I play
Christmas At Ground Zero every Christmas just to piss off all the PC minded dipshits who hate the song. Everytime someone plays that Paul McCartney song "Having a wonderful Christmas Time" I put on Weird Al Yankovic.
Never been on Welfare (heck I don't know what half those acronyms mean when applying as a new hire for a W-4/W-2 applicable job), but growing up, there was this MAXELL tape that made the rounds every Christmas in the neighborhood just outside of Lackland AFB here in SATX. I can't find a link to the actual song, but here's the lyrics, maybe some of you will remember it. To this day I play that Maxell tape every Christmas.
HO, HO, HO. OPEN UP YAH DOORS!
I'm Santa Claus and guess what y'all
I got something to show
I came to bring some Christmas Spirit
I got a big bag now guess what's in it
Something for the rich and something for the po
So Merry Christmas and ho ho ho
L.A. Sunshine:
Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas my foot
I'ma tell you what Santa really put
Under my so-called tree but in reality
Looked like nothin but a decorated pole to me
Special K:
Man, you talk about a tree it makes wonder
Cause I never had a tree to put anything under
If I ever did luck up and get a tree
There was never anything under it for me
Kool Moe Dee:
Man I don't what y'all talking about
Cause when I come to your town I just get chased out
I thought you would be happy to see Santa Claus
But all ya say is stick 'em up and give me yours
L.A. Sunshine:
You lucky all you did was get ripped off
Next time you'll keep your big fat ass up north
Because after my last few Christmas nights
If I see you around my neighborhood I'm shooting on sight
Special K:
And I ain't even got a chimney for you to come down
So ain't no need for you to be coming around
Cause the last so called Santa that came in with a sack
Wasn't giving out presents he was taking them back
Kool Moe Dee:
Man y'all should be glad that I didn't quit
Cause I'm getting too old for this Santa Claus shit
Y'all thinking I'm getting presents made for free
I gotta' pay them elves and ain't nobody paying me
L.A. Sunshine:
You big fat whale you might as well quit
Cause I can name a hundred presents that I didn't get
And if I did get a present it would be a hand-me-down
Yo I got this for Christmas now how that sound
Special K:
It sounds good to me cause I'm about to freeze
You wanna see something look at the bottom of these
Me and brothers can't go out at the same time
Cause a coat that's theirs is a coat that's mine
Kool Moe Dee:
Man I know one thing y'all better get off my neck
And wait till you get ya welfare check
Go on down to the office and stand on the line
Better hurry up see I got mine
Chorus:
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle for the po
And once you get your welfare check
Y'all can kiss my mistletoe
Ho Ho Ho
Ho Ho Ho
L.A. Sunshine:
That's why the presents keep getting mixed up
Cause year after year you keep fucking up
And now I know why cause you're always drunk
Instead of G.I. Joe you send me this junk
Special K:
That ain't a G.I. Joe that's a G.I. jerk
With a kungfu grip that don't even work
So all I did was just put him away
Cause my G.I. Joe looked G.I. gay
Kool Moe Dee:
That's why you don't get presents now
Cause you just ain't grateful
If the G.I. Joe is gay what difference does it make
After all he's just a doll ain't too much he can do
If you ask me boy I ain't to sure about you
Special K:
Man forget about that what about these shoes
Instead of Christmas Carols I'm singing the blues
Staring at the clock looking hard at the time
Cause I just played the number combinated on a dime
L.A. Sunshine:
I played 234 and put a penny on 7
Combinated 412 and deleted 11
Put my last five cents on 356
And after all that I didn't hit shit
Chorus:
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle for the po
And once you get your welfare check
You won't play the numbers no mo
Ho, ho, ho won't play'em no mo
L.A. Sunshine:
Alright listen bluto which your big fat suit
Next time say no don't send no substitute
Because I asked you for a beatbox and you know what I got?
Doug E Fresh, you know that kid from down the block
Doug E Fresh: (beatboxing)
Special K:
For a fascimile we must admit
Doug E Fresh is good and made a perfect fit
He's the only reason why we weren't totally mad
Without Doug E our Christmas would've been really sad
Chorus:
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle for the po
And once you get your welfare check
Even Doug E Fresh go go
Ho,ho,ho Doug E Fresh go go
L.A. Sunshine:
To top Christmas off I had no loving in a while
I love to have sex but I can't afford a child
My girl wants a baby but I had to chill
She said if you don't want a baby then you take the pill
Special K:
What is Christmas for? Huh
What is Christmas for?
L.A. Sunshine:
What is Christmas for?
L.A. Sunshine & Special K:
Yeah! What is Christmas for?
Kool Moe Dee:
Wind up toys that don't wind up
Talking dolls that don't shut up
This is the type of present that you buy when you're poor
So that's what you have to settle for
And it ain't no secret that everything's sunny
If you're living in Palm Springs with all that money
Americanomics works and I won't argue that is true
But if the economy is getting better, getting better for who?
Well if you ask me I'm doing much worse than before
With the welfare cuts I don't eat no more
So if I did wanna' go out I couldn't go no where
Cause I ate every last one of them reindeer
Rudolph first I went down the list
I got so hungry I just couldn't resist
I ate Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Dixon
Fried'em up and then started to mix'em
And before you knew it they were all gone
I wonder what y'all gonna do about my reindeer song
L.A. Sunshine & Special K:
We'll sing silent night and jingle bells
And all those christmas rhymes
Cause nobody gives a shit
About your reindeer and hard times
You just Jingle and Jangle and hang out with the po
and when you get your welfare check
You can buy reindeer by the score
Kool Moe Dee:
Well let's get Doug E Fresh and Magnificent Force
And head on out the do
And leave these party people singing
Jingle, Jangle for the po
Chorus:
Jingle, Jangle, Jingle for the po
Don't take us for granted cause you may never know
One day when you least expect it
We could even up the sco
So just jingle, jangle, jingle with the po
Sing!
Jingle, jangle, a jingle jangle with the po
Jingle, jangle, jingle with the po
Jingle, jangle, a jingle jangle with the po
Jingle, jangle, jingle with the po
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