spike, the story of your ma sounds almost exactly like my dad. he ditched my sister and i to live a life of drug use, alcoholism, and random women. i guess when he married my mom, and popped out a couple of kids he realized he wasn't ready for all of this. so instead of taking the sensible route, he went off the deep end. and its the same story you know, countless times of being told he'd be there and then sitting there staring out the window and being let down again. so i get where you're coming from with your story dude.
and now that my dad has congestive heart failure. he's still a bit functional from what i understand but can't do anything that puts any strain on him. maybe i should make an effort to make some peace with the guy, as i know he's not long for this world. my childhood was spent with a lot of moments like you describe spike, waiting on someone who never shows up. and when i got older turning my back completely on them because i didn't need them as a kid, and hardened myself to them as a grown up. but your story well, it gives me a bit of insight on what the right thing to do is in the situation. on maybe how to go about making amends, or at least getting some closure on the whole thing before he does kick off, which i'm sure isn't long. i haven't heard from him since i was about 14, but i do know he still knocks around in austin as my aunt (his sister) keeps track of that whole side of the family, and she is good people.
i wish you the best bro, and from the sound of it and the way this thread goes it sounds to me like you're more grown up than your mother ever was, more mature, settled, and centered. and that my friend is something you can't buy and can't be taught. you've learned it through seeing her mistakes and her bad examples. and you've learned how to walk and stand, and act as a man. providing for those who need you, and doing your best to do the right thing. that's integrity, and that is something it takes years of hard graft to learn, but you got it. and that's something to be proud of, and maybe thank your ma and her bad examples for forming it all for you. you learned how not to live your life, just as i did from my dad who lived the same way as your ma. you've got many years ahead of you to teach your own kid the lessons to what it is to be a grown up. and its a good thing you had such a good teacher yourself.
so thanks for giving me some insight on my situation, and your situation, my friend it seems you've championed that situation with the eloquence and grace of someone who'd been through it a few times. i think there's not much i can say to it, other than good luck and my condolences.
