so my grandma died today.

K_K · Oct 20, 2003

yeah my grandma who had altzheimers for the past like five years died today. and the thing is i don't fell any emotion, i mena to me she died when she started calling me david, and lost the ability to speak and basically be the grandma i always knew like a year ago. but now she's gone; and i feel like a bastard for not caring. i feel like i have something wrong with me that i'm not in tears like my mom, or in need of consolement, the fact that i acted like the same jackass as i always do todayjust makes me feel like an asshole, makes me feel like i'm a rat bastard. i've never been good at expressing sadness, but shouldn't i feel sad now, shouldn't i be in tears? i know for a fact i shouldn't be joking around, and i shouldn't still be acting like a goofy stupid kid with big sideburns. what the hell is wrong with me?

Fox1 · Oct 20, 2003

Sorry to hear that :crying:

may she rest in peace.

the binary c0de · Oct 20, 2003

I felt the same way when my grandparents died. I kicked myself for not having certain emotions and tried to force myself to grieve. Just reciently, after about 3 or four years, I am finally realizing that I truely do miss them and I am now, not in a giant tear fest, grieving for my losses. It might take time, so be patient. There is no time you can put on mourning and healing.

FeelGood · Oct 20, 2003

I didn't feel bad when my grandmother died. Actually, even when my gradfather died, I felt the same. Don't feel too bad.

After a few months I started to really feel the loss. Still no tears, but you feel like there's more you wanted from their lives.

bokmeow · Oct 20, 2003

My sincerest condolences, I can totally relate. When my grandmother died, everyone cried their eyes out except me, and I tried to force tears out of my eyes but none would come out. Although I had always questioned my psychological development, I was severely affected at that moment and questioned my humanity. What kind of bastard was I not to cry? It's when I relive that moment that sometimes I cry, but whether from pain for my loss of humanity or loss of my grandmother, I never could clearly distinguish. Perhaps opening up the problem to a close friend will help alleviate some of the guilt and come to terms with the anxiety, because I did a little bit of that and feel somewhat better, but the ghost still haunts me even now.

Average Joe · Oct 20, 2003

I know how you feel.

My grandmother has been sick for a few years now, and it seems at any moment she will pass away. But I already know, that when she finally does pass on, it won't cause me any major grief.

It's an odd feeling, because I do love her and she is a truly kind woman.

Perhaps it's the lingering sense of death for a few years that sort of softens the blow when the time finally comes, or maybe your grandmother just wasn't a tremendous influence in your life?

Hard to say really.

But I certainly don't think it's because you're a heartless bastard.

FeelGood · Oct 20, 2003

I didn't cry over SNK closing either.

Average Joe · Oct 20, 2003

EvilWasabi said:
I didn't cry over SNK closing either.

I cried when my KOF2002 kit arrived and I realized how much money I just blew out the window.

brentsg · Oct 20, 2003

I think what you're feeling is relatively normal for someone who lost a relative to altzheimers.

Don't sweat how you're reacting. It's a genuine feeling and easy to understand given the nature of the disease. You lost someone close to you a while back. The current loss is just mercy.

Best wishes to your family.

Brent

striderpunk · Oct 20, 2003

my grandparents both died in the same summer, my grandpa first than my grandma well I miss em but my oldest sister killed him and my grandma died of emphyzema

Shapermc · Oct 20, 2003

I know you probably don't want to hear someone that you don't know relate to your situation.

I do want you to know you have my condolences. It took me a while to know what I truly felt in your situation.

SML · Oct 20, 2003

People dying doesn't bother me. But I do get emotional when I see other people get that way. I don't know if I'm feeling sad that they're sad or what.

QnzNeoGeoChick · Oct 20, 2003

Two of my grandmothers died exactly ten years apart, one when I was 3, and the other when I was 12. When my grandmother died five years ago, everyone, including me, entered in a state of shock. One of my grandfathers died before my other grandmother did, about six years ago. I have a hard time accepting that, thinking that she cheated her death, and I didn't until two years ago.

Anyway, sorry to hear about that.

Ghost-Dog · Oct 20, 2003

That's a common reaction from the death of a grandparent affected by Alzhiemers. It kind of gives you more time to prepare yourself for the passing than you would get if they died suddenly.

Alzhiemer's is a sad disease.

MegaDrive20XX · Oct 20, 2003

My condolences Kim. I know it's hard losing someone dear to you, and my own grandmother (age 91) is slowly losing her mind and thinks it's the 80's still... and then suddenly will know what she did at age 4, only to forget again. It's sad and I know it's going to hit me hard when my grandmother goes, for now all I can do is wish you the best, keep your chin up, and may your grandmother rest in peace.

She's gone onto a better place man.

Sincerely...

Michael Ibarra "Shalako" Minter
MD20XX / Storm Rider

BryLmoo · Oct 20, 2003

she's in a better place now.

you'll know when its time to cry, and you'll know when its time to feel sad about it. trust me. i've been there.

RabbitTroop · Oct 20, 2003

Everyone handles loss differently. Don't worry if you don't feel you are living up to the "saddness" you understood she would pass, you were ready for it, and it probably didn't come as a horrible shock. I never shed one tear when my brother died, I felt terrible too... then, at the funeral... when his friends were talking about him and crying... I almost lost it. It hit me then... it seemed like a bad joke, like he would get up out of the coffin and say "DUMB ASSES!"

Really... it will come, you will deal with it the way you need to deal with it... Sorry for your loss...

-Nick

RabbitTroop · Oct 20, 2003

Oh, and now is not a good time to read "The Stranger"

-Nick

Spike Spiegel · Oct 20, 2003

I understand what you are saying. Do not feel bad for not... well... feeling bad. Everyone is different. And again, because of her disease, it makes saying goodbye almost easier. It's better this way.

Sorry and I wish the best to you and yours,
Spike

MistressDragon · Oct 20, 2003

Don't feel too bad. Sometimes when I'm most hurt, a single tear won't come out, and I feel nothing. It's just how my body protects my emotions. Sorry to hear abou the loss, though

Freakit · Oct 21, 2003

i'm tempted to say that at least you're not like me, but then i think that perhaps people would be better off like me....

i've had quite a few people i've either cared about or just known that have died over the years. i won't bother talking about all of them, but some of the more significant ones i'll bring up...

my grandfather choked to death infront of me when i was 5 years old... one of my best 'female' friends died of aids infront of me in the hospital when i was in high school.. a girl i had dated a few times and felt i was really connecting with had died in a motorcycle accident... and the list just goes on.. although the others had died of natural causes or i just didn't really know them too well.

so now it comes to the part where i get to the point i was even going to bring up in the first place.. and that is.. since i've had all these 'terrible' things happen around me, none of that stuff really phases me anymore. i could have a room full of people die right before me and not have a care in the world about it....

so what do you guys think of that? a good quality to have or bad?

FeelGood · Oct 21, 2003

didnt cry when my great grandma died. i dont think i will ever cry if someone lives a long life. if they die tragically and i am very very close to them then yeah i would cry. if one of my brothers died i would cry. if my mom died right now i would cry.

i want to die before my brothers or close cousins.

chris1 · Oct 21, 2003

Sorry to hear that,....My Condolences..

Decepticon · Oct 21, 2003

I know how you feel. I lost my grandmother in 97 to cancer and I didn't really feel upset at all.

To this day I miss her and I do feel like she has missed out on the best parts of my life, but to not mourn the death of someone that suffered for so long is natural. Especially if you have known for years that their time is coming sooner than later.

My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family but don't think you are a bad person for not feeling bad about the situation as it is normal.

AppleseedCast · Oct 21, 2003

Hey Kim, sorry to hear about your loss man, but don't beat yourself up about the way you're reacting - you do what you have to do to get over it. I've lost four realatives in the past four years - uncle, aunt, grandad, uncle and the last one is the only one that has made me cry. Even that has more to do with the fact that they're all on my mothers side - her Mum died when she was 16, and in the last four years she's lost her Dad, 2 Brothers and a Sister, so even now I think I'm crying more for her loss than about the death of my Uncle. Some people don't do crying and public displays of grief, and some appear to be completely unaffected - doesn't mean they're hurting any less.

so my grandma died today.

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