Describe a fav. game of yours poorly/creatively

Simple. Pick the premise or w/e of a game you like and describe it much differently while still being kind of accurate!

in the arcade game OutRUn you take the role of a 18 year old blonde woman in the passenger seat of a red mustang convertible driven by your boyfriend(?) as he fingers you at speeds exceeding 380 km/h during the most nihilistic street race ever seen in Florida.

Ghouls n ghosts- guy risks life and limb twice per play though to go to the demon world and get some pussy. But that describes a lot of old games though.

Example: Haunted Castle- Simon goes to Draculas castle to stop him from dicking down his bride. It's not like the other games where Dracula is freshly resurrected; he's been wreaking havoc, it doesn't seem to bother Simon until he can't get his dick wet.

Donkey Kong - Man chases escaped zoo gorilla with a hammer.

Final Fantasy VIII: In the backseat of this popular card collecting/card battle simulator lies a rather enchanting story of several barely acclimated teenagers being used as war fodder. As they take a rental car and a train back and forth, they develop a PTSD recurrence in the form of vivid dreams that bear high stakes concerning their vitality while they sleep. Amidst this crippling hardship is the tear-jerking scene depicting our beloved hero being impaled directly through the heart by a huge icicle. After a quick recovery, a turn of events takes the meaning of "family" to a whole new level: everyone in your particular battalion has completely repressed any and all memories of being orphans living among one another in the same exact orphanage run by a loving mother whom the characters are all trying to kill for political reasons, which finally explains why huge demons from Hell and the ocean devote their strength without question to them. A heartwarming love story unfolds between the main patriot character and the rebel terrorist who makes play of passenger trains in amateur attempts to murder government officials, and this saga of romance extends to outer space thanks to a vague military project. It is in outer space in astronaut helmets that we watch our hero and heroine doggy paddle for upwards of 5 minutes towards one another in zero gravity leading up to a deeply satisfying embrace. The dream persona that the main hero micromanages in his traumatic night terrors turns out to be a real person who is the leader of a country. In order to save his lovers' life, our hero must confront an evil witch. What ensues next is perhaps the deepest, most discussed instance of quantum physics, space, soul-merging, and time to ever be presented in a roleplaying video game-- our heroes embark on sacrificial time travel in order to trick the witch into existing now instead of later, allowing the gang to murder her and use the benefit of a rip in time to stop their orphan mother from voluntarily becoming a war criminal and to instead be an academic coordinator who doubles as a kingpin for facilities that produce child soldiers in a world where everyone in the world wants to collect and play with trading cards.

Pokémon- Collect animals to fight for you and win battles and money. A deranged old man gives you one and you have to bring other ones to near death to stuff them in a plastic ball. The Michael Vick experience for kids.

hehehehehe

Nintendogs: In this game you spend your time obsessively watching a dog owned by your rich neighbor whom you stalk in order to get closer to their dog. Although you'll never be the owner, there is little getting in the way of your vivid imagination and rooted desires. You can insert yourself into its life by staring through and tapping on a $200 touch screen. Watch your secret friend whirl in excitement as you helplessly tap on the glass in an effort to feel empathy. This game features active dissociation from reality which eventually makes it easy for you to pretend to be your neighbor. As you lose grip on reality bit by bit, your grooming habits for the dog become more and more varied. As per the indicators, you may have a famished, parched, filthy dog. You may have a full, thirsty beautiful dog. There's only one rule.... don't get caught!

Splatterhouse 1:

College student has an abusive relationship with his girlfriend and he chases her into a haunted house. Long story short he beats her to death and sets the house on fire to cover up the evidence.

Resident Evil 2: Take the role of a police officer as you run away and kill everyone who tries to get your attention while becoming more familiar with the city of Raccoon.

Nes Ghoul School. I never finished this without cheats b/c its so frustrating. But the actual story is that this dude's high school gets taken over by monsters and he goes in alone to save this cheerleader. When you finally finish the game, he holds the girl's hand, then she looks at him, removes his hand and steps away from him. Didn't even have to parody it, that's actually how the game goes.

radiantsvgun said:

Nes Ghoul School. I never finished this without cheats b/c its so frustrating. But the actual story is that this dude's high school gets taken over by monsters and he goes in alone to save this cheerleader. When you finally finish the game, he holds the girl's hand, then she looks at him, removes his hand and steps away from him. Didn't even have to parody it, that's actually how the game goes.

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thats hilarious tbh

revenge of shinobi: a ninja in snow camouflage who has to fight his way through spider-man, batman, the terminator and godzilla to get to the head of an evil syndicate controlled by a Japanese shaman.

Neo Turf Masters? Well, it's all about balls and a long hard stick. Once the balls are stroked, they ejaculate in the air, to finally get pushed into a-hole in order to fertilize your scores. There's also a handy cap you carry & put on, if you want to prevent... misunderstandings. A gentleman's game, through and through. After all, Golf stands for... Gentleman only, Ladies forbidden.

Mortal Kombat - Exaggerated stereotypes murder each other in an attempt to kill an old man.

Doom - Play the role of an army vet suffering from PTSD.

Pac-Man - Compulsive eater uses hallucinogenic drugs to "kill" apparitions.

Math Munchers - Children fail at math while under tremendous pressure.

Lemmings - "Rust belt" conservatives vote along party lines with DISASTROUS consequences.

Final Fight - City leader turns to vigilantism to rid his city of minorities and the LGBT community.

Super Mario Bros. - Homeless tradesmen use drugs to cope with life of the streets.

Sylvie said:

thats hilarious tbh

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FilthyRear said:

Final Fight - City leader turns to vigilantism to rid his city of minorities and the LGBT community.

Super Mario Bros. - Homeless tradesmen use drugs to cope with life of the streets.

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I 'ed

King of Fighters - Delinquent student fights random people year after year because he can never graduate.

Legend of Zelda OOT - Ostracized kid who doesn't listen to his peers dies trying to save some girl he just met.

Punch Out - Undersized boxer retires after losing 2 fights.

GTA III - Lone mute somehow manages to commit the largest crime spree in history.

Legend of Zelda - Boy embarks on a epic adventure to win the favor of and rescue a princess, only to be cock-blocked by a giant pig.

Metal Gear - Fucked if I know.

Mike Tyson's Punch Out - Underdog fights morbidly obese man in order to face off against convicted rapist.

Mass Effect - Man/Woman has sex with coworkers.

Metroid - Orphan wears bathing suit in vaccuum of space.

Mike Tyson's Punch Out- New York kid beats up stereotypes and foreigners.

Contra- Government wants to stop Aliens/Terrorists? But doesn't want to spend a lot of money.

Altered Beast- Animal-based steroids go horribly wrong.

Castlevania Rondo of Blood - Boyfriend goes to save girlfriend, but end up with a lolita who's magical at reviving him instead.

Castlevania SOTN - Son with mommy issues battles daddy and his friends because he was rejected centuries ago.

Superman (Atari 2600) - Impervious Alien needs girlfriend to suck poison radiation out to keep being impervious and save the day.

Bonk's Adventure - Caveman with impervious skull, but weak as hell body tries in vain to give himself a concussion.

Gigawing2 - The cakewalk went awry because the fucking engineers couldn't build a stable shield mechanism

FilthyRear is really good at these

Custer's Revenge - Cracker rapes Native American.

Crazed homeless man murders local event sponsor...


...and his german half-brother...


...before accosting two children...


...and kidnapping another:

Parodius Da is what happens when you've played too much Gradius and start hallucinating that ultra cutesy penguins led by a giant red squid are trying to take over the universe and you're the only one who can stop them.

CrystalCore said:

Parodius Da is what happens when you've played too much Gradius and start hallucinating that ultra cutesy penguins led by a giant red squid are trying to take over the universe and you're the only one who can stop them.

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Do you like Crystal Pepsi?