How to combat depression...

Two weeks ago I was happier then I have ever been in a long time. I met what I thought to be a great girl. I had alot in common with her and we hung out alot for a week or so and now she is being so rude to me. She tells me she likes me when I ask her but she hates most guys due to past boyfriends. She tells me that once she gets to know me and gain trust in me that maybe somthing will happen. So I decide that being friends for a while is fine with me. So I continue to hang out with her for four days or so. She calls me from time to time, and we talk on AIM for hours. These last couple of days she has been not wanting to hang out, ignoring me, and just trying to avoid me it seems. Tonite when I talked to her on AOL she told me she would be right back and then signed off and never returned, she wouldn't usually do this. She has these problems with trust etc. from past BF's and always thinks that people are yelling at her if they are just talking in a normal voice, she even got mad at me for this once.

It looks like now she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore and I am crushed. I am a very emotional person when it comes to relationships with people and I can't stand being like this. I would just say F*** it and not worry about her anymore, but this girl seemed so much different to me and I really thought that I liked her alot. Now I can't stop thinking about her. I feel like I am her bitch or somthing because no matter how mean she is to me it seems that I just follow after her again or go out of my way again.

If I do anything nice she tries to reverse it and say that I had a different motive for doing it wich is so far from the truth. For example; One time we were sitting in her car talking with the radio on and when she tried to start the car up we found the battery was dead. So when I jump start her car for her I tell her that I will follow her home to make sure that the car makes it to her house ok. I drive 40 minutes out of my way to do this, at 12:30 at night and when I get back home she has the nerve to tell me on AIM that the only reason I followed her home was to see where she lived so I "can get into her pants". What a rude thing to say.

For some reason I still call her each day and talk to her, think about her, or whatever. I know that I have only known her for a little while, I don't even know why I feel this attached. It needs to stop though.

I am always depressed now, I dont feel like playing games anymore, or doing much of anything. I dont even want to hang with my good friends really. I just dont act myself now, instead of being funny, and light hearted I am serious and down. I don't want to be like this but I can't help it right now. The only thing that lets me escape is to listen to some music or drive but that only helps me for so long.

My self esteem is just crushed right now. It seems that somthing like this happens with 3/4 of the girls that meet and talk to. Don't say it is because I am a loser either, because I am not.

Anyone have any similar experiences? Any idea's? It seems like the only way to get over her is to meet another girl but I do not see that happening anytime soon. I should be having the time of my life right now, just graduated from HS and accepted to college but for some reason it seems like this last week has been a hell.

I know that I am totally over reacting to all of this but I can't help it. I just let my emotions gain control of me sometimes. I don't know how to cheer up because all of the things that make me happy seem to not make me happy right now.

Maybe it is because when I was hanging out with her it was so great that everything else seems dull in comparison? I do not know. I just know that I can't continue to be like this. I care about her and like her alot more then she likes me, atleast from what I can tell and it sucks. It isn't just me though, she doesn't really like (as a BF) any guys right now. I never made a move on her though, just been her friend so I do not understand why this is happening.

Sorry for the typos, please ignore them.

This is almost exactly what I'm going through... IM me if you want to Mike...

having read the story, and having been in a similar situation all i can say is this: keep at it, she's apprehensive for a reason, and you will learn what that reason is soon enough, you must keep at it, and not give up simply bacause you feel down, or like you're being strung along, women are complex and odd. but they all want one thing: someone to love them. and if you can show that to her, if what you feel is real, and you know that you do truly love her then don't give up. keep at it is all i can say. this isn't depression this is the blues my friend, and the best way to combat the blues is either to A: tell that mean devil woman to take her hand out of your pocket. or B: keep on loving your baby. i say go for choice B simply because she needs you now more than ever. she is afraid, she is falling for you too, but afraid to show it, afraid to hurt, and so she does this stuff. you've got to tell her how you feel for her, and keep building that trues day after day. she'll tell you her feelings pour out her soul and heart in time. just keep at it.

I dont think she is falling for me as well, if I girl is interested she will want to hang out, want to talk all the time, and not sign off on AOL without saying a thing.

mikace01 said:

I dont think she is falling for me as well, if I girl is interested she will want to hang out, want to talk all the time, and not sign off on AOL without saying a thing.

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she's not your typical girl, that's the thing. she's afraid, she's scared, and timid, she likes you, but is afraid to open up for fear of being hurt. she has become a rock and her emotions don't show themselves too often because of her own fear of hurt. like i said i know where you're coming from and your best bet is to keep at it, but take it slow, really slow, tell her your feelings but put your feelings inbetween what you say to her. it's a tricky situation, but one you have two choices with. keep with it, or let it go. i say keep at it, but be slower than a turtle when it comes to letting the relationship progress past friendship.

Some guys say rule #1 is:

never try to understand a woman's actions...

Women are funny creatures. I kinda know how you feel Mike... the thing is... well. I dunno how to put it to you exactly.

But you said playing games and hanging with good friends... all detached... why... and for a girl?

Lust, love, attraction, whatever it is... when a man falls for a woman there is nothing else like it in the world. Not video games, sports or hunting could quite fill its place. Once we get a taste its like we're bees and they're honey.. more more more

As for you liking her more than her liking you... been there done that. No matter how many times you say "yeah but THIS ONE IS THE ONE" if the other party treats you crappy, either talk to them about it or if they refuse... you gotta learn to let go, quite frankly.

You just graduated HS... you're a young guy with his future all ahead of him. Good luck.

Kim _Kaphwan said:

she's not your typical girl, that's the thing. she's afraid, she's scared, and timid, she likes you, but is afraid to open up for fear of being hurt. she has become a rock and her emotions don't show themselves too often because of her own fear of hurt. like i said i know where you're coming from and your best bet is to keep at it, but take it slow, really slow, tell her your feelings but put your feelings inbetween what you say to her. it's a tricky situation, but one you have two choices with. keep with it, or let it go. i say keep at it, but be slower than a turtle when it comes to letting the relationship progress past friendship.

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Yea I think I fucked it up already though since at first I just went with my emotions and told her that I liked her as more then a friend. I didn't understand how she was until later. I guess I will keep at it...

She said that she doesnt feel any emotions at all. She told me that she thinks I am a really nice guy but she doesn't like guys right now. I thought it was a excuse and asked her if she just wasnt attracted to me but she said dont be stupid, I just don't like guys right now. I am the opposite of everything she hates about other guys, and I told her that and she told me that she wishes she could believe me but can't. It just sucks. I have been way to fast for her, and because of it she isn't really talking to me. So now I dont know if there is any way to repair what has already been done.

Part of me says I should let her go because I dont deserve to hang my head each night for no reason but I just can't do it for some reason.

Mike I don't expect you to answer these questions publicly but... ponder them for yourself.

1. Are you a REALLY nice guy? I mean, really nice as in "Hes so nice... AKA he's so not spontaneous or exciting?" (how girls think)

2. Would you consider yourself a hip guy?

3. How about this girl? Is she "hip"? Who does she hang out with?

It's sad but I have a close friend who isn't very hip. But he's a loyal friend; very nice, but shy... but like I said, a good guy. He liked a girl in college, they got around to being friends but to put it lightly he doesn't have the best social skills. Once he came onto her a little bit she avoided him and played that "I'm not into guys right now" card.

It's sad but some girls are FUCKING SUPERFICIAL and never look past "social status."

If this chick of yours is like that I say screw her, you're better than that garbage. Keep your head up and truck on.

Love is like a double edged sword. I have had girls all obsessed with me and like me but I do not like them back due to personality, looks, or whatever it may be. I feel bad about it but I just dont want to hang out with them really if they feel this way and I dont.

Now the tables are flipped on me, and I feel like shit. I am in the other postion.

Then again, she may not think like me, or like people for the same reasons I do so maybe it isn't that she doesnt like me, she just doesnt want to hang out for other reasons...

Sounds like a high maintenance girl. Personally, I wouldn't give anymore effort towards building anything other than a friendship with her. If you look at it from a friend's point of view anyway, she sounds like a complete ass that I wouldn't want to hang around with as it is. The longer you keep trying for something that will probably never happen, the more you'll start to sink into your own sadness. It's better you cut off all your efforts into making this a romantic relationship ASAP. When she's ready, she'll be ready. If she never wants you, at least you won't cry about it.

And think about it, after putting in all this effort, putting up with all of her bullshit, let's just say she decides that she wants to be with you. Can you imagine what kind of relationship it'll be? I could only see you getting shit on even more, because she already knows you'll take it. Find another girl. Just try to be her friend for the time being. I can almost guarantee that if you got another girlfriend that she would probably be up your ass like you've never seen.

Dear god- I wish there was a 'woman' faq in this site at times.

I feel as though I'm damned for all eternity to lay down undiluted truth to young, inexperienced guys.

Women are NOT in a position to be trusted with *your* feelings. And women, when they don't like you, won't come right out and tell you. Women can be creeped out by a nerdy guy's affection, and yet, at the same time, be flattered and have her ego stroked by said affection.

Listen to me you dumb bastards, I'm fucking pushing 30, ok? I have 'been there' and 'done that' to the point of mental exhaustion. I've had it happen to me, and also seen it happen to guys who I thought were the sort to never have problems with women.

When I give you stupid bastards advice, I'm not trying to be sarcastic, ok? I'm trying to help. Kim, for example, had a flaming train-wreck of an online implosion with that attention whore Misstress Dragon. (Who- BTW is NOT physically all that attractive- I saw the pic, gents). If he had LISTENED to me, perhaps the very *PUBLIC* psycho-explosion of patheticness could have been avoided. LOL 'What you had' haha. Toughen up Kim. You're young, and I've faith in your rediculous, inexperienced ass. I was always on your side BTW- I knew MD would play you and you'd end up with ZERO pussy in hand. No sunsets together, no soft, quiet moments of leisure. Just a cold internet and a lot of dead air.

Disappointment hurts, but it could have been avoided alltogether by actions based upon sound advice.

If you guys listened to older, more experienced guys- you might have a touch of insight into how things WORK. I had these things figured out, luckily, by 21- after I hit 21 I had learned enough to play my cards right- prior to my 'realisations' I was either pining away for some girl who wanted nothing to do with me, or playing stupid, needy girls for sex- all the while playing 'uteris roulette' with the notion of getting one of the needy retards pregnant and ruining my young life.

Stop being victims boys- you are men. You are not designed by genetics to be victims, unless, that is, you are resigned to be the one lion one the Serengeti that doesn't get laid and dies alone, and without cubs.

Your minds do not HAVE to be weak. Your emotions do not HAVE to ruin you.

mikace01 said:

My self esteem is just crushed right now. It seems that somthing like this happens with 3/4 of the girls that meet and talk to. Don't say it is because I am a loser either, because I am not.

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Your not a loser, now STFU.
There is no need to feel depressed or have low self esteem. all signs point to here having some "issues" from past relationships. You can blame a large part of it the society we live in today. I also do not know how old you 2 are ( sounds like late teens to early 20's) but that could have a little to do with it as well.
Just don't become a whiny man woman crawling to here saying "but I love you so much" they (woman) hate that shit and they will show you just how much by kicking your ass to the curb. sorry, but it's true.
as much as you may find it easier to wallow in your misery you MUST simply man up a little, let her know that you are still there if she wants to be friends (with out bieng all whiny and klingy about it) and be with people that make you feel good. go out with your friends. simply meet a few new people ( you know, go talk to some girls) and shit like that. Basically you need to go do things to braoden your perception of the worl you are in...YOUR WORLD. i=other wise the only perception you have is the tiny world that you are living in: the one that you are hurting in and has nothing worthwile. That outlook is never good.
So go broaden your horizons and have a good time. Besides mostly all women love mentally strong men who get right back up when there is a set back while they hate mhiny, clingy guys.
Hope this helps.


Oh, and BTW, there is a chance that she may not like you. it does sound like you may not have given her enough room to breath when she started to feel all uncomfortale. when the vagina needs it's space and you do not provide it pushes you away even farther. as much as you may want to hang out with her and be all buddy buddy you will just have to give her some breathing room for the time being.

SonGohan said:

Sounds like a high maintenance girl. Personally, I wouldn't give anymore effort towards building anything other than a friendship with her. If you look at it from a friend's point of view anyway, she sounds like a complete ass that I wouldn't want to hang around with as it is. The longer you keep trying for something that will probably never happen, the more you'll start to sink into your own sadness. It's better you cut off all your efforts into making this a romantic relationship ASAP. When she's ready, she'll be ready. If she never wants you, at least you won't cry about it.

And think about it, after putting in all this effort, putting up with all of her bullshit, let's just say she decides that she wants to be with you. Can you imagine what kind of relationship it'll be? I could only see you getting shit on even more, because she already knows you'll take it. Find another girl. Just try to be her friend for the time being. I can almost guarantee that if you got another girlfriend that she would probably be up your ass like you've never seen.

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Sorry to hear about that Mike. And you probably don't want o hear what Son is saying here, but he's right. It's hard enough to have a decent relationship when they start out perfect, but when they start out like that .... it's best just to keep lookin'.

Besides, any bitch that makes you not want to do the things you like because you're miserable about her ..... well, she doesn't deserve your effort. There are girls out there who will appreciate it. Oh yeah, be sure to hook me up when you find one . j/k

Re: Re: How to combat depression...

ORPHEUS said:

Your not a loser, now STFU.
There is no need to feel depressed or have low self esteem. all signs point to here having some "issues" from past relationships. You can blame a large part of it the society we live in today. I also do not know how old you 2 are ( sounds like late teens to early 20's) but that could have a little to do with it as well.
Just don't become a whiny man woman crawling to here saying "but I love you so much" they (woman) hate that shit and they will show you just how much by kicking your ass to the curb. sorry, but it's true.
as much as you may find it easier to wallow in your misery you MUST simply man up a little, let her know that you are still there if she wants to be friends (with out bieng all whiny and klingy about it) and be with people that make you feel good. go out with your friends. simply meet a few new people ( you know, go talk to some girls) and shit like that. Basically you need to go do things to braoden your perception of the worl you are in...YOUR WORLD. i=other wise the only perception you have is the tiny world that you are living in: the one that you are hurting in and has nothing worthwile. That outlook is never good.
So go broaden your horizons and have a good time. Besides mostly all women love mentally strong men who get right back up when there is a set back while they hate mhiny, clingy guys.
Hope this helps.

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I am 17. I think you are right here, maybe I have been a bit too whiny/clingy. The only reason I did that was to try to show her that I care, since she didnt like the uncaring people of her past relationships. I need to redeem myself to feel good. Right now I feel like her bitch or somthing, you know? And Neo Buyer is right, guys shouldn't be on this side of the spectrum, its not how we are set up. Maybe I should just tell her how I feel, in a not as nice way, and just say its over. Maybe then I will feel better about myself as well because right now I feel like a idiot for acting so emotional with her.

Hehehe, it does seem like the most recurrent things around here are:

1. I'm bummed outta video games -- help

or

2. Girl trouble -- help



Last thought before I pack it in. Neobuyer and SonGohan -- I agree with these two cats. You do not have to be a victim. You are a man. Man up. Be confident, do not lack self esteem. Walk with your head up. Look forward to the present. Be all the man you can be... and stop thinking. Stop analyzing. Just be. Just do.

It's good you got this experience though Mike... cuz I guarantee ya for the rest of your life this will be a good "character builder" experience under ya belt.

Re: Re: Re: How to combat depression...

mikace01 said:

I am 17. I think you are right here, maybe I have been a bit too whiny/clingy. The only reason I did that was to try to show her that I care, since she didnt like the uncaring people of her past relationships. I need to redeem myself to feel good. Right now I feel like her bitch or somthing, you know? And Neo Buyer is right, guys shouldn't be on this side of the spectrum, its not how we are set up. Maybe I should just tell her how I feel, in a not as nice way, and just say its over. Maybe then I will feel better about myself as well because right now I feel like a idiot for acting so emotional with her.

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It's cool man. I think most guys have suffered while being under the spell of a girl (or two). And it's obvious that you really like her so that's good that you went the distance. But I still think the healthy thing to do at this point is to call it quits. You've got LOTS of years ahead to find a girl that'll make you forget all about her.

Take it from King's dry cleaner dude .... know when to say when .

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galfordo said:

It's cool man. I think most guys have suffered while being under the spell of a girl (or two). And it's obvious that you really like her so that's good that you went the distance. But I still think the healthy thing to do at this point is to call it quits. You've got LOTS of years ahead to find a girl that'll make you forget all about her.

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Yea true. The main thing Im down about right now though is just because I feel like a dumbass. Being so emotional with her, and being all clingy, like Orpheus said. I see her all over the place since she goes alot of places that I do and now when I see her I wil feel kinda lame. I dont wanna end with her thinkin I am a little man/woman, lol. I guess it is too late now though.

M-a-n-i-p-u-l-a-t-i-o-n

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mikace01 said:

Yea true. The main thing Im down about right now though is just because I feel like a dumbass. Being so emotional with her, and being all clingy, like Orpheus said. I see her all over the place since she goes alot of places that I do and now when I see her I wil feel kinda lame. I dont wanna end with her thinkin I am a little man/woman, lol. I guess it is too late now though.

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We've all done it - some of us multiple times. Just stop the bleeding and I think you'll be fine. And I know what you mean about seeing her and feeling awkward - I used to be really hesitant to ask girls out if I knew I'd see them regularly (and still am, to an extent). But, you gotta take a swing if you wanna hit that grand slam, so you should take comfort in the fact that you had the courage to do that.

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galfordo said:

We've all done it - some of us multiple times. Just stop the bleeding and I think you'll be fine. And I know what you mean about seeing her and feeling awkward - I used to be really hesitant to ask girls out if I knew I'd see them regularly (and still am, to an extent). But, you gotta take a swing if you wanna hit that grand slam, so you should take comfort in the fact that you had the courage to do that.

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I dont think that you understand what I am saying. I dont want to leave her and have her think that I am a overly emotional girly man, Im not even like this with most girls. I wish there was a way to change what I said in the past. I always said "but I really like you" etc. etc., stuff like that. And now that I think about it, Orph was right, girls hate that stuff. I don't even know why I acted like that. I dont want to change the way she views me because I like her, I want to do it for me. I don't want to end on this as the little bitch boy, you know what Im saying? I think it is too late to change though. First impressions are too hard to shake.

SonGohan said:

Sounds like a high maintenance girl. Personally, I wouldn't give anymore effort towards building anything other than a friendship with her. If you look at it from a friend's point of view anyway, she sounds like a complete ass that I wouldn't want to hang around with as it is. The longer you keep trying for something that will probably never happen, the more you'll start to sink into your own sadness. It's better you cut off all your efforts into making this a romantic relationship ASAP. When she's ready, she'll be ready. If she never wants you, at least you won't cry about it.

And think about it, after putting in all this effort, putting up with all of her bullshit, let's just say she decides that she wants to be with you. Can you imagine what kind of relationship it'll be? I could only see you getting shit on even more, because she already knows you'll take it. Find another girl. Just try to be her friend for the time being. I can almost guarantee that if you got another girlfriend that she would probably be up your ass like you've never seen.

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Ditto.

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mikace01 said:

I dont think that you understand what I am saying. I dont want to leave her and have her think that I am a overly emotional girly man, Im not even like this with most girls. I wish there was a way to change what I said in the past. I always said "but I really like you" etc. etc., stuff like that. And now that I think about it, Orph was right, girls hate that stuff. I don't even know why I acted like that. I dont want to change the way she views me because I like her, I want to do it for me. I don't want to end on this as the little bitch boy, you know what Im saying? I think it is too late to change though. First impressions are too hard to shake.

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well, last thought before I go to bed:


Whats done is done. besides, the only only thing worse than being the girly man (and since you are only 17 it doesnt matter that much) is being the guy who puts on a front and tries to act like he feels nothing.
If you try to repair a bit of the damage just make it subtle O.K.
BTW, i saw your pic in the members section and you sure as hell don't look 17. you also look to be a relatively attractive guy by societies standards (not tryin to hit on ya or anything) so unless you are a completely boring/bumbling fuck I am sure you should have no problem meeting some girls.

G'night everybody.

Well thanks for all of your help. I guess I am just learning, the next girl I meet I won't approach in the same way when certain situations come up. I will take this as a educational experience, lol.

I'd say, "don't let her drag you into her world" but it seems you are there right now.

You might be better off letting this one go.

I've had to deal with this too and I did the thing she drove me to do (which is what she expected), I left her.

MOVE ON to the next one.