TNA Impact! Results: 2-8-07
1 -- ABYSS (w/James Mitchell) vs. CHASE STEVENS
Stevens went for a top rope move, but Abyss caught him with the Black Hole Slam for the win. After the match, we saw that Abyss was wearing a new red mask. Andy Douglas then tried to make the save for Stevens, but Douglas took the Shock Treatment. Shane Douglas then entered the ring, but security held him back. With that out of the way, we heard a random voice. Sting appeared on the video screen and told Abyss that it's time for him to face the world as himself. He guaranteed to Mitchell that everyone would witness the end times at Against All Odds. Sting warned Abyss that they would reach the end of the journey at the PPV.
WINNER: Abyss in 0:30. This could have been the entire first segment to let everything sink in, but that's not how TNA operates.
We get the usual Impact intro, then Tenay broke down the card with Styles & Angle vs. Joe & Angle as the main event. The text messaging voting went: Goldberg - 30 percent, Lesnar - 26 percent, Joe - 10 percent, None of the Above - 34 percent. So, 34 percent of TNA viewers read the spoilers ahead of time.
Leticia stood backstage with heavy bags under her eyes for an interview with Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle. Joe screamed at Angle to get the job done at the PPV, with him serving as Angle's ringside enforcer. Angle paused then asked Joe if he hates him. He said he knows that Joe has an agenda to become NWA Champion, and Joe would get his title shot after he beats Christian if everything works to plan tonight. Angle told Christian to bring his consultant to the ring so he can kick both of their asses.
[Commercial Break]
They cut backstage where Tyson Tomko was slamming a pipe into a wall. Christian interrupted the outburst and calmed Tomko down before pumping up his ego by telling him he's the toughest s.o.b. he's ever met. Christian told him to take the night off.
[Q2]
They aired a video package on LAX taking out the random guy in the restaurant last week and Brother Devon's follow-up interview. We should hear more from Devon in future promos.
Suddenly, Team 3D was in the ring. Brother Ray said their last name is Dudley, but his mother's last name is LaMonico. He said that makes him half-angry redneck and half-pissed-off Italian. Ray said LAX went after his family - his closest uncle in the whole world. He said LAX beat him down so badly that doctors don't know if he'll ever be the same again. Ray said they have a decision to make as to whether they should continue to chase the NWA Tag Titles or go for revenge. Ray said they choose revenge. He said LAX pissed off him, his brother, and his family. They're doing it Italian style at the PPV with a Little Italy Street Fight. He said they're going Mafia on LAX with a fight through the strip clubs and back alleys...
LAX's music interrupted, then Moody Jack wheeled Konnan onto the entrance ramp. Konnan told everyone to go straight to hell. He told Ray to save his hot air for his blow-up dolls. Ray told Konnan to walk down to the ring and say that to him. Konnan answered back that he has something up his sleeve for Ray, the fat boy. He accepted the street fight for LAX because they run the streets. Suddenly, Brother Runt interrupted. Ray told him to hit the bar and stay out of their business. Homicide and Hernandez then jumped Team 3D in the ring. Homicide beat down Devon, then Hernandez hit a corner splash. Homicide smashed Devon with a cookie sheet, then Hernandez KO'ed Ray with a trashcan lid. As Homicide choked Ray in the corner, Hernandez slammed the steel steps into Ray's face with repeated chair shots. LAX stood tall on the entrance ramp to close the hot segment. Good work from everyone involved.
Leticia was backstage with Christy Hemme for an interview. Christy says it doesn't matter who her opponent is at the PPV, because she just wants to prove that she belongs. Kip and B.G. James interrupted. Kip asked Christy how much a lap dance would cost. Christy slapped his money away, then B.G. told Kip that he could do that on his own because he's not having part of Kip's antics anymore. Kip then pulled out some dollar bills and asked his question again, but Leticia and Christy left. "Ah, hell, ya'll aren't even worth five bucks," he said.
[Commercial Break]
They aired a video package on Styles vs. Rhino to promote their Motor City Chain match at the PPV.
Borash made his first appearance of the show to interview Styles backstage. Styles listed his accolades in comparison to Angle. He then equated his athletic ability to a bumble bee because he can do things no one else can. Christian Cage interrupted and said he likes Styles's ring jacket hood and chain. Christian told him to give Rhino a few chain shots for him. Christian said Angle's big teeth guards are cutting off the circulation to his brain. He said Angle is nothing more than supporting cast these days. Christian said he's not lying about having a consultant, and he certainly wouldn't consult with Joe on anything since he lost to Angle. Styles interjected that Joe lost to him twice. Christian said Styles isn't as slow as some people say. Styles was slightly taken aback. Christian then warned Angle and Joe about their main event match. They left together, then TNA's version of Ron Simmons, Bob Backlund, suddenly appeared with flip-up glasses to stare down Borash.
Three men came out for an X Division six-man tag match. Instead of reinforcing the promo from Styles and Christian, Tenay and West decided to discuss Bob Backlund freaking people out. That's poor scripting to discuss someone contributing nothing to the program.
2 -- JAMES STORM (w/Miss Tennessee) & X Division champion CHRIS SABIN & AUSTIN STARR vs. JERRY LYNN & SENSHI & RHINO
Before the match started, Raven's Serotonin group was shown watching the match from the peanut gallery. The action broke down early on as Tenay discussed the two-hour special next Monday night. Sabin then crotched Senshi, allowing Starr to give Senshi a brainbuster for the win.
WINNERS: Storm & Starr & Sabin in 3:00. Way too short for anything to stand out. No one had significant air time and no PPV matches were effectively built up despite Lynn and Sabin being in the same ring.
[Q3]
Eye Spy this week was Kevin Nash's therapy session with Sonjay Dutt and Jay Lethal. He said they need a persona makeover and circumcision. Just kidding. Nash pulled out a Samoa Joe doll and said he's responsible for him and the doll. He then pulled out a Sting doll and said not only would Dutt and Lethal have Sting's success, but a doll to earn merchandise royalties. Dutt wanted to know why they could trust Nash. He said the proof's in the doll/pudding. Nash then took a drag on his pipe and told them to trust him.
[Commercial Break]
A commercial aired promoting the two-hour special going up against the dog show next Monday. The greatest thing I've ever seen was Abyss holding a small dog and screaming at it. It's better than him getting upset about his balloons being popped. Sorry, that was an FSN-era joke.
Borash eavesdropped on Eric Young standing next to a copier with Ms. Brooks. That RICOH four-in-one copier never looked better. Brooks was in her bra stroking Young's nipples. She said she wanted to show Young her appreciation for helping her stand up to Roode last week. Brooks told him to bring the stuff to their trip on Saturday. She planted a kiss on Young, told him she loves him, and then left. Borash asked Young if he's sure he wants to go through with it. "You heard her, J.B. She loves me," Young said. He then walked off to catch his breath.
Sting walked out in the mask. He sounded like he had a bag of marbles in his mouth with the mask covering his mouth. Sting lowered a box to the ring. He said this is what he calls storming the gates of hell. Sting pulled back the curtain to reveal James Mitchell in the box. He said Sunday would be the last time Abyss sees Mitchell. Abyss came out and Sting met him with right hand blows. Sting then slammed a chair across Abyss's back and face. He rolled Abyss into the ring and continued to hit Abyss with the chair. He missed with a chair shot, then Abyss drove Sting into the cage wall. From inside the cage, Mitchell pulled off his belt and choked Sting. Abyss then slammed the chair into the cage next to Sting's face and the reverberations caused Sting to collapse to the mat. Mitchell walked out of the cage and stood tall with Abyss.
They aired a video package on Christopher Daniels trying to find himself again. He said he's doubted his purpose and his self for too long now. He said the doubt is over and he sees the truth now. End Scene. Well, it's about time someone realized the truth about the X Division being six-feet under right now.
[Commercial Break]
[Q4]
Ron Killings is starring in Rocky VII, according to the random movie poster. Don West then talked about tickets going on sale Feb. 16 for the Lockdown PPV in St. Louis. Tenay and West then broke down the PPV card.
Borash was backstage with Dale Torborg and A.J. Pierzynski to discuss Torborg's match against Lance Hoyt at the PPV. Hoyt interrupted and Pierzynski asked him where Eckstein's been lately. Torborg kept talking, then Johnny Damon interrupted with a soft chair shot to Torborg's back. Hoyt then gave Pierzynski a few playful slaps and walked off with Damon. That wasn't obviously staged or anything.
3 -- A.J. STYLES & CHRISTIAN CAGE vs. SAMOA JOE & KURT ANGLE
Angle came out last and stormed the ring with Joe. Angle worked on Christian while Joe ripped into Styles with a hard chop to the chest. Styles went for a back flip off the top rope, but Joe dusted off the casual walk-away and Styles ate the mat. Christian tagged in and Joe powerslammed Christian before catching him in the corner with a charging knee to the face. Styles then made a blind tag and caught Joe with a springboard fist smash as they cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
West plugged the two-hour special when they returned from the break. Joe caught Christian with the E. Honda front slam out of the corner before making the tag to Angle. Styles tagged in and Angle ran him over with clotheslines. He gave Styles two German Suplexes before giving Christian a German. Angle then gave Styles the Olympic Slam and had the pin, but Christian broke it up. The action broke down and Styles hit Angle with the Pele soccer kick. Styles went up top, but Rhino attacked him. Angle then hit the Olympic Slam from the top rope as Joe put Christian in the rear naked choke. Angle made the cover on Styles for the win.
WINNERS: Angle & Joe in 6:00. Only about three minutes of action aired with four of TNA's top stars in the ring. That shows how little priority is placed on wrestling when we can't get more than three minutes of actual action to sell a PPV with the top wrestlers in the company.
While the babyfaces celebrated in the ring, a man in a hood jumped into the ring. Angle spun him around and took off his mask revealing Scott Steiner. Christian jumped Angle from behind, then Steiner landed a hard clothesline on Angle. Steiner and Christian did push-ups, then Styles threw the ref out of the ring. Steiner put Angle in the Steiner Recliner and choked him with the pipe. Christian then held the NWA Title belt in Angle's face as Angle passed out. Tenay and West gave the final plugs for the PPV and talked about Steiner being the enforcer. Styles, Christian, and Steiner stood tall in the ring to close the show. Strong conclusion with another tease of a heel faction and with the pseudo-babyface title challenger in jeopardy before the PPV.
