LOL!! This is some of your best recent shit. XD
not sure how good it works but its free. seems like it might wrk for you.
http://trackr-launch.herokuapp.com/
get yourself some liquid ass
http://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Ass-Mi...TF8&qid=1394220005&sr=8-1&keywords=liquid+ass
dump the contents in a few packages and seal it up good. mail to yourself. follow the smell.
for no cost I'll give it a shot.
Unless it gets stolen before you get it.
The reviews are great.
Every time you push the sprayer you summon the Ass Genie. A single squirt is the equivalant to approximately 20 very full litter boxes. 3 squirts and you are flirting with a trailer park full of cat bung and turd-possums.
The key finder idea sounds like a good option. You could also leave the thief a note/letter (something like this) -
get yourself some liquid ass
http://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Ass-Mi...TF8&qid=1394220005&sr=8-1&keywords=liquid+ass
dump the contents in a few packages and seal it up good. mail to yourself. follow the smell.
Remember the novelty can of peanuts full of spring-loaded snakes? This is what you need to do, but with your shit. Get one of those containers and relabel it like it's a kitchy Rolex or Tiffany promo item - something some thieving asshole couldn't resist opening. Push those snakes down with a dowel and load it with turd - make sure it's not too runny - you don't want it to seep gravy.
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get yourself some liquid ass
http://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Ass-Mi...TF8&qid=1394220005&sr=8-1&keywords=liquid+ass
dump the contents in a few packages and seal it up good. mail to yourself. follow the smell.