Bisexual wives?

[Ninjatemper]

Anyone have a bi wife or girlfriend? Does your relationship work well? What sort of rules / boundaries do you have in place, etc. What sort of pitfalls have you encountered and have you been able to get past them or have they left the relationship in shambles?

 

[aria]

This may not be the ideal place to get the opinions you're looking for. Have you considered searching the archives of Dan Savage's Savage Love column? He's probably covered this dozens of times and mentioned resources or experts that might be places you can search.

His articles are easiest to search off of Seattle's alt weekly The Stranger (where he originates out of), or the various syndicated sources --including The Onion A/V Club. He has a lot of people in that situation who write in. Here's an example from just this past March.

 

[abasuto]

Open relationships always fail.

I'm sure some don't, but from personal experience 100% of them I've seen have been disfunctional as hell. Jealousy is prone to spark, hooking up with other people done out of spite and the people envolved in them always seem to have deeper issues. Issues that lead them into the open relationship lifestyles.

ie....every swinger girl I've known has turned out to be a total nutjob. Deep seeded personal issues.

Bi-chicks are fun for sex, bad for serious relationship.

 

[NeoSneth]

Open
ie....every swinger girl I've known has turned out to be a total nutjob. Deep seeded personal issues.

Bi-chicks are fun for sex, bad for serious relationship.

Both these statements.
Do it for fun.....and bail before it gets crazy.

 

[Marek]

A rare instance of Abasuto having spot on relationship advice.

 

[aria]

Open relationships always fail.

Gay couples seem to be able to make it work in the long run --usually when both parties are included.

How does that prohibit a bi couple willing to give the same stipulations?

 

[abasuto]

Gay couples seem to be able to make it work in the long run --usually when both parties are included.

How does that prohibit a bi couple willing to give the same stipulations?

Not sure what you mean by "both parties" in a gay relationships. All the gay people I know in relationships just have one partner. No different than a monogamous straight relationship.

It's not so much the person being bi, gay or straight, but being active with other people while in a relationship. The swinger multiple partners just tends to leave the doors open for a lot of bad shit. Jealousy being the most common.

Another example....what if the actively bi- girl hooks up with another girl who hates you (the guy). What if you hate her. Your girl likes her and gets along with her great, but you two are instant mortal enemies.

Shit like that can happen. I'm sure we've all delt with our SO's having friends we don't care for that much, but imagine if that person was leaking fluids in your bed. What if that friend was a lesbian who's doing everything within her power to convince your girl to ditch you and be with her ?

She could be shady as hell, trying to start shit to ruin your relationship. Keeping a relationship going normally can be trying at points, certainly doesn't help to have your girl fucking someone else doing everything they can to ruin it.

So my former post was more directed at multiple partners, more so than sexual orientation.

 

[BobbyPeru]

I'll chime in and agree with Abasuto. I've watched several open "healthy" relationships dissolve into hateful messes because someone always gets hurt (usually the partner who is most adamant that they won't).

If you feel the need to be with more than one partner, put your monogamous relationship on hold, and have some fun on your own.

 

[SouthtownKid]

Open relationships always fail.

I'm sure some don't, but from personal experience 100% of them I've seen have been disfunctional as hell.

Same here.

 

[NGT]

I have a couple of "swinger" friends. They are older though, 40 or 41, married for years with a 16 daughter and 18 year old son. They don't really have a open relationship like they can go out and do anyone they want, but they have their "couple friends" that are ok to mess around with. My wife and I are definitely not one of them, lol. I think that helps with the trust aspect of things, although I'm sure there's some underlying jealousy in there somewhere.

 

[Neo Ash]

No first hand experience. However, a very good friend was engaged to a chick that was down chicks. She was a freak...posted videos and pics of herself online doing all sorta of freaky shit (I've tried like a sonbitch to find it lolz). After the relationship got serious she "deleted" all the stuff on her page...site...whatever. In reality there is no delete button on the internet....but that's getting off topic. She turned into a total cheating whore about 2 months after they became engaged. So yeah...stay away from the bisexuals despite how fun it may sound.

 

[Poonman]

They sound like fun to screw around with but I definitely wouldn't make a baby with one.
My family tree has plenty of nuts but no fruits; I don't want some chicks "gay genes" fucking it all up.


And no, I'm not trolling nor do I hate gays, but I DO find them annoying and having a gay son would be a nightmare. Life is depressing enough as it is.

 

[2D_mastur]

Like Abs said...fuck bi-chicks, don't marry them.

 

[DanAdamKOF]

My girlfriend is bi, and is 100% committed to me, as am I to her. Been dating for 6 years almost and her swinging both ways has never been an issue. I have no fears she's going to get bored of me because I'm a guy or anything like that.

Our relationship is fine, and we've never had any pitfalls. We're not open in the slightest, since that's what most of the above are getting at. We're perfectly fine only having each other.

I think the only "rule" we have that might apply is that it's ok for either of us to sleep an A-List celebrity, just to say we did so.

 

[fake]

My girlfriend is bi, and is 100% committed to me, as am I to her. Been dating for 6 years almost and her swinging both ways has never been an issue. I have no fears she's going to get bored of me because I'm a guy or anything like that.

Our relationship is fine, and we've never had any pitfalls. We're not open in the slightest, since that's what most of the above are getting at. We're perfectly fine only having each other.

I think the only "rule" we have that might apply is that it's ok for either of us to sleep an A-List celebrity, just to say we did so.

That's surprising. I always figured bi girls would eventually want a girl, even just once in a great while. I always thought of it like ice cream since I like both vanilla and chocolate. I'd be able to go with just one for a long time, but once in a while, I'm sure I'd be like "Dammmn I want that chocolate ice cream so BAD right now." And then I'd resent vanilla for not being chocolate and holding me back.

 

[complexz]

same position as dan here, my girl is bi, but that doesn't mean we're in a open relationship and she can sleep with girls while I just get her.

That would be kinda lame to me, just because I don't like dicks means I have to be faithfull while she can have sex with other people? naw, we are either commited or open, if you wanna sleep with other chicks then I wanna sleep with other chicks too

That's surprising. I always figured bi girls would eventually want a girl, even just once in a great while. I always thought of it like ice cream since I like both vanilla and chocolate. I'd be able to go with just one for a long time, but once in a while, I'm sure I'd be like "Dammmn I want that chocolate ice cream so BAD right now." And then I'd resent vanilla for not being chocolate and holding me back.

I am not going to disagree with you here, but you don't ever have that problem in straight relationships? That whole issue is the hardest part of any committed relationship to me, except both chocolate and vanilla are girls.

 

[fake]

I am not going to disagree with you here, but you don't ever have that problem in straight relationships? That whole issue is the hardest part of any committed relationship to me, except both chocolate and vanilla are girls.

Right, right, but I think it's easier, so to speak, for a bi girl to use that as an excuse, for lack of a better term. "I need to sleep with a girl once in a while because I'm bi. You just have urges." etc. I kind of assume that in general it would be more difficult for a bi girl to be faithful than for a straight one. You basically double the amount of people that she could be sexually interested in. Plus, I don't think I could handle it. I'm the type that worries if a gf is hanging out with dudes I don't know. If she's bi and hanging out with dudes and girls I don't know, my brain would be running wild.

 

[SNKorSWM]

How about finding TWO bi girls, so they can sleep together and satisfy that part of the urge. Of course, that means 3P for you.

 

[ki_atsushi]

 

[Hot Chocolate]

I'll chime in and agree with Abasuto. I've watched several open "healthy" relationships dissolve into hateful messes because someone always gets hurt (usually the partner who is most adamant that they won't).

If you feel the need to be with more than one partner, put your monogamous relationship on hold, and have some fun on your own.

This

 

[K_K]

same position as dan here, my girl is bi, but that doesn't mean we're in a open relationship and she can sleep with girls while I just get her.

That would be kinda lame to me, just because I don't like dicks means I have to be faithfull while she can have sex with other people? naw, we are either commited or open, if you wanna sleep with other chicks then I wanna sleep with other chicks too



I am not going to disagree with you here, but you don't ever have that problem in straight relationships? That whole issue is the hardest part of any committed relationship to me, except both chocolate and vanilla are girls.

this seems to sum things up i think. if she wants to mess around then that's the end of things is what i'm getting from this. kind of you staying within the definition of a relationship. just because she might have been with a couple chicks back before you two got together doesn't mean she's unable to commit herself to you, and just because you've been with a few chicks before her doesn't mean you can't commit yourself to her either. i think the problem comes in when people start getting bored of each other, and things start to slowly die. but the thing that gets me is how can she call herself bi when she's in a committed relationship with a dude? doesn't that just make her straight? the bi-ness to me is gone when she isn't fucking other broads. lets say for more than a year

 

[complexz]

yea I guess she is straight as far as I am concerned while I am with her, which is cool with me. bi just means she is attracted to both, not she has to fuck both constantly in order to be sexually fulfilled(though I'm sure such a girl exists, I doubt she's the majority of bi girls).

a real relationship with a bi girl is identical to a relationship to a straight girl, except you might both catch your eyes wandering to the same strangers ass when walking in public. I guess a open relationship with a bi girl would be a whole different can of worms but having a bi girl does not mean you have to have a open relationship. Everyone definitely gets bored in a relationship and that's the hardest part in any long term relationship to me, but I don't think bi girls get bored any faster.

But I guess I could be the minority, really the only reason I know my gf is bi is because she identifies herself as bi, I've never seen her with a girl or anything and she has never proposed having a open relationship or a threesome or anything like that. I don't imagine she ever will either as she is probably more territorial than I am lol.

 

[aria]

This is a good example why a website like NG.com isn't a good substitute for proper therapy.

 

[K_K]

This is a good example why a website like NG.com isn't a good substitute for proper therapy.

what? you think some of the misogynistic, he-man, sex crazed, depraved lunatics we have roving in this veritable wolf's den disguised as a video game website aren't good for a few helping words? for shame bobak. merc, neobuyer, wasabi, they all give great advice. that and we have plenty of level headed family men here too. i think we're not a terrible website for a spot of advice from time to time. but i wouldn't make this the first place on the list.

 

[caleb1883]

Here's my experience. If you are with someone who has had led a highly active hookup lifestyle, that person will have an extremely difficult time leaving that lifestyle behind for good. If you are thinking about a long term, get married and stay that way relationship then the other person has to be willing to accept all the terms that come with it. Many people think they can do it and get months or years in and decide they can't. If you are looking to be monogamous these type of people will seem like a lot of fun at first, but down the road they will more than likely decide they need the excitement of hooking up again and then you are left with a broken heart and a lot of wasted time.

More than likely a girl who is bi did some experimenting to get there and is not going to be the monogamous type. It's hard to say if a lot of hooking up gets girls to being bi or emotional issues do. It's probably one or both. The two girls I've known that are bi, had deep issues that made them fun to hang out with but you would never want to deal with them past that. It would take years of therapy to get them to be able to handle a relationship, and they aren't going to admit that they need it.

And I know what your thinking because any straight male thinks like this. "She's bi, its cool, she won't run around on me, she's so much fun to be around, she'll be real fun in bed. She's a really awesome girl I should give this a shot." She could be awesome, as stated before it could work. But that's more than likely an exception rather than the rule.