- Joined
- Sep 4, 2011
- Posts
- 3,624
My mother-in-law is a JW; they swooped in at a time in her life when she felt broken after her husband left, and she's been at zealot level ever since. She got my wife and her sister tangled up in it when they were young, but my wife moved across country (where we met in BC) and decided for herself that the logic was/is fundamentally flawed and the thinking archaic (woman serves the man, etc.). For the first few years of our marriage, my not being a JW was a point of contention between my wife and her mother.
For the longest time, it was to a point where, when we'd go to my folk's for Christmas, we couldn't even say the word 'Christmas' in my mother-in-law's presence without getting an earful. Now, years later, and after being respectful of her beliefs and showing temperance on the subject, we can talk about these things and she understands that we have our views and she hers when it comes to non-secular holidays and celebrations like birthdays.
The stance I've always taken with JWs about this sort of thing is, if life is a precious gift, then how can it be wrong to celebrate it with loved ones? It's not about stuff, like gifts, but about celebrating everything that's added to that person over another year, and reflecting upon the years that have been that make them who they are. Christmas is about family to me, and so I will always say that, despite how hectic life can be year round, Christmas is an opportunity to stop and drop everything and just celebrate being together.
I'm over simplifying it with greeting card language, but maybe the prudent course here would be a gentle reminder for your daughter as to what these kinds of celebrations really mean on an emotional level, a human level, but in a way that isn't preachy or suggests consequence (like, "if you don't go, you'll regret it later!"...that never works.)
I too have seen people that cut out family members who don't join the fold, as it's pressed into them that they should stay away from any influence that goes against the teachings. My wife was still getting jeers when we lived in Toronto after she left the religion when former 'brothers' and 'sisters' would see her out and about.
HDR, I hope you're able to keep your daughter from going too deep down that rabbit hole. Patience with kids is key, they want to discover things for themselves, and you've spoken with confidence in the past of the job you and your wife have done raising your children, so - and no pun intended here - have faith that they will make the right choices, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
For the longest time, it was to a point where, when we'd go to my folk's for Christmas, we couldn't even say the word 'Christmas' in my mother-in-law's presence without getting an earful. Now, years later, and after being respectful of her beliefs and showing temperance on the subject, we can talk about these things and she understands that we have our views and she hers when it comes to non-secular holidays and celebrations like birthdays.
The stance I've always taken with JWs about this sort of thing is, if life is a precious gift, then how can it be wrong to celebrate it with loved ones? It's not about stuff, like gifts, but about celebrating everything that's added to that person over another year, and reflecting upon the years that have been that make them who they are. Christmas is about family to me, and so I will always say that, despite how hectic life can be year round, Christmas is an opportunity to stop and drop everything and just celebrate being together.
I'm over simplifying it with greeting card language, but maybe the prudent course here would be a gentle reminder for your daughter as to what these kinds of celebrations really mean on an emotional level, a human level, but in a way that isn't preachy or suggests consequence (like, "if you don't go, you'll regret it later!"...that never works.)
I too have seen people that cut out family members who don't join the fold, as it's pressed into them that they should stay away from any influence that goes against the teachings. My wife was still getting jeers when we lived in Toronto after she left the religion when former 'brothers' and 'sisters' would see her out and about.
HDR, I hope you're able to keep your daughter from going too deep down that rabbit hole. Patience with kids is key, they want to discover things for themselves, and you've spoken with confidence in the past of the job you and your wife have done raising your children, so - and no pun intended here - have faith that they will make the right choices, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
