TNA Impact! Results: 5-17-07
1 -- MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS (X division champion CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY) vs. JERRY LYNN & TIGER MASK IV
Sabin came to the ring with Shelley sporting Backlund's back, which contains crazy things or stuff like that, according to West. Sabin started things off by slamming Lynn into the corner turnbuckles. Lynn came back with a huracanrana and snapmare into an arm bar. Tiger Mask took a tag and Sabin went running to Shelley's crotch for comfort. Shelley then knocked Lynn to the outside at 3:00 and worked on Tiger's face. Out of nowhere, Sabin came running in with an Ace crusher, but Tiger recovered and went up top, but he missed with a splash. Sabin and Shelley then combined on a dual enziguri before Shelley hit a swinging STO (Shellsock) for the win.
After the match, MCMG jumped Lynn from behind, but he moved out of the way of a combo move and knocked Sabin into Shelley. He went for the cradle piledriver on Shelley, but Sabin kicked him in the face. Bob Backlund then made the save and tried to clear the MCMGs, but they got the best of him. Jay Lethal then hit the ring and double headbutted Sabin and Shelley. They bailed to the outside as Lethal did his Machoisms.
WINNERS: Shelley & Sabin in 4:00. Fast-paced, yet forgettable match. Sabin & Shelley are a great team that TNA could cultivate into a legitimate TNA tag title team down the road. As usual, the post-match activity took precedence over the wrestling. (*)
They cut a James Mitchell promo. Very dark setting. Mitchell said the wrestling business is an uncaring shark tank. Winners follow the laws of the jungle, while losers have characteristics of compassion, love, and guilt. He said Abyss didn't follow his advice and now he's dead and buried. Mitchell said he's going to resurrect a cold, reptilian-brained killing machine. He said it's time to revisit his original plan to carpet bomb TNA like never seen before.
[Commercial Break]
Jeremy Borash caught up with Kevin Nash backstage. Nash said he came to give a receipt, not to talk. Sonjay Dutt interrupted and said what he did was wrong and he's sorry. Dutt said the emotions got the best of him and he's sorry. He said Nash has been like a father to him, and he shouldn't have done what he did. Dutt extended a hand and they did a super-secret handshake. Nash then pulled Dutt in and said he wouldn't be so forgiving next time.
2 -- CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. RAVEN (w/Serotonin) -- First blood match
Tenay said we shouldn't be surprised that someone as demented as Raven would accept the first blood challenge. Look at the gut on Raven. Geez. The bell sounded and they exchanged kendo stick blows, then Raven missed with a screwedriver blow to the face. Raven missed with several chair shot attempts before Daniels hit an STO. If all weapons are legal, why not bring a gun to the ring and shoot the opponent in the face to draw blood? They showed a close-up of the screwdriver being lodged in the top turnbuckle. Raven then ducked a clothesline and slammed Daniels into the back of the chair. Raven ripped apart a stick and tried to drive the jagged edges into Daniels's face, but Daniels low blowed him. Daniels then picked up Raven and ripped into Raven's forehead with the edge of the stick, drawing blood.
After the match, Daniels took off his bandage from the PPV and headbutted Raven to draw more blood from Raven and open up his own forehead again. Daniels left the ring when Serotonin stepped in. Kaz told Raven to drop to his knees for the stick beating after losing. Raven went down, and Kaz wound up, but Havoc and Martyr stepped in the way. Raven, sensing this was going to happen, stepped up and got in Kaz's face. He pointed a finger at him, then Kaz realized what was going on, so he backed away and mocked Raven's extended arms pose.
WINNER: Daniels in 3:00. A lot more interesting storyline development from Daniels with the First Blood Invitational after he was pounded into the ground three weeks ago. At least he has some direction now. As usual, post-match overshadowed the match. (1/2*)
Backstage, Borash found Sting, who said he's been around the block and he doesn't mind having to qualify for a title match. Christopher Daniels interrupted and thanked Sting for giving him direction. Sting, flustered and frustrated, said he didn't give him any guidance, since every time he says go left, Daniels goes right. Daniels stopped and pointed a finger at Sting before accusing him of being lost.
[Commercial Break. Need male enhancement for upgraded performance? Try Maxoderm for sustained performance! Hey, a leading physician recommends it.]
They aired a video package on Robert Roode pinning Jeff Jarrett at the PPV. We saw the post-match angle where Eric Young made the save for Roode.
Back live, Eric Young led the planted TNA office workers and some tourist fans around ringside. Young then entered the ring and said his good friend, Jeff Jarrett, taught him that he needs to believe in what he feels is right. Young, doing his best Matt Foley impersonation, told the fans to believe in themselves. Young said he's free at least. Robert Roode then interrupted with Ms. Brooks, who was sporting a new bustier and neck brace this week. Roode said Young physically placed his hands on him, so he could very well take away the one thing Young loves in his life - pro wrestling - or tell him he's fired. Roode got in Young's face and said the rules have changed because he's still under contract to Roode, Inc., which means he still owns him. Roode said Cornette could threaten to sue him, but that ship has sailed. He said he's going to give Young some advice to get a good attorney because he's going to sue Young for everything he owns. Young then took the contract and wiped his ass with the paperwork. Roode thought about Young's action for a second before smashing him with a right hand blow. Young then fired back with a Thesz Press. Brooks pulled Young off Roode, then Roode jumped Young from behind. Suddenly, Stomper was on the apron pointing at Roode. Stomper turned and shook his rear end in Roode's face. Roode tried to jump him, but Stomper showed his agility and hopped off the apron. A "fan" handed Young a chair, but Roode ducked out of the ring when Young approached him with the chair. Completely bizarre segment that fits the Jarrett vision of hee-haw wrestling on national TV.
Kurt Angle came to the ring for the first KOTM qualifying match.
[Commercial Break]
3 -- KURT ANGLE vs. RHINO -- King of the Mountain qualifying match
They slowly paced around the ring to start things off. Tenay plugged the on-sale date for Slammiversary tickets this Saturday. Good crowd heat early on, with Rhino showing he would't back down from Angle's ground-based attacks. Angle landed European uppercuts, then ducked a clothesline, but walked into the TKO for a nearfall. Angle suddenly countered into an anklelock attempt, but Rhino slipped out and hit a powerslam. He measured Angle for the Gore, but Angle shoved Rhino aside and hit a release German suplex. That's a hot three minutes.
[Commercial Break]
Angle had Rhino on the mat with a side headlock out of the break. Rhino fired back with right hands before clotheslining Angle to the mat. Suddenly, Rhino hit a spinebuster for a nearfall. He took Angle up top and superplexed him for a nearfall. Rhino was gassed, though, so Angle came back and went for an Olympic Slam, but Rhino countered with a belly-to-belly suplex. He went for the Gore, but Angle blocked and hit the Olympic Slam for the win.
WINNER: Angle in 8:00 to advance to KOTM. Solid TV match for the 10-minutes-and-under category. Good energy in the ring, non-stop action to fit the slogan on the marquee, and good crowd energy. Rhino benefited from getting in considerable offense despite the loss. (**1/4)
Backstage, Leticia found Jim Cornette, who announced Samoa Joe vs. Sting for next week's KOTM qualifying match. There was a knock on the door, then Rick Steiner barged in with Scott Steiner. Scott said they want Team 3D in the ring next week. Cornette says he smells money, and agreed to it. Rick then placed the office door on the ground and told Cornette he's sorry. Good advertisement for next week.
