- Joined
- Dec 29, 2000
- Posts
- 19,949
I was inspired to write a short story about SNK-P's failure based on my frustration in the News Thread "So KOF XII is delayed?"
It took me about 40 minutes to write this.
Or twice as long as it took SNK-P to test the netcode for KOF XII.
ENJOY!
Or not.
That's the attitude SNK-P had with KOF XII, isn't it?
PACHINKODENSETSU VS. CAPCOM
ROAD TO THE FINAL GAMBLING PARLOR
"NOT A MATCH! BULLSHIT LIE!"
(Terry, sitting on a stool outside a pachinko parlor in Japan. It’s a busy night and patrons are coming and going. Some people step up to go in and he holds an arm out to stop them momentarily. He looks inside the parlor and spots an overworked and very tired looking Kim Kaphwan surrounded by screaming customers asking for change. On the other side of the room, Goro Daimon is trying to patch a hole with boards, a hammer and some nails. Terry sighs, does a quick headcount of the patrons and then lets the players in. He tugs his familiar red and white cap down onto his head and looks back onto the street. After a little while, a fancy sports car pulls up and Ken, Ryu and Chun Li all get out. They are nicely dressed and seem to be in good spirits.)
Ryu: I’ve never actually gambled before.
Ken: Oh yeah? What about the EX series? That was a gamble!
Ryu: Hey, the EX games were pretty good. And you were in them, too.
Ken: They weren’t too bad. Definitely didn’t hurt the business. And anyway, what are you worried about? You’re rollin’ phat these days, my man!
Ryu: (laughs sheepishly and rubs the back of his head) Yeah, I guess you’re right. Things are looking up for the world warriors these days, eh?
Ken: You said it! Now let’s go spend some of that hard earned money!
Ryu: Pachinko? I thought you were higher class than this.
Ken: What can I say? I like to slum it once in a while too, Mr. ‘I live in the woods punching trees all day long.’
Chun Li (tuggingon Ryu’s arm): Hey guys, look there, by the door. Doesn’t he look familiar?
Ryu: Chun Li, I think you’re right. It’s….Terry!
(Terry groans inaudibly)
Ken: Terry Bogard!? NO WAY! Are you…are you actually….WORKING here?
Terry: (laughs nervously and tries to smile) Uh, heh heh…hey guys.
Chun Li: Hello, Terry. How have you been?
Ken: What do you mean, ‘how has he been?’ He works at a pachinko parlor! Isn’t it obvious he ain’t doin’ so good?
Terry: Hey now, no need to be mean to her. She’s just being polite.
Ryu: My friend, Terry…this is terrible. What are you doing WORKING here? This menial work doesn’t suit the TRUE king of fighters! (makes a fist and gives an intense glare)
Terry: Well gee, thanks Ryu. I’m glad you think so-
Ken: Terry, how did this happen!?
Terry: Huh? Well, you see...it’s kind of a long story.
Chun Li: Terry, was it the people that own your contract again?
Terry: …..yeah, actually. It is.
Ken: What did those jerks do to you guys this time?
Ryu: Didn’t they force you to work here once before?
Terry: (laughs nervously) Ha ha, you actually remember that? I’d kind of hoped you would have forgotten by now.
Ryu: I always remember worthy opponents. It pains me to see you like this again, Terry.
Ken: Yeah, it really bugs me too.
Chun Li: (standing on her tip toes, looking into the pachinko parlor) Is that Kim and Goro I see in there?
Terry: Yeah, they work here too.
Ken: Anybody else from your crew in this joint?
Terry: Some of the others work here on different nights. Kevin, Choi and Chang, Krauser, Jin Fu Ha, Rick Stroud….they’ve got us all over Japan right now in different parlors.
Ken: (grins lecherously) What about the ladies? Any of those SNK hotties like Mai or Vanessa in there?
Terry: Naw, they’re all working as sort of ‘virtual’ call girls for video game otakus theses days. They call it a ‘dating sim’ or something like that.
Chun Li: Oh my god…being groped by those unwashed masses must be awful!
Terry: Well, they aren’t actually being touched. I guess the nerds ask them a bunch of questions like ‘what’s your favorite food’ and ‘what kind of music do you like’ and somehow, it all ends with being able to play with a video game version of their boobs.
Ken: Heh heh…you said ‘bewbs.’
(Chun Li smacks Ken on the back of the head)
Ryu: This is terrible. So many of you are worthy fighters and you’re being denied the opportunity to truly shine because of poor choices made by your employers.
Terry: That’s the business. Back in the day, we had some good business going. Now…not so much.
Ryu: Are all of you relegated to such lives of ignominy?
Terry: Not all of us. Some of us are still pretty famous in certain circles. Or so I’ve been told.
Chun Li: Like who?
Terry: Kyo and Iori are doing pretty well for themselves these days. They’re in the adult film industry.
Ryu: …..together?
Terry: …..well, to be honest….
Ken, Ryu and Chun Li: NO WAY!
Terry: Well, look at them. If they don’t totally scream ‘yaoi’ at you, what does? And hey, let’s face it. Their boy toy images are the main reason they were ever popular to begin with. I can’t blame ‘em for cashing on in that.
Ken: I’m almost afraid to ask…what about your brother and Joe?
Terry: They’re not gay for each other, you idiot!
Ken: (waving Terry off) That’s not what I meant! I meant….what are they doing right now?
Terry: Well, a bunch of us were brought back for the latest tournament so they had to get in shape again. And they really did it too, you know? Everyone invited to the tournament really worked hard and got back in great fighting condition again. We were ready to rumble.
Ryu: I sense this tournament did not go so well.
Terry: Mismanaged from the start. The company originally planned for twice as many entrants but time and money were running short so they axed a bunch of people at the last minute and tried to spin it as their intention all along. Something about keeping us on our toes or some such.
Chun Li: You said everyone came back ready to fight. Were there any major changes?
Terry: Well, it had been a while since we’d gotten everyone together so we decided to dress up in our old threads. You know, relive the past…that sort of thing. Ryo even went so far as to change back to his original Kyokugen stance. He really went old school on us. Kensou too. He was wearing his green clothes from ages ago. Athena’s just kind of given up on the whole idol singer thing. She’s just a kawaii sailor fuku girl now. Leona ditched her army top. Oh, and Ralf and Clark either ate a LOT of food or ‘roided up because they are HUGE now. As big as Goro, at least.
Ken: Sounds like you were into it. What happened?
Terry: It was weird, you know? Even though we all tried to go back to basics, something didn’t feel right. It was like people forgot how to do all their moves. And sometimes…their moves were slow. And nothing seemed familiar. Not the music, the areas were fighting in…nothing. It was like everyone showed up for the dance in our best suits but they didn’t know how to actually dance. Well, that’s not entirely true. When we were really, really close to one another, it felt like the old days. But put any distance between us and I swear to god, it was slower than talking to someone with morse code.
Ryu: So what happened?
Terry: The company took a bath and they never recovered from it. They tried for the quick fix and it backfired on them.
Ken: And here you are, working pachinko parlors again.
Terry: (sighs) Yep, that’s the long and short of it.
Ryu: This is a travesty. I have managed to expunge the Satsui No Hadou from my soul, but if there were ever a time I wanted it back…
Ken: Easy, bro.
Terry: So, what about you guys? You seem to be doing well these days.
Chun Li: (smiles happily) Oh yes, we are. They recently remade one of our older tournaments and asked us all to participate again. It was updated for modern times and everything. It was quite fun, and a huge success!
Ken: AND they recently had a NEW tournament for us, too. We made a few new friends, and some new enemies, along the way.
Chun Li: (cheeks puffing) I hate that Seth!
Terry: Seth? Like…with the Mohawk?
Ken: Hahaha no, not your guy. He was the boss of the new tournament. Robot or android or something. I think he has a gay bar in his stomach or something. Anyway, he’s pretty lame. But the rest of the tournament was aces. And what’s great is that it was all handled smoothly and professionally. Perfectly run tournament in all respects. Very efficient.
Terry: Wow…that…that sounds, you know, great.
Ken: What about your tournament? Who was the boss? Geese? Mr. Big? Did they dig up Orochi or Igniz again?
Terry: (tugs his hat down over his eyes) We…didn’t….have a boss.
Ryu: What? No boss!? But…aren’t your tournaments always ended with strong bosses to challenge you?
Terry: (frustrated) Yeah, well…not this time, Ryu.
Ken: No boss!? That’s bunk! Your tournaments ALWAYS have bosses. Even when they’re ‘dream matches’, whatever THAT means.
Chun Li: What kind of SNK tournament was this supposed to be? Did the sponsors have any idea of your fan base? I can’t believe they would be that ignorant.
Terry: (voice low) Yeah, it’s…pretty bad right now.
(Terry doesn’t say anything, clearly flustered at his circumstances. Chun Li sees Terry’s upset and gives him a hug because he looks like he could use one)
Ryu: (puts a hand on Terry’s shoulder) Terry, my friend….have you ever thought about quitting them and coming to work with us?
Terry: Boy, have I ever! Everyone would love that, to be honest. But they aren’t gonna let our contracts go. They’d rather have us work shit jobs for the rest of our lives than give us any dignity or let us go somewhere that we can feel like our old selves again.
Chun Li: Terry, I’m so sorry.
Terry: It’s okay, Chun.
Ryu: If you and your fellows ever manage to get free from their fumbling hands, there will always be a place for you beside us.
Ken: I’m sure OUR bosses would love it.
Terry: (forces a smile) I’ll keep that in mind. Maybe it’ll come to that eventually. And you never know, we could eventually bounce back…there’s always NEXT year, right?
It took me about 40 minutes to write this.
Or twice as long as it took SNK-P to test the netcode for KOF XII.
ENJOY!
Or not.
That's the attitude SNK-P had with KOF XII, isn't it?
PACHINKODENSETSU VS. CAPCOM
ROAD TO THE FINAL GAMBLING PARLOR
"NOT A MATCH! BULLSHIT LIE!"
(Terry, sitting on a stool outside a pachinko parlor in Japan. It’s a busy night and patrons are coming and going. Some people step up to go in and he holds an arm out to stop them momentarily. He looks inside the parlor and spots an overworked and very tired looking Kim Kaphwan surrounded by screaming customers asking for change. On the other side of the room, Goro Daimon is trying to patch a hole with boards, a hammer and some nails. Terry sighs, does a quick headcount of the patrons and then lets the players in. He tugs his familiar red and white cap down onto his head and looks back onto the street. After a little while, a fancy sports car pulls up and Ken, Ryu and Chun Li all get out. They are nicely dressed and seem to be in good spirits.)
Ryu: I’ve never actually gambled before.
Ken: Oh yeah? What about the EX series? That was a gamble!
Ryu: Hey, the EX games were pretty good. And you were in them, too.
Ken: They weren’t too bad. Definitely didn’t hurt the business. And anyway, what are you worried about? You’re rollin’ phat these days, my man!
Ryu: (laughs sheepishly and rubs the back of his head) Yeah, I guess you’re right. Things are looking up for the world warriors these days, eh?
Ken: You said it! Now let’s go spend some of that hard earned money!
Ryu: Pachinko? I thought you were higher class than this.
Ken: What can I say? I like to slum it once in a while too, Mr. ‘I live in the woods punching trees all day long.’
Chun Li (tuggingon Ryu’s arm): Hey guys, look there, by the door. Doesn’t he look familiar?
Ryu: Chun Li, I think you’re right. It’s….Terry!
(Terry groans inaudibly)
Ken: Terry Bogard!? NO WAY! Are you…are you actually….WORKING here?
Terry: (laughs nervously and tries to smile) Uh, heh heh…hey guys.
Chun Li: Hello, Terry. How have you been?
Ken: What do you mean, ‘how has he been?’ He works at a pachinko parlor! Isn’t it obvious he ain’t doin’ so good?
Terry: Hey now, no need to be mean to her. She’s just being polite.
Ryu: My friend, Terry…this is terrible. What are you doing WORKING here? This menial work doesn’t suit the TRUE king of fighters! (makes a fist and gives an intense glare)
Terry: Well gee, thanks Ryu. I’m glad you think so-
Ken: Terry, how did this happen!?
Terry: Huh? Well, you see...it’s kind of a long story.
Chun Li: Terry, was it the people that own your contract again?
Terry: …..yeah, actually. It is.
Ken: What did those jerks do to you guys this time?
Ryu: Didn’t they force you to work here once before?
Terry: (laughs nervously) Ha ha, you actually remember that? I’d kind of hoped you would have forgotten by now.
Ryu: I always remember worthy opponents. It pains me to see you like this again, Terry.
Ken: Yeah, it really bugs me too.
Chun Li: (standing on her tip toes, looking into the pachinko parlor) Is that Kim and Goro I see in there?
Terry: Yeah, they work here too.
Ken: Anybody else from your crew in this joint?
Terry: Some of the others work here on different nights. Kevin, Choi and Chang, Krauser, Jin Fu Ha, Rick Stroud….they’ve got us all over Japan right now in different parlors.
Ken: (grins lecherously) What about the ladies? Any of those SNK hotties like Mai or Vanessa in there?
Terry: Naw, they’re all working as sort of ‘virtual’ call girls for video game otakus theses days. They call it a ‘dating sim’ or something like that.
Chun Li: Oh my god…being groped by those unwashed masses must be awful!
Terry: Well, they aren’t actually being touched. I guess the nerds ask them a bunch of questions like ‘what’s your favorite food’ and ‘what kind of music do you like’ and somehow, it all ends with being able to play with a video game version of their boobs.
Ken: Heh heh…you said ‘bewbs.’
(Chun Li smacks Ken on the back of the head)
Ryu: This is terrible. So many of you are worthy fighters and you’re being denied the opportunity to truly shine because of poor choices made by your employers.
Terry: That’s the business. Back in the day, we had some good business going. Now…not so much.
Ryu: Are all of you relegated to such lives of ignominy?
Terry: Not all of us. Some of us are still pretty famous in certain circles. Or so I’ve been told.
Chun Li: Like who?
Terry: Kyo and Iori are doing pretty well for themselves these days. They’re in the adult film industry.
Ryu: …..together?
Terry: …..well, to be honest….
Ken, Ryu and Chun Li: NO WAY!
Terry: Well, look at them. If they don’t totally scream ‘yaoi’ at you, what does? And hey, let’s face it. Their boy toy images are the main reason they were ever popular to begin with. I can’t blame ‘em for cashing on in that.
Ken: I’m almost afraid to ask…what about your brother and Joe?
Terry: They’re not gay for each other, you idiot!
Ken: (waving Terry off) That’s not what I meant! I meant….what are they doing right now?
Terry: Well, a bunch of us were brought back for the latest tournament so they had to get in shape again. And they really did it too, you know? Everyone invited to the tournament really worked hard and got back in great fighting condition again. We were ready to rumble.
Ryu: I sense this tournament did not go so well.
Terry: Mismanaged from the start. The company originally planned for twice as many entrants but time and money were running short so they axed a bunch of people at the last minute and tried to spin it as their intention all along. Something about keeping us on our toes or some such.
Chun Li: You said everyone came back ready to fight. Were there any major changes?
Terry: Well, it had been a while since we’d gotten everyone together so we decided to dress up in our old threads. You know, relive the past…that sort of thing. Ryo even went so far as to change back to his original Kyokugen stance. He really went old school on us. Kensou too. He was wearing his green clothes from ages ago. Athena’s just kind of given up on the whole idol singer thing. She’s just a kawaii sailor fuku girl now. Leona ditched her army top. Oh, and Ralf and Clark either ate a LOT of food or ‘roided up because they are HUGE now. As big as Goro, at least.
Ken: Sounds like you were into it. What happened?
Terry: It was weird, you know? Even though we all tried to go back to basics, something didn’t feel right. It was like people forgot how to do all their moves. And sometimes…their moves were slow. And nothing seemed familiar. Not the music, the areas were fighting in…nothing. It was like everyone showed up for the dance in our best suits but they didn’t know how to actually dance. Well, that’s not entirely true. When we were really, really close to one another, it felt like the old days. But put any distance between us and I swear to god, it was slower than talking to someone with morse code.
Ryu: So what happened?
Terry: The company took a bath and they never recovered from it. They tried for the quick fix and it backfired on them.
Ken: And here you are, working pachinko parlors again.
Terry: (sighs) Yep, that’s the long and short of it.
Ryu: This is a travesty. I have managed to expunge the Satsui No Hadou from my soul, but if there were ever a time I wanted it back…
Ken: Easy, bro.
Terry: So, what about you guys? You seem to be doing well these days.
Chun Li: (smiles happily) Oh yes, we are. They recently remade one of our older tournaments and asked us all to participate again. It was updated for modern times and everything. It was quite fun, and a huge success!
Ken: AND they recently had a NEW tournament for us, too. We made a few new friends, and some new enemies, along the way.
Chun Li: (cheeks puffing) I hate that Seth!
Terry: Seth? Like…with the Mohawk?
Ken: Hahaha no, not your guy. He was the boss of the new tournament. Robot or android or something. I think he has a gay bar in his stomach or something. Anyway, he’s pretty lame. But the rest of the tournament was aces. And what’s great is that it was all handled smoothly and professionally. Perfectly run tournament in all respects. Very efficient.
Terry: Wow…that…that sounds, you know, great.
Ken: What about your tournament? Who was the boss? Geese? Mr. Big? Did they dig up Orochi or Igniz again?
Terry: (tugs his hat down over his eyes) We…didn’t….have a boss.
Ryu: What? No boss!? But…aren’t your tournaments always ended with strong bosses to challenge you?
Terry: (frustrated) Yeah, well…not this time, Ryu.
Ken: No boss!? That’s bunk! Your tournaments ALWAYS have bosses. Even when they’re ‘dream matches’, whatever THAT means.
Chun Li: What kind of SNK tournament was this supposed to be? Did the sponsors have any idea of your fan base? I can’t believe they would be that ignorant.
Terry: (voice low) Yeah, it’s…pretty bad right now.
(Terry doesn’t say anything, clearly flustered at his circumstances. Chun Li sees Terry’s upset and gives him a hug because he looks like he could use one)
Ryu: (puts a hand on Terry’s shoulder) Terry, my friend….have you ever thought about quitting them and coming to work with us?
Terry: Boy, have I ever! Everyone would love that, to be honest. But they aren’t gonna let our contracts go. They’d rather have us work shit jobs for the rest of our lives than give us any dignity or let us go somewhere that we can feel like our old selves again.
Chun Li: Terry, I’m so sorry.
Terry: It’s okay, Chun.
Ryu: If you and your fellows ever manage to get free from their fumbling hands, there will always be a place for you beside us.
Ken: I’m sure OUR bosses would love it.
Terry: (forces a smile) I’ll keep that in mind. Maybe it’ll come to that eventually. And you never know, we could eventually bounce back…there’s always NEXT year, right?


