cosigned for my mom.....biggest mistake

munchiaz

Robert Garcia's Butler
Joined
Nov 13, 2011
Posts
1,299
You seem like a good son munchiaz...Dont be too hard on your mom, do what you can to help her out. Its only money, you can make that up later on in life. Dont let it destroy your relationship with your mom.

very right. would never do that. Just want her to make better life choices
 

LoneSage

A Broken Man
20 Year Member
Joined
Dec 20, 2004
Posts
44,681
You seem like a good son munchiaz...Dont be too hard on your mom, do what you can to help her out. Its only money, you can make that up later on in life. Dont let it destroy your relationship with your mom.

You're looking at this from an Asian family thing. Problem is the mother clearly does not share those values. It isn't just about money, either.
 

Lastblade

Friend me on Facebook!,
20 Year Member
Joined
Aug 13, 2001
Posts
5,839
You are commendable for taking care of your mom. But, it doesn't seem like you should be punished for it. Don't lend her any more money but offer non-financial help, if that is within your means.
 

Lets Gekiga In

Neon Night Rider
20 Year Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2003
Posts
11,914
Dave is not infallible. That guy 100% has an agenda.

Oh I agree, I know he tries to sell stuff all the time on his programs. I was just making mention that the topic sounded like the title on one of Ramsey’s YouTube clips.
 

Fuzzytaco

Long Dong Silver.,
10 Year Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2012
Posts
2,012
You seem like a good son munchiaz...Dont be too hard on your mom, do what you can to help her out. Its only money, you can make that up later on in life. Dont let it destroy your relationship with your mom.

What's crippling debt compared to the love of a terrible parent
 

Cylotron

ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪
15 Year Member
Joined
Sep 14, 2004
Posts
3,711
I was considering getting a 2nd vehicle and making payments on it to help build my credit some more. I ended up finding some young lad who was trying to sell his old Honda Civic hatchback(has a newer one now) in order to buy a new PC. Luck had it that I had such a PC he was looking for. We ended up doing a trade. Granted, I've since spent about $2k on repairs on the thing... but now my spending $20/week on gas when I used to spend $60 - $80/week on my old car. :mr_t:
 

BIG BEAR

SHOCKbox Developer,
20 Year Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2001
Posts
8,222
Don't do any deals with financial institutions,etc..THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND and specialize in fake news as some have mentioned here.. Pay that sh8t down as soon as possible.Don't dwell on the amount owed and stay on top of the situation like you are doing now.
DON'T POKE THE SLEEPING BEAR
BB
 

Heinz

Parteizeit
15 Year Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2005
Posts
22,294
Yeah, it's not helping her in the long run if you enable her self-destructive cycle by bailing her out.

I have a family member that has been bailed out their entire life, it doesn't end well when the funds are cut. It's like the apron strings being cut but the child is in their 50's, chaos.
 

GregN

aka The Grinch
20 Year Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2000
Posts
17,570
That's a pretty fucked up role reversal. Doesn't the kid normally ask the parents for money?
 

mainman

CPS2 Person.,
20 Year Member
Joined
Mar 26, 2001
Posts
3,716
That's a pretty fucked up role reversal. Doesn't the kid normally ask the parents for money?

Only those kids who parents aren't losers who only accomplishments in life are their kids themselves. I have tons of stories of my parent fucking up my financial life but I will just tell the one that made me open my eyes when I started out on my own.

Short version, one of my parent calls me crying they need money to pay their rent. I tell them the only money I have is my rent money to which they asked if they could borrow and repay before it was due. I agree and come two days after the due date I call and ask where's my money and get two minutes of silence followed by I don't have it. I hung up the phone and thought my own parent put them self before their child and knowingly have put me on the verge of eviction. My brother gave me the money back and that is how I kept my apt but I learned much like my brother did before me don't let my heart cloud my judgment when dealing with your parents.
 

GohanX

Horrible Goose
20 Year Member
Joined
Sep 28, 2001
Posts
12,485
.
dec2d0cbd5e4642fa7be2004d4d56b02.gif
 

SouthtownKid

There are four lights
20 Year Member
Joined
Oct 12, 2003
Posts
26,871
I have a family member that has been bailed out their entire life, it doesn't end well when the funds are cut. It's like the apron strings being cut but the child is in their 50's, chaos.
Plus, for whatever weird cosmic reason, when someone bails a family member out like this, what you as a rational person would predict would be gratitude from the bailed out family member. And of course there's gratitude at first, at the time of the bailout. But what you actually get typically over time is resentment. And I guess the resentment is born out of the person's feelings of guilt and shame, but it still seems counter-intuitive.
 

LoneSage

A Broken Man
20 Year Member
Joined
Dec 20, 2004
Posts
44,681
Plus, for whatever weird cosmic reason, when someone bails a family member out like this, what you as a rational person would predict would be gratitude from the bailed out family member. And of course there's gratitude at first, at the time of the bailout. But what you actually get typically over time is resentment. And I guess the resentment is born out of the person's feelings of guilt and shame, but it still seems counter-intuitive.

What's crazy is Americans never pay back loans from family or friends. That's practically unheard of here.
 

100proof

Insert Something Clever Here
10 Year Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2014
Posts
3,572
That's only if your fucking parents arn't stupid with how they handle their money. No kid should have to take care of a parent's stupid debts if it's something that could have been prevented by using fucking common sense.

Yeah fuck that shit. My wife's parents are the poster children for loving and honoring your parents without ruining your life getting dragged down by their stupid decisions. In addition to sticking my wife with $80k in high-interest rate college loans because they decided to open a business with her college fund the year before she left for college (the business was closed within 6 months because they're morons and have no idea how to run a business), when it comes to money, they make the stupidest possible decision in any given situation.

Perfect example: they wanted to retire at 55 and travel the country in an RV. So, at 55, despite their only assets being a dilapidated house that they took poor care of (should've been worth $450-500k in the area they lived but they could only get $300k for it because it needed well over $100k in repairs to be livable) and a measly 401k, they sold their home and bought a 10-year-old, used RV for $120k which they then proceeded to take about as good care of as they did their home. Needless to say, they've had to spend over $150,000 dollars over the last three or four years replacing damn near every part on their "home" because they were too cheap and stupid to spend the money up front on a new/new-ish rig and too stupid and cheap to do all of the necessary routine maintenance on a mobile home. Now they've blown through most of what little they had in savings and have had to go back to working jobs they hate when my wife told them NUMEROUS times to not buy a used rig, not think they can retire on what little money they had, fix things when they were making noise (before they catastrophically blew out and cost them 10 times as much as it would've otherwise) and that they couldn't treat their new home like they did their old home.

Bottom line is that we agreed several years ago that when her parents inevitably blow their retirement savings (and they're well on their way at age 60), we're not giving them money and they're not allowed to stay with us. If they're unwilling to take my wife's advice and want to leave their financial future in the hands of god (a common refrain when my wife offers them sound, reasonable advice), god can handle their inevitable homelessness and poverty. We're not going to be punished because they don't understand the most basic principles of finance and are too pig-headed to take advice and offers of assistance from people who want to help them. We're doing well enough in our lives that we can live comfortably and afford nice things but we're not well enough off that we can support their stupid asses and we're sure as shit not ruining our marriage letting them live with us.
 

theMot

Reformed collector of junk
10 Year Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Posts
7,577
parents messing your credit up is a disaster...I'd know. My father took out five credit cards in my name when I was 18, maxed them all out, never paid a cent

Took 5 years of court cases and battles to get my credit back up to perfect. Upside is I defended myself in court twice and beat lawyers so...that was fun!

Lol your dad is a champion. What did he buy with the cards? :D
 

SouthtownKid

There are four lights
20 Year Member
Joined
Oct 12, 2003
Posts
26,871
What's crazy is Americans never pay back loans from family or friends. That's practically unheard of here.
I had a friend whose little brother (who he used to pick on mercilessly) loaned him money to help buy a house and the little brother not only made him pay the money back, but pay interest. The interest was their mom's idea, and it split the brothers permanently (well, about a decade and counting). I have since distanced myself from all these fools.
 

LoneSage

A Broken Man
20 Year Member
Joined
Dec 20, 2004
Posts
44,681
I had a friend whose little brother (who he used to pick on mercilessly) loaned him money to help buy a house and the little brother not only made him pay the money back, but pay interest. The interest was their mom's idea, and it split the brothers permanently (well, about a decade and counting). I have since distanced myself from all these fools.

So over here there's still a dowry, where the groom gives the bride's parents money. A friend's sister got married, and the guy gave the parents about $2,000 (this was about 10 years ago). Anyway the friend said her parents never used the money but instead saved it and put it in a savings account, or something I dunno.

I also dunno why I'm telling you this. But I have never, ever had a good time lending someone my shit or money, ever starting back in 3rd grade. I have also never, ever asked to borrow anything or money from anyone. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't like people who ask to borrow money.
 

munchiaz

Robert Garcia's Butler
Joined
Nov 13, 2011
Posts
1,299
Yeah fuck that shit. My wife's parents are the poster children for loving and honoring your parents without ruining your life getting dragged down by their stupid decisions. In addition to sticking my wife with $80k in high-interest rate college loans because they decided to open a business with her college fund the year before she left for college (the business was closed within 6 months because they're morons and have no idea how to run a business), when it comes to money, they make the stupidest possible decision in any given situation.

Perfect example: they wanted to retire at 55 and travel the country in an RV. So, at 55, despite their only assets being a dilapidated house that they took poor care of (should've been worth $450-500k in the area they lived but they could only get $300k for it because it needed well over $100k in repairs to be livable) and a measly 401k, they sold their home and bought a 10-year-old, used RV for $120k which they then proceeded to take about as good care of as they did their home. Needless to say, they've had to spend over $150,000 dollars over the last three or four years replacing damn near every part on their "home" because they were too cheap and stupid to spend the money up front on a new/new-ish rig and too stupid and cheap to do all of the necessary routine maintenance on a mobile home. Now they've blown through most of what little they had in savings and have had to go back to working jobs they hate when my wife told them NUMEROUS times to not buy a used rig, not think they can retire on what little money they had, fix things when they were making noise (before they catastrophically blew out and cost them 10 times as much as it would've otherwise) and that they couldn't treat their new home like they did their old home.

Bottom line is that we agreed several years ago that when her parents inevitably blow their retirement savings (and they're well on their way at age 60), we're not giving them money and they're not allowed to stay with us. If they're unwilling to take my wife's advice and want to leave their financial future in the hands of god (a common refrain when my wife offers them sound, reasonable advice), god can handle their inevitable homelessness and poverty. We're not going to be punished because they don't understand the most basic principles of finance and are too pig-headed to take advice and offers of assistance from people who want to help them. We're doing well enough in our lives that we can live comfortably and afford nice things but we're not well enough off that we can support their stupid asses and we're sure as shit not ruining our marriage letting them live with us.


College fund.......thats hilarious. Never had such a thing, neither did my wife. Lets just say we have a lot of student loan debt. But we are steadily paying it off. Which makes loaning my mom money here and there a real big issue. Im gonna have to get on her again, because she still hasn't done what I asked her which is giving me as list of all her expenses
 

100proof

Insert Something Clever Here
10 Year Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2014
Posts
3,572
College fund.......thats hilarious. Never had such a thing, neither did my wife. Lets just say we have a lot of student loan debt. But we are steadily paying it off. Which makes loaning my mom money here and there a real big issue. Im gonna have to get on her again, because she still hasn't done what I asked her which is giving me as list of all her expenses

lol My wife wanted to make sure it was made clear that her college fund consisted largely of monetary gifts she had received from other people over the previous several years that her parents wouldn't let her have because they were "for her college fund" including all of her batmitzvah money and that she couldn't get any financial aid (despite her parents being in incredible debt when she went off to school) because the way their taxes were constructed that year, it made it look like they had made $400k.

Obviously other people have it bad too and she's doing fine now (has largely paid off her loans) but needless to say, she's bitter as shit.
 

norton9478

So Many Posts
No Time
For Games.
20 Year Member
Joined
Oct 30, 2003
Posts
34,074
Some people just need to fail.

I had my Brother In Law sleeping on my couch and borrowing my car. On top of that, he was making more than both of us put together.

I never asked him for a dime for 3 months so he could get his shit together. Over that time, he was bringing home about $800 a week and got a profit sharing check worth several thousand dollars.

Did he buy a car or even a motorcycle?
Nope.
 
Last edited:

Lets Gekiga In

Neon Night Rider
20 Year Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2003
Posts
11,914
Some people just need to fail.

I had my Brother In Law sleeping on my couch and borrowing my car. On top of that, he was making more than both of us put together.

I never asked him for a dime for 3 months so he could get his shit together. Over that time, he was bringing home about $800 a week and got a profit sharing check worth several thousand dollars.

Did he buy a car or even a motorcycle?
Nope.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
 

HDRchampion

Before you sell me something, ask how well my baby
10 Year Member
Joined
Mar 30, 2010
Posts
4,485
Never really appreciated the things my parents did for me growing up. Im in my 40s, i have a family of my own now. Just the amount of sacrifice & giving me life is enough reason to make sure to help them for the rest of their days. The OP seem to have his shit together so im sure his mom had something to do with that.

I wouldn't listen to the low life faggits here, who probably had a bad upbringing. Who probably have a miserable relationship with their parents/siblings so they want to spread their negativity/bitterness to you. This is opportunity for you to really have a good talk with your mom and how you can prevent her bad spending ways.
You're looking at this from an Asian family thing. Problem is the mother clearly does not share those values. It isn't just about money, either.

Yeah that's pretty much what's wrong with western culture...You raise kid, kick them out when they are 18...When the parents are too old, the kids dont want to take care of them.

In the asian culture, parents let them stay however long they want. They sacrifice and pay for their education/car/house...When their career starts, have a family and when the time comes for the parents who can no longer take care of themselves the kids help.
 

Fuckwit1200

NAM-75 Vet
Joined
Jan 29, 2018
Posts
1,017
Spoiler:
Never really appreciated the things my parents did for me growing up. Im in my 40s, i have a family of my own now. Just the amount of sacrifice & giving me life is enough reason to make sure to help them for the rest of their days. The OP seem to have his shit together so im sure his mom had something to do with that.

I wouldn't listen to the low life faggits here, who probably had a bad upbringing. Who probably have a miserable relationship with their parents/siblings so they want to spread their negativity/bitterness to you. This is opportunity for you to really have a good talk with your mom and how you can prevent her bad spending ways.


Yeah that's pretty much what's wrong with western culture...You raise kid, kick them out when they are 18...When the parents are too old, the kids dont want to take care of them.

In the asian culture, parents let them stay however long they want. They sacrifice and pay for their education/car/house...When their career starts, have a family and when the time comes for the parents who can no longer take care of themselves the kids help.
:D quoted this gem.
all the way up to 18 huh?
as for the asian piece, just look at how fucked their culture is vs the original west.
NO original thought, just blind collectivism, there's DIRE consequences for dissent.
yeah, it's true, yet grudgingly so.
just hang around a typical family, be the fly on the wall and watch the psychodrama unfold. :(
connections are forced, not given freely. :mad:
 
Top