Merque, from what you've said in this thread it sounds like you're unsatisfied with life and aren't getting what you need from your current relationship. It seems like if you only want sex, you could just experiment with different brands of fake vaginas rather than buying the doll, which provides an additional emotional/companionship element. Especially if it's based on Bella Donna, your favorite pornstar with whom you have things in common (again, going on what you've said).
Maybe that isn't so bad, if you really want a harem type situation, but I'd still try to improve things with your wife. Maybe counseling. I know you two can't have sex right now but you can bond in other ways. I mean you must have other things in common.
Don't get upset about the donations thing either, I'm sure if you had cancer we'd all pony up $10. Most people here seem to like you, you're just not making a strong case for why you need the doll
#1> I'm not so much as "unsatisfied" with life as I am BORED with life's politically correct nonsense that seems to have permeated and utterly destroyed everything. No one can say or do anything without "offending" someone or some special interest group of people. Everything has to be temper foamed to coax someone's bruised feelings. Everyone must use Euphemisms instead of saying what they mean and then DOING what they say. And through all this, Women's Liberation and Homosexuals have a voice and overall power, (which is fine with me personally, I seriously no longer have issues with this)
but put an individualist into the mix who speaks his/her mind, does what he/she wants, and suddenly that person is the bane of existence. That person is EVIL, or whatever. I see it as a kind of societal prejudice in all honesty. Where anyone who's not parroting the mainstream mantras or moving along with the collective majority's pace is the problem.
I've dealt with this all my life. Does it stop me from being who I am. NO, and it never will. But even I get tired of this nonsense. A man should be able to be a man, and act like one. In that respect I'm a man with a solid work ethic, I mind my business (mostly), pay my taxes, have a family... but if I weren't in the field of endeavor I'm in, I'd be pissing people off all the time, because I'd be expected "to play ball" and I don't play ball past a certain point. This leads to a constant state of brooding on my part, and that in turn leads to yearning for simpler times. I'm really a guy who's happy when he can have sex all the time, have books and movies around me to watch/read, and can be outdoors. That's about it. But due to the nature of our "so called Progressive" societies... I end up with anger than has turned into boundless energy, and so I need to work, work, work, work and then work some more in order to stem a melt down. But then I'm stuck with the fact I was raised paramilitary and with a frontier like man's man set of principles. The world today (as a whole) is more concerned with bottom numbers, useless junk and self fellatio. None of this interests me. Thus I can only work in fields that are: Military, Police, Security Enforcement, etc.
Due to those principles I grew up with and the paramilitary training that is 2nd nature to me at this point... I'm not interested in anything else, I don't have any trades, and I cannot sit still for college of any sort. I'm a man of a billion ideas, unconventional, and have managed to do a lot of what others want to do with very little money and almost next to no "official" training. In the days of old I'd have been a saddle tramp (drifting adventurer), and in the 21st Century I'm no different... a STORM RIDER, riding out the turbulent storms of life, be them physical, emotional, spiritual etc. When I'm on duty I'm the most professional guy out there and I don't have to do much because THE JOB IS AN EXTENSION OF ME, and my command presence is absolute... but off duty, I'm just marking time.
...thus my sex drive also goes up. And shit, sex feels good.
#2> My Belladonna issues are easy enough to explain. While I love my wife and AM IN LOVE WITH HER, I find Michelle Ann Sinclair/Kelly (Belladonna) to be an
interesting person in her own right. She's not what most people think of as beautiful, but it's precisely because of her quirky nature and looks that I find her ravishing as far as being aesthetically pleasing to my eyes. There is an aura about her of
Adventure, xXxtreme Sexual Drive and eccentricities that are all something I have too. I've known chicks like her IRL and was friends with all of them and they with me. Problem is, two people of the same mold can burn out, so usually. I honestly (and my wife knows this) would love to have a 2 night marathon with her if it were possible. But due to my own principles and other reasons this is not an option, and first she'd have to be cool with it (Bella I mean). However, I feel she and I and her husband would be friends if we ever met. People don't understand that woman and make fun of her, or want to put her down (Bella). But I respect her. WHY?
Because she knows who she is and what she's about and doesn't make excuses nor apologizes for it.
That kind of spirit is both unnerving and scary to most people, so it's easier to talk shit and attack that person. I guess you could say I tend to gravitate to others who are "different" and in reality all of my friends (real friends) are people who couldn't be more different than me, up to and including having married my wife. But this doesn't mean that I cannot appreciate and in some ways WANT TO INTERFACE WITH someone like Bella. For me that would be a "Real Doll" duplicate of her, and while some would see this as creepy... it's not. It's more of an appreciation of a similar flame, but that doesn't mean I want to replace my wife nor act a fool either.
#3> My marriage isn't really in peril. I just have extremes that are different from my wife is all. In fact her and I (my wife) are very much alike, we just handle situations and think in a completely different manner is all. She's the grounded one who keeps me rooted to the ground, I'm the ass kicking, swash buckling, always-ready-to-fuck Storm Rider, and I bring
Spontaneity and Intensity to any and all aspects of our marriage and life in general. Problem is, I can't turn myself off (be it sexually or not), I'm always on the ON mode and when I sleep it's more like a jet fighter in "In Flight Refueling". For this reasons I make a kick ass father to my kids, though my daughter is proving to have a lot of the same personality as I, and I worry for her. It took me 28 years to figure out how to deal with myself, how to defuse me when things go awry etc. Now I've got a three year old girl who doesn't understand any of that yet, but prefers to hang out with me all the time, and I need my own space here or there too. Not because I want to be a dead beat father, but because
I'm intensity personified overall. The responsibilities of time management to kids however, does get in the way of my SEXY TIME with the wife.
...thus the Real Doll becomes a viable and alluring option. Thus I get in a mood, (get the feeling like a machine), walk upstairs... lock door, turn on the fan and radio for some background nosie... go to my RD Fuck Buddy, take care of my need of the moment, ejaculate. Clean up, take shower... GET BACK TO REGULAR LIVING.
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AS FOR THE DONATIONS...
I'm not mad about any of it. This thread within itself has helped ease a lot of my tensions because I find this whole thing hilarious. If one cannot laugh at the preposterousness of their own problems (and this thread), then there is no hope for that person, and I happen to have a dark/warped/eccentric sense of humor. Shit like this is as much a riot for me as the rest of you. In fact, it's therapeutic.
BUT I AM SETTING UP A PAYPAL BANK ACCOUNT FOR DONATIONS that should be up and ready probably by tomorrow (I think). While I'm not expecting anything, I won't lie and say that it be cool if someone did find my direct manner of truth "admirable" and out of that very pragmatism... donate some cash my way to this endeavor of mine.
***I mean seriously, Who but me would even do something like this? In my 12 years on the Internet I have yet to run into anyone who even comes close to the complexity of me in terms of unconventional frankness. I don't say that as an ego stroke, I say that more so with a bit of melancholy, because I've been searching for others of a like mind and to this day have yet to find them.
Once the account is up, I'll see that this thread gets spread across the Internet, and maybe, just maybe I'll actually have some "assistance" towards the money I'm already saving up for for my Real Doll Fuck Buddy.
Sincerely...
Michael Rastan (pen name)