Retro Gamer magazine's terrible Metal Slug feature --reviewed!

[Frankly]

As someone has already pointed out, regardless of how they feel about the author of an article and how they conduct themselves that isn't going to stop them from reading the mag.

What do you think it is that does stop lots of people buying Retro Gamer?

 

[Metal Slugnuts]

And yet somehow you're attributing a question I asked him to my own personal opinion about how I feel.

Of course he did...because it was a rhetorical question.

 

[strider]

What do you think it is that does stop lots of people buying Retro Gamer?

Well I know that I don't like the way Amy Winehouse conducts herself in public, but that won't stop me from listening to Back to Black. That's me though.

 

[Metal Slugnuts]

now i know...why he didnt mention Nazca.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazca_Corporation

This post made me lol the most

 

[zer0hue]

Strider – I have never read nor purchased your magazine, but the elegant and witty manner you’ve dispatched these pedantic dorks - even at the risk of financial ruin - makes me want to track down this issue. Take that, impotent boycotters.

Lithy – An instruction booklet is not a bible nor an encyclopedia. The fact that you slavishly regard it as one suggests you have more interest in vague definitions of fantasy characters than anything real that circulates around you. For instance - the swarm of snarky outsiders that have ravaged every pitiful argument levied against them.

Other Assorted Troglodytes - Disingenuous moralizing is the only thing explicitly juvenile in this thread. Not one pathetic sycophant from this website has the dignity to uncup his lips from Bobak’s sour teat and quietly declare, “Perhaps the reports of this author’s failure are greatly exaggerated.” Instead, a foolish crusade against naughty words and hurt feelings is waged by every foul-mouthed fool and coward. The strategy is to present a unified front of blind, foaming ignorance to repel the scary, well-spoken outsiders by locking shields and encircling the forum’s wounded king – a trivial, vacuous hobby. It might have worked, were it not so stupidly obvious that even I, a long self-loathing contributor of this forum, can easily decipher it.

That primitive, tribal mentalities run unacknowledged in the hives of high-technology is worth a snide chuckle. Never mind that the tiny army of invading barbarians - with their coarse language and uncouth humor – are immensely more clever and amusing than all the gabby clods that have skulked around this pit of infantile fixation for close to a decade. This forum deserves the plague of Stuart Campbell that it so rightly summoned - a swift purge of all that is effete and cocksure. Maybe then a few provocative people might converse without drowning in a tsunami of blubbering twats.

 

[Ancient Flounder]

Strider – I have never read nor purchased your magazine, but the elegant and witty manner you’ve dispatched these pedantic dorks - even at the risk of financial ruin - makes me want to track down this issue. Take that, impotent boycotters.

Lithy – An instruction booklet is not a bible nor an encyclopedia. The fact that you slavishly regard it as one suggests you have more interest in vague definitions of fantasy characters than anything real that circulates around you. For instance - the swarm of snarky outsiders that have ravaged every pitiful argument levied against them.

Other Assorted Troglodytes - Disingenuous moralizing is the only thing explicitly juvenile in this thread. Not one pathetic sycophant from this website has the dignity to uncup his lips from Bobak’s sour teat and quietly declare, “Perhaps the reports of this author’s failure are greatly exaggerated.” Instead, a foolish crusade against naughty words and hurt feelings is waged by every foul-mouthed fool and coward. The strategy is to present a unified front of blind, foaming ignorance to repel the scary, well-spoken outsiders by locking shields and encircling the forum’s wounded king – a trivial, vacuous hobby. It might have worked, were it not so stupidly obvious that even I, a long self-loathing contributor of this forum, can easily decipher it.

That primitive, tribal mentalities run unacknowledged in the hives of high-technology is worth a snide chuckle. Never mind that the tiny army of invading barbarians - with their coarse language and uncouth humor – are immensely more clever and amusing than all the gabby clods that have skulked around this pit of infantile fixation for close to a decade. This forum deserves the plague of Stuart Campbell that it so rightly summoned - a swift purge of all that is effete and cocksure. Maybe then a few provocative people might converse without drowning in a tsunami of blubbering twats.

Ban, plz.

 

[TonK]

He's right, they do all know what he's like.

Which is why he gets hardly any work these days.

Years of this kind of babyish behaviour has almost fucked him out of a living and brought him scarily close to the brink of bankruptcy. And yet it's always everyone else who's at fault.

Funny that.

Thanks buddy, I thought so.

Seems I was right the whole time.

 

[lithy]

Lithy – An instruction booklet is not a bible nor an encyclopedia. The fact that you slavishly regard it as one suggests you have more interest in vague definitions of fantasy characters than anything real that circulates around you. For instance - the swarm of snarky outsiders that have ravaged every pitiful argument levied against them.

Don't tell me you think they're zombies too!?

Listen, I never said that instruction books are faultless. But when discussing a topic as silly as this, what other source material do you have?

You know how they name all the enemies at the end of Super Mario World? Is there a point to that? No. Does that make all that information irrelevent when writing about the game? No.

 

[TonK]

Don't tell me you think they're zombies too!?

Listen, I never said that instruction books are faultless. But when discussing a topic as silly as this, what other source material do you have?

You know how they name all the enemies at the end of Super Mario World? Is there a point to that? No. Does that make all that information irrelevent when writing about the game? No.

I skip over things... who thinks what?

 

[lithy]

I skip over things... who thinks what?

Half the pages in this thread are devoted to whether the enemies in Metal Slug 2 Mission 2 are zombies or mummies.

 

[genjiglove]

Strider – I have never read nor purchased your magazine, but the elegant and witty manner you’ve dispatched these pedantic dorks - even at the risk of financial ruin - makes me want to track down this issue. Take that, impotent boycotters.

Lithy – An instruction booklet is not a bible nor an encyclopedia. The fact that you slavishly regard it as one suggests you have more interest in vague definitions of fantasy characters than anything real that circulates around you. For instance - the swarm of snarky outsiders that have ravaged every pitiful argument levied against them.

Other Assorted Troglodytes - Disingenuous moralizing is the only thing explicitly juvenile in this thread. Not one pathetic sycophant from this website has the dignity to uncup his lips from Bobak’s sour teat and quietly declare, “Perhaps the reports of this author’s failure are greatly exaggerated.” Instead, a foolish crusade against naughty words and hurt feelings is waged by every foul-mouthed fool and coward. The strategy is to present a unified front of blind, foaming ignorance to repel the scary, well-spoken outsiders by locking shields and encircling the forum’s wounded king – a trivial, vacuous hobby. It might have worked, were it not so stupidly obvious that even I, a long self-loathing contributor of this forum, can easily decipher it.

That primitive, tribal mentalities run unacknowledged in the hives of high-technology is worth a snide chuckle. Never mind that the tiny army of invading barbarians - with their coarse language and uncouth humor – are immensely more clever and amusing than all the gabby clods that have skulked around this pit of infantile fixation for close to a decade. This forum deserves the plague of Stuart Campbell that it so rightly summoned - a swift purge of all that is effete and cocksure. Maybe then a few provocative people might converse without drowning in a tsunami of blubbering twats.

Wow. You seriously typed all that out, didn't you?

 

[kernow]

Strider – I have never read nor purchased your magazine, but the elegant and witty manner you’ve dispatched these pedantic dorks - even at the risk of financial ruin - makes me want to track down this issue. Take that, impotent boycotters.

Lithy – An instruction booklet is not a bible nor an encyclopedia. The fact that you slavishly regard it as one suggests you have more interest in vague definitions of fantasy characters than anything real that circulates around you. For instance - the swarm of snarky outsiders that have ravaged every pitiful argument levied against them.

Other Assorted Troglodytes - Disingenuous moralizing is the only thing explicitly juvenile in this thread. Not one pathetic sycophant from this website has the dignity to uncup his lips from Bobak’s sour teat and quietly declare, “Perhaps the reports of this author’s failure are greatly exaggerated.” Instead, a foolish crusade against naughty words and hurt feelings is waged by every foul-mouthed fool and coward. The strategy is to present a unified front of blind, foaming ignorance to repel the scary, well-spoken outsiders by locking shields and encircling the forum’s wounded king – a trivial, vacuous hobby. It might have worked, were it not so stupidly obvious that even I, a long self-loathing contributor of this forum, can easily decipher it.

That primitive, tribal mentalities run unacknowledged in the hives of high-technology is worth a snide chuckle. Never mind that the tiny army of invading barbarians - with their coarse language and uncouth humor – are immensely more clever and amusing than all the gabby clods that have skulked around this pit of infantile fixation for close to a decade. This forum deserves the plague of Stuart Campbell that it so rightly summoned - a swift purge of all that is effete and cocksure. Maybe then a few provocative people might converse without drowning in a tsunami of blubbering twats.

 

[Baseley09]

I apologise on behalf of the English.

 

[cools]

Strider – I have never read nor purchased your magazine, but the elegant and witty manner you’ve dispatched these pedantic dorks - even at the risk of financial ruin - makes me want to track down this issue. Take that, impotent boycotters.

Likewise. I've so far shunned RG on the basis that I've grown up reading and playing what are now retro games, and didn't see the need to read yet more praise and waffle about old games.

Regardless of whether RevStu is writing, Strider's attitude demonstrated here as an editor has sparked my interest.

-4+2 - you're only down two readers

 

[LoneSage]

This thread can officially be bumped to epic status with my reply.


Game magazines outside of Japan attempting to write articles about anything neo geo related always turns out the same. Someone talking about things they know nothing about. People reading these articles are the usual "I wish I owned a neo geo" so they somehow take interest in the article, and think the writer actually knows wtf he is talking about.

I didnt read the article, but I dont have to, I already knew it would be a waste of time.

To summarize

To the author and mag people - dont waste your time, you dont know shit about the neo geo compared to many of the people on this board. So be happy that most of the people that read your article will be blissfully ignorant.

My opinion of the average idiot on this board is about the same, including the OP, whos law school days were spent trying to help Playmore sue myself for millions of dollars. Only to have them end up on the wrong end of an undisclosed settlement. They know jack about the Neo as well, but enough to hate an article you wrote. Get over it.

ChrisR

Why do you act like such a pompous dick? Really.

 

[Koopa64]

More Britians getting raped? Oh wow...

I wonder if Mr. Campbell will post this in another Definitive feature...

 

[SML]

zer0hue. A man who only posts when he believes he has something to say.

 

[Late]

Strider – I have never read nor purchased your magazine, but the elegant and witty manner you’ve dispatched these pedantic dorks - even at the risk of financial ruin - makes me want to track down this issue. Take that, impotent boycotters.

Lithy – An instruction booklet is not a bible nor an encyclopedia. The fact that you slavishly regard it as one suggests you have more interest in vague definitions of fantasy characters than anything real that circulates around you. For instance - the swarm of snarky outsiders that have ravaged every pitiful argument levied against them.

Other Assorted Troglodytes - Disingenuous moralizing is the only thing explicitly juvenile in this thread. Not one pathetic sycophant from this website has the dignity to uncup his lips from Bobak’s sour teat and quietly declare, “Perhaps the reports of this author’s failure are greatly exaggerated.” Instead, a foolish crusade against naughty words and hurt feelings is waged by every foul-mouthed fool and coward. The strategy is to present a unified front of blind, foaming ignorance to repel the scary, well-spoken outsiders by locking shields and encircling the forum’s wounded king – a trivial, vacuous hobby. It might have worked, were it not so stupidly obvious that even I, a long self-loathing contributor of this forum, can easily decipher it.

That primitive, tribal mentalities run unacknowledged in the hives of high-technology is worth a snide chuckle. Never mind that the tiny army of invading barbarians - with their coarse language and uncouth humor – are immensely more clever and amusing than all the gabby clods that have skulked around this pit of infantile fixation for close to a decade. This forum deserves the plague of Stuart Campbell that it so rightly summoned - a swift purge of all that is effete and cocksure. Maybe then a few provocative people might converse without drowning in a tsunami of blubbering twats.

Ah looky, so well-spoken and elegant, yet lacking in substance, all flowery
phrases and bullshit, it's Kid Aphex fake account that enters the fray, it doesn't take an iq of 180+ or an appreciation of early 90's hardcore to see the endgame, here.

Bedwetter.

*ninja edit*

This thread has summoned chrisr from the abyss, hail satan!

 

[Praise the Lard]

This isn't a rhetorical question: Who the fuck are you to decide what does and doesn't "belong" in RG? By what authority does your opinion on that matter supercede that of the magazine's own editor, not to mention the readers who've voted The Definitive one of the most popular series in the mag's history? (And every one is the exact same mix of meticulously-researched, painstakingly-accurate facts with some personal opinion for a bit of colour and fun.)

Q: Who the fuck are you to decide what does and doesn't "belong" in RG?
A: I am one of the many whom have supported the magazine for years running and jumped through hoops to selflessly promote what they believe to be a very worthy publication that deserves so much more.

This isn't a rhetorical question: Do you believe The Definitive being the magazine's most popular feature has a lot to do with you? After all, you act like you wrote every single one of them. Do answer honestly.

Indeed your article is for the most part accurate. However, with all that painstaking research, how did you not know that Metal Slug 4/5 were not released at budget prices? Certainly that must have been on the wikipedia page! I seem to recall paying about $60 a pop for them upon release for the PS2. Seems about "standard" price to me. I seem to recall that itty bitty flaw from my reading of the article. But, as I said, your article is just fine all in all. Besides, maybe I got ripped off and Stu really is just the all-knowing messiah he pretends to be.

I'm damn glad the piece rubbed people the wrong way, because I'm sick of reading dolts saying MS3 is the best game in the series just because that's what everyone else says, when it's actually a rancid pile of shit. It's just a little bit of cosmic balance, so goodness knows why you've got your pants in such a bunch about it. Go read some dimwit site that says it's the best because it's teh biggest and it's got spaceships and stuff and you'll be all happy again, no harm done.

You're giving yourself a bit too much credit I think. I'm not going to agree that MS3 is the best in the series, because it isn't. If you really want to know what has rubbed me wrong is all the credit you gave Metal Slug 7, which is quite easily the worst Metal Slug ever made in This Reporter's opinion.

From your web site:
"Metal Slug 7 is, rather startlingly, the best Metal Slug ever"

I'm afraid it's far too late to get any sort of box quote Stu!

...

In the end, the real travesty here is you are simply unable to conduct yourself in the same manner as Darran. There is a certain poise that comes with staying on the moral high ground, some might call this "being a professional". Unfortunately, after knowing you've somehow already existed 41 years, I doubt you'll ever understand it.

If you go back you'll see this thread has very little to do with your article and more to do with the way you've conducted yourself.

Let me save some time and summarise everything that will appear below this post: "We like Metal Slug 3 and you don't, wah wah wah wah wah wah wah."

Could you be more wrong?

 

[TonK]

Half the pages in this thread are devoted to whether the enemies in Metal Slug 2 Mission 2 are zombies or mummies.

Mummies - says so in "X" on the little "Mummy Hut" that pops up and gives you the Firebombs.

 

[Metal Slugnuts]

Mummies - says so in "X" on the little "Mummy Hut" that pops up and gives you the Firebombs.

All we needed was TonK

 

[Comrade Porn King Mikhail]

snip
Other Assorted Troglodytes

BWA HA HA! This is what I was waiting for.

Put away the thesaurus bro, nobody talks that way in person. Sometimes I think you're putting on one big joke for your next comedy routine.

What puts me off besides Stuart's incredibly unprofessional manner is the editor's refusal to rebuke him for this behavior. If I can't trust the editor to put his writers in place or the writers to act like mature adults, what's the point of buying the magazine?

And if indeed the PSX versions and other ports received more gameplay and reviews than the original MVS carts, then there is nothing "definitive" about this piece. No fan of Neo Geo or Metal Slug truly cares about the presence of combat schools, extra artwork unlockables, or minigames. That's not what arcade Metal Slug was about and any "retro" fan trying to get his way back into the Neo Geo has to remember where the original roots lie.

Sincerely,

Mikhail

 

[Lagduf]

This thread is truly magnificent. Truly it is. ChrisR's post has assured this thread will ascend in to the hallowed Best Of section. Truly an immortal thread and a true testament to how big of a douche this Stuart Campbell guys is.

I post now for posterity, but also to add that MS2 has Mummies and MS3 has Zombies. They are different enemies in game with completely different effects when you're hit with their attack.

I'd rather be a mummy (in game) than a zombie any day. The fact that you can't duck as a zombie is crippling and not even the blood vomit attack is a proper compensation.

MS2's Mummy stage doesn't feel slow but MS3's Zombie stage does.

I'm glad to have contributed to this useless but entertaining debate.

Game on kids!

 

[strider]

What puts me off besides Stuart's incredibly unprofessional manner is the editor's refusal to rebuke him for this behavior. If I can't trust the editor to put his writers in place or the writers to act like mature adults, what's the point of buying the magazine?

So let me get this straight, you want me to publically tell Stuart off for his behaviour on a public forum is that right? Is that how people you know are usually told off then?

 

[Lagduf]

Really? Most people would regard "shitting out crap" as a little off in polite company. You wouldn't use it in front of the Queen, say.

When Stu posted this I almost died of laughter.

I'd shit on the Queen if given the chance. But a lot of you know how I feel about the monarchy and English "tradition."