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Thread: One of my short stories

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    One of my short stories

    Conflict

    At a future time, in a nameless place, the combatants met. The outcome of their encounter would surely determine the course of human history for generations to come. Each was the product of an advanced evolution accelerated by the ultimate necessity of survival. A small, white marble table was their battlefield. The perfect, unblemished sheen of its surface was an effective veil of its true purpose. It was an improbable site for a war, but unquestionably appropriate for the strange conflict that would ensue.

    At the edge of the immaculate table, on a high-backed chair of gleaming chrome, an ancient man rested. Obviously of Mongol origin, he was garbed in embroidered, burgundy-colored robes and a dark felt cap. He had a thin, neatly trimmed, black and gray mustache, ending at the corners of his mouth in lengthy, dangling, waxed strands that were outdistanced only by his long, graying goatee. His eyes were barely visible, peeping through thin slits that seemed to be chiseled into his gnarled face. Occasionally, he puffed on his smoldering hookah which he held firmly between his gaunt thighs. He was known as Lao-Chin Khan, and he commanded the vassalage of most of post-Armageddon Asia.

    A second withered elder, apparently a Scandinavian, sat before the circular table top across from the Oriental. He was a huge man for one so old, clad in rich, fur-lined robes. His seemingly endless, platinum white hair and beard cascaded over his shoulders and down through the regal blue folds of his clothing. With his jeweled left hand, he held vertically a tall, wooden staff that was decorated with thin bands of polished chrome. Faded gray eyes, set deep in his pale, wrinkled countenance, peered from underneath his bushy brow. Upon his silver-maned head rested a simple bronze crown. He was King Haakon Hammarskjold XII, feudal lord of all the sparsely scattered population of Europe.

    The Great Khan swiftly got down to the business at hand, producing a small, black silk pouch from a pocket on his garment. He untied the string that fastened together its end and then turned the little sack upside down. Out tumbled a tiny sumo wrestler onto the table who skillfully rolled to his feet and put his hands on his voluminous hips. No more than six inches tall, he was enormously stocky, having a waistline that was more than three quarters of his height. On his bulky left arm, there was a colorful, ferocious-looking, winged serpent tattooed. He had a short, pointed goatee and a thread-like waxed mustache. A tall crest of black hair dominated his otherwise bald scalp, arching over the small, round jade embedded in his forehead. His brow was contorted in a perpetual squint that could not conceal his odd lack of eyes.

    "Fong", the emperor announced, exhaling a huge cloud of narcotic smoke.

    Having seen the champion, the timeworn king proceeded to create his challenger. Resting his staff against his shoulder, he clenched his hands together and extended them over the marble table. He raised one hand above the other, causing a shower of blue sparks to flow between the palms. From amidst the azure downpour, there sprang a miniature gnome onto the gleaming surface below. He was a stumpy, reptilian creature, about the same height as the wrestler, but much, more bizarre in appearance. Clusters of hard nodules blemished his scaly, olive-green skin in various places on his brawny physique. A gaping mouth, flanked by huge, sagging jowls, sported a collection of razor-sharp fangs. Two great, pointed ears rose above his bony cranium. Most remarkable of all about this vicious-looking creature was the pair of hollow cavities beneath his jutting brow - an ostensibly crucial absence of visual organs.

    "Skagerrak", the monarch introduced his warrior, returning his hands to the shining arms of his metallic chair.

    With the proxies in position, it was time for the battle to commence, for such was the nature of warfare in the feudalism that had arisen from the anarchy of the millennium-long Nomadic Age. At stake was possession of the recently fertile European Plain of Russia - essential to the continued proliferation of human life. To each lord, defeat meant certain food shortages for his sphere of influence in the coming decades in addition to the immediate, massive, administrative turmoil that would result from his vassal's tournament for succession. Inevitably, the loser of this conflict would bring about a retrogression of the society which his people were so arduously struggling to enhance.

    Well aware of these potential repercussions, Haakon and Lao-Chin carefully scrutinized each other's warrior, rapidly plotting their respective strategies.

    All of a sudden, Skagerrak let out a ferocious snarl and charged across the burnished table top. Fong crouched low to confront the berserker's onslaught. However, instead of absorbing the impact, the sumo used the creature's own momentum against him, grabbing him with lighting swiftness and tossing him over his head. The elf landed on his back, bounced off the hard, glossy surface, and rolled to his feet. At once, he renewed his attack, leaping and clawing at the wrestler who easily threw him a second time, sustaining only a few minor scratches on his forearms. No less determined, Skagerrak roared and jumped much more dexterously this time, delivering a powerful, flying kick to the Oriental's jaw. His huge opponent stumbled backwards, but, when the gnome pressed his advantage, he was rudely backhanded away like an annoying insect.

    At this point, Lao-Chin decided that it was time to take the offensive. Fong thundered towards the reptilian combatant who stood calmly erect before him. Without warning, Haakon's long, wooden staff vanished, simultaneously reappearing in miniature in the elf's nimble hands. The Great Khan's eyelids raised with subdued surprise as Skagerrak thrust the end of the post upwards in to the sumo's chin, stopping him cold, and then whipped the other end laterally against the side of his face. Still in the same furious motion, the gnome swung the pole over his shoulders, while changing his hand position, and savagely bludgeoned the top of the wrestler's head.

    Fong fell to his knees while his adversary expertly twirled his staff from hand to hand behind his back in preparation for another effective series of blows. The Oriental turned his battered visage to face the creature, blood oozing from his mouth and nostrils. The jade on his forehead suddenly glowed with intense brilliance. Instantly, the post was transformed into a writhing, hissing serpent.

    The emperor smiled mischievously as he deeply inhaled on the mouthpiece of his hookah.

    Unimpressed, the king watched intently as the pliant snake slipped out of his proxy's hands and started relentlessly constricting around the creature's sinewy frame. With his upper arms pinned to his sides almost immediately by the serpent's steely coils, the growling gnome fiercely seized the neck of the slithering reptile in a vise-like grip and yanked repeatedly until predator and prey were face to face. The serpent hissed maliciously. Skagerrak snarled back and chomped its head off. Swallowing it whole, the bizarre elf then proceeded to suck the rest of the snake down his undulating throat as if it were one huge noodle.

    Back on his feet now, Fong lifted his hands over his head to grasp a nunchaku that promptly appeared there. With incredible ease for one of his proportions, the massive Oriental whirled the two, chain-linked, ebony batons around his bulky shoulders, displaying his unmitigated mastery of the weapon.

    Unsure of his approach to the wrestler's perplexing new defense, Haakon and therefore Skagerrak hesitated.

    All at once, the sumo lashed out with unbelievable speed, flailing his opponent on both sides of the face twice with the swinging batons before the creature could even react. The gnome hastily retreated, growling murderously. Fong stalked after his foe, whipping the nunchaku over his shoulders from one hand to the other so fast that it appeared as a blur to those observing. For want of a better course of action, Skagerrak suddenly attacked with an awesome, leaping kick. Again, utilizing his amazing quickness, the wrestler agilely side-stepped the thrust and with a mighty sweep of his potent weapon clubbed his antagonist over the back of his head. After stumbling away from his dangerous adversary, the enraged elf turned and dashed directly towards him, releasing a hellish roar, but the deft sumo furiously battered the berserker into withdrawal with a tremendous flurry of blows from the whirling black batons.

    The Great Khan observed the little combatants with relaxed confidence as they cautiously circled each other now on the polished battlefield, the billowing smoke from the Asian lord's water pipe enhancing his sorcerous image.

    While Fong slowly played the bewildering nunchaku about his hulking physique, the Scandinavian monarch intensely studied the mesmerizing weapon, anxiously pondering possible tactics for disarmament. He gravely considered his overwhelmed warrior whose large ears and nose were leaking thick, scarlet blood. The cunning of the emperor had become obvious; he was waging a defensive war of attrition. Brute force alone could not defeat his proxy, for Lao-Chin was superlatively adroit at using his opponent's own attack against him. Only through use of his own age-accrued guile could Haakon triumph in this battle.

    After selecting a feasible approach from his modicum of ideas, the king moved to implement it. The gnome lunged at the sumo, but this time, he threw a feint, and when the crafty Oriental swung his vexing batons at his adversary's skull, the snarling creature blocked the blow with a terrific swat of his arm, grappling the chain of the nunchaku with his taloned fingers. Instantly, the elf hauled the ebony weapon under his brawny arm, pulling the astonished wrestler towards him, and then thrust his palm like a lighting bolt into his chin, snapping back his head. Fong staggered backwards, releasing his grip on his weapon. Abruptly finding himself in possession of the nunchaku, the opportunistic Skagerrak crudely flailed the sumo's cranium.

    Astounded, Lao-Chin held his breath and glared as the gnomic combatant maneuvered behind his champion and clamped the batons around the Oriental's thick neck. Arching his colossal frame backwards and gasping for breath, Fong reached behind his head to clutch the wrists of his antagonist. All of the sudden, the nunchaku disappeared from the surprised elf's grasp. Instantaneously, it re-materialized hanging around the Great Khan's neck. The wrestler took immediate advantage of his master's trickery, hurling the reptilian creature over his shoulders and fiercely slamming him onto the shining surface of the table on his back. Without hesitation, the ponderous sumo leaped off his pudgy feet and brutally crashed down upon the sprawled form of his opponent with his enormous rump.

    The emperor casually blew a pillar of thick smoke into the air while the monarch shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

    Blood was gurgling in Skagerrak's throat and trickling from the corners of his mouth as Fong lumbered off of his now sunken chest and onto his own massive knees. The wrestler lifted his huge fist together over his head in preparation for a pulverizing blow to his foe's skull, but he ineffectually hammered the gleaming, marble battlefield instead, as the gnome rolled out of his reach at the last possible moment. Noticeably sluggish, the overzealous elf dragged himself unsteadily to his feet while the sumo effortlessly rose to his own.

    Fong vehemently plodded forward, and immediately, Skagerrak sloppily pounced on him. This time, the Oriental warrior did not cast him away like a useless scrap of clothing. Hence, the gnome managed to wrap his powerful legs around the hulking torso of his adversary and started ferociously clawing his face. The wrestler counterattacked, viciously pummeling both sides of the berserker's skull with one mighty clap of his robust hands.

    Haakon slumped forward, clenching his fist and grimacing from the apparent strain, as his miniature fighter yelped and collapsed over the imposing frame of his opponent. Lao-Chin could barely conceal his own delight as the little sumo with a contemptuous sneer on his bleeding face shoved away the languorous form of his victim.

    Refusing defeat, the pugnacious elf, lying prone, struggled onto his elbows. Fong responded by shambling over to him and cruelly stomping his bloody face against the hard, unyielding marble of the table top battleground.

    Again, the king reacted, exhaustedly falling back into his chromium chair and glancing fearfully at the leering Oriental lord. The Great Khan grinned triumphantly and enjoyed a long, vigorous draw on his hookah.

    Before executing the neck-snapping death blow, Fong took a haughty step towards the trembling monarch and arrogantly flexed his muscle-bound physique. All at once, Skagerrak sprang onto the wrestler's back and, roaring horrifically, plunged his unbelievably sharp fangs into his foe's taut neck.

    The slanted eyes of the wonder-struck emperor nearly bulged out of their sockets, and his puckered mouth burst widely open with surprise. Discarding his dread-filled facade, the wily Scandinavian briskly straightened up in his seat.

    Vainly, Fong groped behind his back at the raging gnome who had already firmly clamped his steely limbs around the sumo's stout body and anchored his piercing claws in the thick skin. Growling maliciously, Skagerrak savagely gnawed at Fong's sinewy neck, creating an endless torrent of blood that gushed down over the husky chest of the wrestler. The murderous elf wildly flounced his head in every direction, digging his bristling teeth in deeper and deeper, and scattering gory bits of flesh and countless drops of blood everywhere.

    His flared nostrils spouting geysers of noxious smoke, Lao-Chin gaped helplessly at the dire tableau, the victim of a novice stratagem which he had deemed far too predictable for either lord to attempt.

    The mighty sumo sank weakly to his knees as the last vestiges of strength ebbed from his desperate struggles. Skagerrak took a final, horrible chomp which shattered his opponent's sturdy neck bones with a revolting crunch. Instantly, Fong and the Great Khan disintegrated in a blinding flash of white light, leaving behind only a sparkling residue of decaying nuclear plasma that rapidly faded into nothingness.

    The victorious king allowed himself a brief smile of satisfaction as he gazed thoughtfully at his gnomic manifestation. The battered creature now stood straight as an arrow on the immaculate white table before his creator with his head deferentially bowed. Haakon's ancestors - as well as Lao-Chin's - who were just a handful of the innumerable authors of the Great Cataclysm, would have praised him for his mode of conquest, had he lived in their day. After all, his was a method devoid of rampant physical destruction, catastrophic environmental contamination, and wanton human slaughter. No longer did the scourge of war cast its unimaginable terror and unspeakable suffering upon the innocent masses of the world. In the civilized warfare of mankind's fourth millennium, the only atoms to be split were those of the warlords.

    ***
    Last edited by elGRIZZbo; 12-10-2016 at 01:27 PM.
    "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." - Arthur Schopenhauer

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by elGRIZZbo View Post
    Conflict

    the thrust of his potent weapon his hulking physique, intensely studied the mesmerizing weapon,

    Fong groped his steely limbs around the sumo's stout body endless torrent of blood that gushed down over the husky chest of the wrestler.

    deeper and deeper,

    Lao-Chin gaped
    Thousands of words but you can't hide what you are.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mjmjr25 View Post
    Thousands of words but you can't hide what you are.


    I'm mostly impressed that you read the whole thing

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    Bloody Celt's friend from nambla has arrived.
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    tl;dr...

    EDIT: Boring....

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    Fuck me no one wants to read this shit.



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    fuck this gay earth

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    i thought he said 'short' story.
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    Quote Originally Posted by cdamm View Post
    i thought he said 'short' story.
    Short on the Tanooki scale of long-windedness
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    Quote Originally Posted by max 330 mega View Post
    do you wear a cape when you type on a keyboard?
    Do you have your parent's permission to be on the internet?
    "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." - Arthur Schopenhauer

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    I find it hilarious how the creeps write short stories all the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ki_atsushi View Post
    I find it hilarious how the creeps write short stories all the time.
    Watch what you say!

    He just might get a lawyer!

    You might be held libel
    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvie View Post
    Xorthen was on my case for a few days via PM (and then some) offering to pay me $20 just to talk on the phone with me for an hour, but he chickened out or something and then decided to be an asshole in public towards me

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    Quote Originally Posted by ki_atsushi View Post
    I find it hilarious how the creeps write short stories all the time.
    Really, how many short stories have you written?
    "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." - Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Not making fun of you but you realise how strongly homo erotic the story is right? With a strange sumo fetish to boot. I will admit to not being able to read it all because I can't do wall of texts these days, but glossing over it I noticed this fact. It's cool though, each to their own. I'm just wondering if this was on purpose and you are aware of it.
    Igs waz here



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    Quote Originally Posted by elGRIZZbo View Post
    Do you have your parent's permission to be on the internet?
    only while wearing a cape.
    Quote Originally Posted by LoneSage View Post
    fuck this gay earth

    -starks out

  17. #17
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    one of the worst stories ive ever read


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    so basically you wrote a creepy short story that uses "Oriental" as an adjective more than once that is more similar to a Pokemon battle than it is relevant to culture or history of any kind (though you have set this ridiculous stale visual for stuff to a sickeningly long-winded yet ineffective degree) The amount of adjectives you managed to use without feeling like a retard is astounding. Its like you exhausted every synonym for "big" and "strong" in a matter of a few paragraphs.

    besides being redundantly written, its fucking G A Y . what the hell is wrong with you? "gnomic combatant", really? We get it, we know its a fucking gnome. You're a bad writer.
    Last edited by Sylvie; 12-12-2016 at 08:40 AM.


    ま. . . . .60点てところかしらね
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    Quote Originally Posted by elGRIZZbo View Post
    Really, how many short stories have you written?
    Since 3rd grade? Zero.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sylvie View Post
    so basically you wrote a creepy short story that uses "Oriental" as an adjective more than once that is more similar to a Pokemon battle than it is relevant to culture or history of any kind (though you have set this ridiculous stale visual for stuff to a sickeningly long-winded yet ineffective degree) The amount of adjectives you managed to use without feeling like a retard is astounding. Its like you exhausted every synonym for "big" and "strong" in a matter of a few paragraphs.

    besides being redundantly written, its fucking G A Y . what the hell is wrong with you? "gnomic combatant", really? We get it, we know its a fucking gnome. You're a bad writer.
    I feel sick reading more than two sentences.



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    its bad. its really badly written. cringes everywhere.my aching..... cijjosfssg


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    Quote Originally Posted by ki_atsushi View Post
    Since 3rd grade? Zero.


    The really sad part about this is that no one has noticed the second picture in his video game idea thread is dated 1-5-92.
    Almost 25 years now of regurgitating the same garbage looking for pats on the back.


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    Quote Originally Posted by LoneSage View Post
    fuck this gay earth

    -starks out

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    i write a lot of short stories...hopefully google translated it right & here we go:

    It was around the turn of the century. The little monkey cucu ate spaghetti and thought of how great the day was. He had juggled, played on his horn, played golf, crashed his ass, and was now happy to wank after dinner. Suddenly, yes, suddenly! Came a bear through the door and hit the ax with his head. Cucu was dead. Everyone was sad. But also relieved. The horn remained silent.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by aku View Post
    i write a lot of short stories...hopefully google translated it right & here we go:

    It was around the turn of the century. The little monkey cucu ate spaghetti and thought of how great the day was. He had juggled, played on his horn, played golf, crashed his ass, and was now happy to wank after dinner. Suddenly, yes, suddenly! Came a bear through the door and hit the ax with his head. Cucu was dead. Everyone was sad. But also relieved. The horn remained silent.
    Billy-D_Approves.gif

    I love this thread.

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  25. #25
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    Maybe you should submit that yarn to weird tales.
    Last edited by bloodycelt; 12-14-2016 at 08:15 PM. Reason: Because sylvie will be disappointed when she wikis Michael Moorcock.

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