Maybe you should tell him to go outside and kick a ball?
It's
April in Alaska. The skies are dark gray and our lawn (if you want to call it that) resembles more muskeg than turf. A neighbor's child was playing in their front lawn in a kayak. Horrors long buried in the snow have begun to reveal themselves, the ground is wet, soft, and mushy, and deadly CO2 has started to seep into the atmosphere. Anything that touches the ground should also be washed and sterilized; dogs have covered the world with a winter's worth of their excrement, and when it was frozen solid, it was easy to avoid, but the tilt of the earth has now made that nearly impossible.
Also, I presume you've not been around too many kids. They tend to have a mind of their own, even when it hasn't been captured by a games company known for privacy breaches.
I think I just need to say something here, your eloquence is weird for this place. The closest member I could compare you to would be Oliverclaude, a German, who goes out of his way to sound like a member of the royal family but in fact is just a baker in Cologne.
I don't think I've ever been called eloquent. I failed to become a writer in my early days (turns out, writing is hard and UNIX was much easier), and what you consider eloquent may be old habits, but thank you.
For the record, I also make my own bread, though I tend to think of royalty as a governing concept at least 230 years out of date.
—Scott