Review of the Zoo - A JockMan Special

madmanjock

Bare AES Handler
20 Year Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2002
Posts
7,726
I've always wanted to post in the creative section, despite not actually having any talents. Thanks to the iPhone however, even a blind amputee can now become a semi-decent photographer, so I'm in with a chance.

For this reason I have decided to share some of my special wildlife photos, captured in the Five Sisters Zoo, West Calder, eariler this week.

I have done mini-reviews of some of the animals I saw in the style of GregN, LWK and others from the review section of Neo-Geo.com. I hope that in doing so, many of you can appreciate nature in its entirety, in a format which you can understand.

The entry to the Zoo is £12.95 for an adult, but with it being Autism awareness month the good news is that a confession get a £2.50 discount and carers go for free, a true bargin and likely of interest to many on this forum.

Artic Wolf

IMG_2136.JPG

Graphics: Much larger than your average dog, has white fur but doesn't look like a pussy. Good job Artic Wolf. 4/5

Audio: Let out an almighty howl before feeding time that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on edge, even although the wolf was behind an electric fence. Excellent. 5/5

Gameplay: Fierce animal that wasted no time in scaring visitors with fangs and howls. Did take a bit too long to find the beef which the keeper didn't hid very well ontop of a log, so I have to dock a point for that. 4/5

Rarity: The WWF puts the Artic Wolf as "Least Concern", which is great news if you want to see one of these Wolves in the wild or at your local Zoo. But if you are a collector of Wolves, or want to hang the head of one above your fireplace, it isn't going to set you apart much from your peers. 2/5

Overall: An impressive beast which has alot going for it. Just don't expect to be the envy of your collector pals if you get one for reals. 4/5

Eurasian brown bear

IMG_2148.JPG

Graphics: This bear was 30, which is quite old for a bear and it was starting to show in its tired looking fur. Nevertheless, it showed a great understanding of water based physics which is impressive, for a bear. 3/5

Audio: The bear didn't make much noise apart from slopping around in the water. Average at best. 2/5

Gameplay: The bear had no shame in batting its wet balls around the pond in public. Clearly this is the sort of cool dude you'd like at a party, only to find him at the end of night shagging your sister. Despite him being twice her age. 3/5

Rarity: Unlike Pandas, the Eurasian brown bear knows how to hunt and how to fuck. This means it is only rated as "Least Concern" despite humanities best efforts. Shame, as it is still a cool bear and deserves better collector status. 2/5

Overall: This bear would keep you entertained up until the point it became dangerous to you and your family. Recommended. 3/5


I'm afraid that is all I have time for today. But if you wish I can always provide more mini-reviews for other animals such as lions, monkeys and otters if demand is high. Thank you for reading.
 
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FilthyRear

Neo-Geo.com's, Top Rated Bully.,
15 Year Member
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Jan 24, 2007
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Subscribed!

I love the zoo.

That wolf is badass.

Is that bear really 30 years old?
 

madmanjock

Bare AES Handler
20 Year Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2002
Posts
7,726
Thank you FilthyRear, I am overcome by your support.

Yes that bear is at least 30 years old. They had three of them all similar ages, but one died over the winter of old age, so sadly this swimming bear is on borrowed time. Not to worry though, they have new bears coming in the next couple of weeks. Thank goodness these bears aren’t very rare!
 

Kid Panda

The Chinese Kid
Joined
Jun 13, 2010
Posts
12,514
I will trade a Bengal Tiger for two of your White Wolves. I'll need to see papers on them, cause you know they are making repro wolves in France now.
 

madman

Blame madman, You Know You Want To.,
Joined
Jun 1, 2007
Posts
7,518
Finally, a fake madman post I agree with.

Spoiler:
The part where he says he doesn't have any talent.
 

Gaston

Mature's Make-up Artist
Joined
Jan 15, 2003
Posts
1,352
I'd be lying if I said that this didn't make me chuckle out loud.
Looking forward to more reviews!
 
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