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I do not know French and I do not know how to use an online translator. Please translate the following sentences for me. Thanks. 1. je parle francaise un peu 2. c'est la vie :) :) :) :)

You Might Be A Redneck If..... 1. The only diploma on your wall is from DUI school. 2. Your knife is sharper than you are. 3. The only words you say in court are "I dunno". 4. The tallest building you've ever seen was a water tower. 5. The biggest town you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. 6...

A man has 27 parts that won't work: 20 Nails that won't nail 2 tits that won't milk 1 belly button that won't button 2 balls that won't roll 1 cock that won't crow and 1 ass that won't work What the hell are you smiling about------------you've got a pussy that won't chase mice! <img...

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did and her hands warmed up. The next day the...

Hope it's not too late wishing you a Happy Birthday. Have a good one since there are several more hours left. :) :) :) :)

WHAT NOT TO NAME YOUR DOG Everybody who has a dog names him Rover or Roy. I named mine "Sex". When I went to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too." When I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she...

DIVORCE WHILE DRIVING A married couple is driving along a highway doing sixty mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce". The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy...

Old Farts A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chicks. Look what it has done to...

A woman went to a pet shop and saw a beautiful parrot listed for sale with a price tag of $15.00. She asked the shop owner if the parrot could speak and why was the price so cheap. The owner replied stating that the parrot had a foul mouth and its last residence was a whore-house. In order to...

Supervisor Quotes:- 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This employee is really not much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." 4. "Works well when under constant supervision...

Chapter 1:SIGNS OF WEAR "OLD" is when....An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee! "OLD" is when...."Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. "OLD" is when...."Getting a little actiion" means I don't need fiber today. "OLD" is when....A sexy person catches your fancy...

Heimlich Maneuver A piece of meat was lodged in a woman's trachea while she was dining out in a restaurant. The poor woman became panicking when she failed to cough that piece of meat out. She put her hands on her throat showing the universal stress sign of choking. Not far away, on another...

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife: Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time...

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the...

An old lady went to an iceream parlour and asked the attendant working there for a scoop of chocolate icecream in a sugar cone. "Sorry, we are out of chocolate icecream", said the attendant. "Very well, get me a scoop of chocolate icecream in a cup", replied the old lady with some hesitation...

This topic was interrupted by the hacker last week. Let us continue our discussion. Please bring forward your valuable inputs. 'Can money buy happiness?' and why? <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img...

Here is another joke for you fellow members: When you are sad, ... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad. When you are blue, ... I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you. When you smile, ... I'll know you finally got laid. When you...

Shawn, could you set up more contests in the near future, such as 1. The best LIE 2. The best POEM 3. The best JOKE 4. The best SAD SYORY Your attention to this matter is greatly appreciated.

1) Survey shows that the average time a lawyer takes to choose a gift for his child is 10 minutes. It takes a lawyer 45 minutes to pick the right gift for his client. 2) Clothes don't necessary make the man, but a good suit makes a lawyer. -Milton Berle 3) The judge...