TNA Impact! Results: 2-1-07
PWTorch.com (direct link to results)
TNA Impact on Spike TV
February 1, 2007
Taped January 15 in Orlando, Florida
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
We open with footage from last week with Sting revealing Abyss's secret and being taken to the hospital. Don West then narrated footage from after last week's show where Abyss and James Mitchell tried to attack Sting in the ambulance, but only found his baseball bat.
Tenay and West talked about Joe vs. Styles in tonight's main event.
Jeremy Borash stood outside of Jim Cornette's office where various wrestlers were lined up looking for a word with Cornette. Chris Sabin hobbled over to Borash on a walker while sporting a bath robe and old-man glasses. In his best old man voice, Sabin asked Borash what's with the crazy kids and their Pac-Man and stickers and shiny objects. Borash recognized that Sabin was impersonating Jerry Lynn. Sabin said that when he wrestled, they had a two-sided ring made out of sheepskin and cow testicles. Sabin spit to the floor, then Borash said Lynn lives in the future of wrestling. Sabin was simply awesome there.
1 -- AUSTIN STARR vs. JERRY LYNN vs. SONJAY DUTT vs. ALEX SHELLEY vs. JAY LETHAL. Shelley brought a DVD with him to the ring and handed it to Tenay and West. Sabin hobbled down to the ring on his walker and screamed at the camera. Starr dropped a pendulum elbow to Lethal early on. Lethal then made his comeback before Lynn tagged in and dropped Starr with a dropkick. Dutt then took out Lynn on the floor with a big splash. Shelley spit on Starr and Lynn, then Lethal hit a suicide dive on everyone. Sabin then jumped on the apron wearing Depends from the Oops I Crapped My Pants catalogue. Lynn went for a cradle piledriver on Starr, but Sabin tripped Lynn, Starr fell on top of Lynn, and Starr scored the pin for the win. WINNER: STARR IN 4:00. Good, exciting action for four minutes, but still rushed and too short to mean much to the overall show.
After the match, Sabin and Starr choked out Lynn. Shelley then grabbed a camera and filmed the beating. Starr and Shelley have apparently solved their differences. Senshi then ran into the ring and saved Lynn. Sabin vs. Lynn is the X Division Title match at the next PPV.
Christian Cage, Tomko, and Tomko's goatee were walking backstage. Christian told Tomko that he has to cater to "him". Tomko didn't want to, but Christian convinced Tomko to call "him".
[Commercial Break]
The TV truck rolled footage that Shelley handed to the announcers in the opening segment. They showed LAX walking inside a restaurant. Homicide and Hernandez went into the kitchen and looked for "Nick". Homicide took a plate and smashed it on the floor. Hernandez then choked out a chef. Homicide smashed him with a cookie sheet before Hernandez put the guy's head in an oven. Homicide told Shelley to cut the camera off. That was completely random with no back story or context.
[Q2]
Tenay and West said it's become personal with LAX going after a Team 3D family member. Again, TNA trying to get us to care about a situation where a completely random, unknown person is at the center of a storyline. Tenay and West discussed the Monday night special, then Samoa Joe's music interrupted. He talked about Kurt Angle. Christian Cage then interrupted on the video screen and talked about his consultant. He walked away, then Joe decided that was it for him. Completely pointless segment.
Borash was backstage outside of Cornette's office again. Bob Backlund stood up and quoted the dictionary. Borash plugged TNA's text messaging deal where people can vote for who Christian's consultant is. Borash told viewers to vote for Goldberg, Brock Lesnar, Joe, or None of the above. James Storm and Miss Tennessee interrupted. Miss T. told Gail Kim that she's kicking her ass at the PPV. Eric Young interrupted and asked Storm if anyone heard about his shopping trip last week. Storm told him to brand Miss Brook's ass. Christy Hemme then stormed past VKM into Cornette's office. Kip James went after Christy and B.G. followed in. And nothing sunk in with that segment.
[Commercial Break]
James Mitchell led Abyss on a walking trip around the building. He told Abyss to step up the violence and drive a stake through Sting's heart. Mitchell sent him looking Sting as Leticia stood silent holding the mic.
They recapped Eric Young's predicament with Miss Brooks.
2 -- ROBERT ROODE (w/Miss Brooks) vs. PETEY WILLIAMS (w/Gail Kim). As Petey walked to the ring, the camera focused on Gail, who's obviously more important to the show. Petey hit a huricanrana in the first 20 seconds before missing with a clothesline on the floor. Roode then slammed him into the guardrail and went to work back in the ring. Petey came back with a spin kick into the Russian legsweep. Brooks tried to interfere, but Gail pulled her down and slammed her into the apron. With the referee distracted by the women, James Storm ran into the ring and superkicked Petey. Roode then made the cover for the win. WINNER: ROODE IN 3:00. Match was inconsequential with the post-match happenings...
After the match, Miss Tennessee hit the ring and helped Brooks double team Gail. Roode and Storm double teamed Petey until Eric Young made the save. Tennessee then jumped on Young's back, but he flipped her to the mat and scored with a dropkick. Young grabbed Brooks and threatened to hit her, but Roode pulled Brooks out of the ring. Young then shoved Roode down to defend Brooks's honor. Young extended his arm to Brooks and escorted her away from ringside. Roode screamed in disgust, then he cracked a smile thinking Brooks had worked her charm as the vulnerable damsel in distress to hook Young. Intriguing.
[Q3]
Back in Cornette's office, Christy and Kip were screaming at each other. Cornette told them to calm down. Christy demanded an apology from Kip, who told her that her apology could be found where "x" marks the spot at his crotch. Christy said that's the crap she's talking about. Cornette told Christy that she could get even with Kip by marrying him or wrestling at the PPV. Cornette, being indecisive, said her opponent is To Be Determined. Kip made of Christy as B.G. tried to calm him down.
[Commercial Break]
Ron Killings did a promo for A Few Good Black Men in front of a green screen with a red, white, and blue flag floating in the wind. Killings quoted from his ebonics dictionary.
Tenay and West plugged the April Lockdown PPV in St. Louis.
James Mitchell interrupted and walked out alone. Tenay said it's not normal to see Mitchell without Abyss. Mitchell said Sting played with fire and got burned. He said he couldn't imagine it happening to a more deserving person. Mitchell said Sting caused Abyss to lose his focus and the NWA Title, leading to him opening Pandora's Box about Abyss shooting his father. Mitchell said Abyss is worse off now than when he first met him. He said that Abyss is just another slab of meat that he could replace when he's done with him and find another person to do his bidding. Hm... quite analogous to the mentality of some wrestling promoters. A black box was slowly lowered to the ring behind Mitchell and he unveiled a mini prison cell. Mitchell challenged Sting to a prison yard match against Abyss at the PPV, then Sting's music hit. Standing atop the rafters, Sting was sporting a leather mask over his face. Tenay said it might have been a mask similar to Abyss's. Well, that answers the question of whether he would wear an eye patch to sell being burned last week.
They aired a video package on Christopher Daniels, focusing on Daniels being injured by Samoa Joe last year. He said he hasn't figured out the meaning of winning the X Division title. Daniels said he feels like he's only treading water and completely stagnant. "There has to be more," he said. "There has to be."
Tenay and West quickly plugged Joe vs. Styles in the main event.
[Commercial Break]
[Q4]
Lance Hoyt did a pre-tape promo about A.J. Pierzynski and Dale Torborg. He said he respects their business of baseball, but he won't stand for them stepping over the line and ruining his business. Tenay said it would be Torborg vs. Hoyt at the PPV. They showed Johnny Damon sitting ringside.
Backstage, Borash brought in Brother Devon for a promo. Devon said his partner does most of the talking, but it's his time for him to talk. He said Ray is with his family after LAX attacked Ray's family. Devon said there would be hell to pay next week when Ray comes back. He said it's not about the NWA tag titles anymore; it's about respect. That was a breath of fresh air from Devon, despite them turning this into more of a personal feud than about the belts. Oh, that's right, they're just props anyways.
3 -- A.J. STYLES vs. SAMOA JOE. Tenay called this a PPV-worthy match. Styles hopped around the ring to avoid a lock up early on. He did a shuffle before Joe dropped him with a hard right hand. Joe followed with a standing enziguri, clearing Styles to the floor. Back in the ring, Styles used the referee to distract Joe. He then went on the offensive for a few minutes. Joe turned a leap frog into a quick slam, followed by a power slam off the ropes. Joe then tossed Styles to the floor and Styles grabbed his left knee in pain. Rhino came to ringside and attacked Styles from behind. The referee initially didn't call for a DQ, but Rhino attacked Styles in the ring and the ref threw the match out. So much for being a PPV-worthy match. WINNER: NO DECISION in 3:00. The first match between Joe and Styles after their amazing series in 2005 should have meant so much more than a three-minute throwaway match. A wasted opportunity.
Samoa Joe grabbed a chair and sat down in the ring. He said he wasn't going anywhere until Christian Cage came to the ring. They cut backstage where Angle walked past Silent Leticia on the way to the ring.
[Commercial Break]
Joe was still sitting in the chair with Kurt Angle standing over his shoulder. Angle asked Joe why they don't finish their business at the PPV. He called him a bold-faced liar and Joe stood up. He landed a series of right hand blows. Christian then came into the ring with a chair and aimed for Joe, but Joe ducked and Angle took the chair to the face. Christian smiled and went for a handshake, but Joe flipped him the double bird and landed a right hand blow to a big cheer. Styles then held Joe's feet from the outside allowing Christian to make a comeback. Christian slammed a chair over Joe's back, then he gave him the Unprettier. Christian took Angle's ring jacket and choked him. Styles and Christian shook hands as they closed the show without enough time to let things sink in. That said, Styles and Christian needed a credibility boost standing tall at the end of the show.
