old bipolar girl somehow has a job in the welder's union. Ridiculous and unenjoyable.

Fame
A two hour montage of teenagers doing bad art and obstructing traffic. Ridiculous but enjoyable, mainly due to pacing / editing.

 

[terry.330]

Did you lose a bet or something?

 

[SouthtownKid]

Seriously. Even if a new girlfriend was involved, just any two of those movies in the space of a calendar year is overdoing it. All four together is a cry for help.

 

[wyo]

Check T levels immediately bro holy shit

 

[SouthtownKid]

Somebody set up an intervention for fake before he watches Desperately Seeking Susan, Moonstruck, Working Girl, and Xanadu all in one sitting.

 

[LoneSage]

fake, it's me, your old pal The LoneSage. You are on a righteous Path.

 

[Lagduf]

The Bodyguard
This is not at all what I expected. I thought the bodyguard was gonna be like Denzel or something. I feel like Estelle Costanza when she finds out Donna Chang is just some girl from Long Island.

Dirty Dancing
Ridiculous but still enjoyable.

Flashdance
A movie in which everyone sucks and an 18 year old bipolar girl somehow has a job in the welder's union. Ridiculous and unenjoyable.

Fame
A two hour montage of teenagers doing bad art and obstructing traffic. Ridiculous but enjoyable, mainly due to pacing / editing.

But, but, but…did you see homeboy had an ARP 2600 in Fame???

Best cameo by a synthesizer, period.

 

[fake]

I have the most T ok? The biggest T. Believe me. Unbelievable T. Just oozing with T.

I like Desperately Seeking Suzan.

And go back a few pages. I gave Working Girl a decent review.

But, but, but…did you see homeboy had an ARP 2600 in Fame???

Best cameo by a synthesizer, period.

And a Model D!

 

[rarehero]

Somebody set up an intervention for fake before he watches Desperately Seeking Susan, Moonstruck, Working Girl, and Xanadu all in one sitting.

I feel like Xanadu gets more grief than it deserves. The movie is not great, but there's a lot of cool things about the movie. A soundtrack by ELO, the last acting role for Gene Kelley, with the dude from the warriors and Olivia Newton John. It was 70s bizarre and a hodge podge of old musical styling mixed with new musical elements, not absolutely successful but was not altogether bad.

btw, here's my man card.

 

[Lagduf]

I have the most T ok? The biggest T. Believe me. Unbelievable T. Just oozing with T.

I like Desperately Seeking Suzan.

And go back a few pages. I gave Working Girl a decent review.


And a Model D!

I forgot he had that Moog. Kid’s parents were rich as fuck. Dad must’ve been on Wall Street lol. Him dragging that gear in was just ridiculous.

 

[SouthtownKid]

I like Desperately Seeking Suzan.

And go back a few pages. I gave Working Girl a decent review.

We have failed you. WE MISSED ALL THE SIGNS

 

[Taiso]

The name 'fake' now has a whole new meaning.

 

[fake]

I forgot he had that Moog. Kid’s parents were rich as fuck. Dad must’ve been on Wall Street lol. Him dragging that gear in was just ridiculous.

His dad was a taxi driver!

 

[jro]

Horizon: An American Saga pt 1 - no I will not be doing this fucking travesty justice with a review, I will be ridiculing it. I wasted 40 minutes on it and tried to kill myself 7 times. Apparently Kevin Cosner spent around $90 million of his own money to make this shit and then when it bombed Warners went well yeah hold off on that second three-hour opus.

Even if you have an open mind going in, it's just awful. Cosner writes and then shoots everything like it's the 1960s with literally zero improvements in acting, writing, et al. It's Shane without a good lead or good writing or anything good.

Anyway, I was initially curious to see what had led to this, I dunno, shitshow, but then I was just really annoyed to have wasted my time.

Unless your nethers will be electrified into nothingness if you fail to watch this do not do it.

On the other hand it's kind of hilarious to watch rich people light their money on fire.

Edit: Taylor Sheridan sucks also let's get a proper Gareth Edwards/Iko Uwais/maybe Donnie Yen western.

Also f in el football coaches man Mayo just tell everyone you're sacrificing Brissett to your embarrassing o line instead of letting Maye get killed on the field. People will understand.

 

[terry.330]

Suburban Sasquatch- One of the most embarrassing movies ever made, really just a shining example of total incompetence.

-Halloween store rubber arms and blood
-CG made on a G3 iMac in a high school computer lab
-Costumes so cheap and lazy the cops don't even have belts so they just put their handcuffs through a belt loop and have to hold their guns all the time.
-A Sasquatch costume that's literally just a gorilla suit with giant tits and a big swinging hairy cock.
-Sound effects that I'm pretty sure were made on a Talkboy from Home Alone

I could go on but it's just everything, it's all bad and wrong and it's amazing. i've been waiting a while to watch this and it didn't disappoint.

Basically Sasquatch goes on a killing spree as some sort of social commentary on humankind's disregard for nature. He can only be stopped by a mystical "Native-American" woman who is dressed like a teenage girl going to the mall in 2002 and an investigative journalist that no one believes because he looks like a giant 10 year old. There's also a pair of incompetent cops, one of whom it turns out had his wife kidnapped by Sasquatch a couple years earlier so he's got a score to settle. Yeah, apparently Sasquatch has been abducting women and taking them back to his cave made out of industrial garbage bags and mating with them but also sometimes just eat their rubber arms.

There's a ton of great scenes of Sasquatch just tossing rubber arms, ripping people's rubber arms off, drinking blood out of the rubber arms. He even rips a rubber arm off one guy and throws it at another guy hard enough to knock him out. He rips a stuffed toy poodle in half and eats it. Some lady eats a hotdog and then Sasquatch eats her rubber arm. You know real deep message social commentary stuff.

What makes it even funnier is the writer/director/editor/CG artist takes it all 100% serious. Like he set out to make a powerful statement and just completely failed in every possible way. Anyways highly recommended, it's a masterpiece of shit.

 

[Tarma]

King of New York (4K) - superb crime thriller from cult director Abel Ferrara; starring Christoper Walken as Frank White, a crime boss who, upon his release from prison, goes on a violent killing spree across New York eliminating his rivals. Walken is assisted by his loyal crew a key figure of whom is played by Lawrence Fishburne who gives a fantastic performance as a hardcore gangsta.
The cast is very impressive with Walken & Fishburne joined by Giancarlo Espositio, Steve Buscemi, and Wesley Snipes and David Caruso play two cops hellbent on bring White down, at any cost.
Walken plays his role rather understated, but nevertheless switches from charming to stone cold killer with aplomb. Fishburne steals all the scenes he's in, it's great to see him in such a bad guy role, and all the other supporting characters give solid performances.
I'd been waiting a long time to see this film, and it was well worth the wait - highly recommended.

 

[Teddy KGB]

Fishburne steals all the scenes he's in, it's great to see him in such a bad guy role...

When you see the credits roll in the beginning and he's credited as Larry Fishburne, you know you're in for a treat. I do recall it kinda fell flat at the box office when it came out, probably for a variety of reasons. I think Goodfellas came out the same week / weekend which probably didn't help.

Also, how's the 4K remaster... the one by Arrow right??

 

[terry.330]

Love the funeral scene where Walken rolls up and shoots Caruso in the face.

 

[SouthtownKid]

I think Goodfellas came out the same week

Did it? I thought King of New York came out years before Goodfellas. That's crazy. Maybe my faulty memory is because I watched King of New York when it came out, but passed on Goodfellas.

 

[Tarma]

Also, how's the 4K remaster... the one by Arrow right??

Very good, very good. It's not region locked, so if you can import it, I'd highly recommend it. I was fortunate that the in-laws have just paid a visit and brought it over for me after I picked up in a sale Arrow had earlier this year. It's a film I'd wanted to see for a long time, but as it wasn't streaming on any of the major services, I just went for the Arrow release when I found out it was available - and I'm sure glad I did

The picture quality is excellent and the sound just as good - those gun fights really ring out!

It's a shame this bombed when originally released... I don't understand why it failed as bad as it did, because from a visual point of view it has it all going for it.... I guess Walken wasn't quite the box office draw, and many of the supporting cast, even Fishburne, were not as well known as they are today.

 

[fake]

Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster
Pretty good, but I think Ghidorah should've gone on a more destructive rampage before fighting the other monsters. The final fight was a bit of a letdown, TBH.

 

[Syn]

Borderlands is on YouTube if someone's interested for free atm

 

[fake]

The Beast
If Lynch directed an episode of Black Mirror. In 2044 AI has taken over most jobs and deems humans incapable due to their emotions. Humans can apply for DNA cleansing, which may help eliminate their emotions and help them qualify for jobs. DNA cleansing involves an AI assisted reliving of the trauma accumulated through past lives. The movie shows the main character's trauma exposures – and the common threads throughout her multiple lives – from 1914 and 2014 before returning to 2044. It definitely could've been tighter but it's pretty unique and out there. I definitely recommend it.

 

[Lagduf]

Borderlands is on YouTube if someone's interested for free atm

I saw that and assumed someone uploaded it and the studio knew it was such dog shit they didn’t care to issue a DMCA.