Makismo -
I'm being completely serious here (this has happened maybe once in all of my five gajillion posts). After reading through your more recent posts a little more carefully, I really think you should seek some sort of counseling. A lot of these tips that you're getting here seem like good advice, but I honestly don't think that they're the root of the problem. I think the root of the problem is your mental state, and I don't think you're going to be able to fix it by yourself.
You seem very unhappy and insecure with yourself, and the direction your life is going, almost to the point that it's becoming dangerously unhealthy. I would make an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow morning, and see how it goes. If your attitude doesn't improve, I would then consider visiting a psychiatrist, and possibly getting on some type of medication temporarily.
Once you get things worked out in that capacity, I think the rest of the things you're after will fall into place. You should at least consider it.