Ever feel like you don't know who you are anymore??

Michael Yagami

I was wondering if I might get a rank with a Castl
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Seriously, I've been feeling like this for a while now. Christ, I'm only 23 and I feel like everything is going downhill and I've lost who I am somewhere along the way. I really don't have a clue any more.

Sorry to dump this out here at NG.com, I don't usually do this kind of thing. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Mike
 

Argentina94

Slug Flyer Pilot
20 Year Member
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Perhaps there's a goal missing from your life and you have no direction right now.

You have to look at yourself and ask "What am I missing?"
 
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Yeah tell me about it Yagami... I know just what you mean. Back in the day EVERYTHING was magic, had allure to it... now everything is been there done that, bloody fuckin' boring. I used to have DRIVE/AMBITION to aspire to some chauffered high roller in a BENZ, sportin' fly Armani/Versache suits etcetra... but somewhere along the way I saw just how poor most of those high rollers really are. Having mulitple degrees on your wall ain't much better. So you've got some institution that recognizes your economically viable worth to the global collective? WOW! Really fuckin' impressed. After awhile I see that no matter what, life as rated by the HAVES and the so called Successful is just superficial, thus I live one day blurring into another... stormriding... collecting/playing a game here or there, chatting in here online, working this job or that job as I see fit and more or less now devote my life to pissing ppl off who think they're better than someone else, while trying to better understand why I'm (By God's decree in the Bible) supossed to LOVE my fellow man, when all my fellow man does is perpetuate the same superficiality that is the order of the day and GOD FORBID anyone think outside the box, question the accepted norm or color outside the lines.

On one hand I am a SEEKER of higher knowledge outside the bullshit hum drum of contemporary living... and the more I know that the others (the sheep around me in their Aber Crombie & Fitch) don't know, save their over spent educations... the madder I become because the gutless majority will someday kill out the fading light of individuals who walk their own path. On the other hand, I just stare off into space and wonder WTF?
 

zorro

Galford's Poppy Trainer
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definitley don't know who I am anymore. not so much in the ways of ambition, but more like morals. I've been meaner than I should've at most times and done things I'd never of though I would. Today before class I had a cute chick laying on top of me for like 30 minutes and it seemed like no big thing at all. it felt good afterwards though. Escpecially when the techer yelled at me

edit: I mean like I don't hesitate to do things that would usually seem wrong to me, or hard to do. I straight-up told my friend(more like acquaintence) that his car was totalled be a gay guy as an act of karma because he'a been making fun of gays for his entertainment for like 3 years. joking mostly. anyway he tried to talk like he always does and make me think I was wrong, and this time I was like: No, not really. also I had alcohol from someone other than family for the first time without hesitating. and I'd do it again too. it was damn good! Shmirnof triple black

<small>[ April 01, 2003, 12:09 AM: Message edited by: zorro ]</small>
 

FeelGood

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Michael Yagami:
Seriously, I've been feeling like this for a while now. Christ, I'm only 23 and I feel like everything is going downhill and I've lost who I am somewhere along the way. I really don't have a clue any more.

Sorry to dump this out here at NG.com, I don't usually do this kind of thing. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Mike
It gets worse. After a while, only the IRS knows anything personal about you.

You go back to your highschool, all your teachers are gone. You go back to college, none of your professors remember you. You go home for the holidays, and your old friends are all moved out of town like you did, but to different parts of the world. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to go back to.

Except Neo Geo Land in Osaka.
 

Kid Aphex

samus' love slave,
Joined
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Posts
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Argentina94:
Perhaps there's a goal missing from your life and you have no direction right now.

You have to look at yourself and ask "What am I missing?"
good advice. and its good to see you posting more often again!

good times
ray
 

Crovax

Rasputin's Rose Gardener
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Posts
701
Nope, you're not alone Yagami. I've been feeling the same way for some time myself as well, and I'm only 21. It's not even the "been there, done that" feeling that Megadrive is talking about either, but rather its as if I don't even know WHY i'm doing anything these days. it all seems so futile, y'know. I'd offer some advice...but then again, I wouldn't be in the same boat if I knew how to solve the problem. all I can say is hang in there, and that you aren't alone in feeling this way.
 

steveold

Guerilla Warrior
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Michael, maybe you're just in a SLUMP? I don't know.

I always found that setting realistic positive goals are a good thing to do.

But I know what you mean. Sometimes at night you look in the mirror and say, "What happened to me? I used to be so energetic and lively..."

I had that experience a couple times... but I am easily pleased. I enjoy the tiniest of things in life, such as looking out my window at the beautiful view. Anyway, everyone has his own thing.

Perhaps you just need to find your own thing.
 

shir0

Later, Gumm0
Joined
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(the sheep around me in their Aber Crombie & Fitch)
A. If you are going to fucking cry over a
clothing label, get the name right.

It's "Abercrombie & Fitch," no space there
bucko. Now, on to the best part of telling
you off.

Clothes don't make the person, asshole.

Thanks for playing though.

Later

shir0

(I play the same games you do, I just play
them while wearing a pair of wallabees, a
AF tee and some khakis.)
 

Gaston

Bunker Buster
20 Year Member
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No, felt this when I was 16. What you need is some regularity in your life dude. Get a job or something. It will REALLY make you appreciate the spare time you'll get...
It's only more of a problem when you sit at home just thinking about yourself ("Who am I). And this will drive you up the freakin wall...
 

Buro Destruct

Formerly known as, Buro Destruct, , Southtown Stre
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MegaDrive 20XX:
On one hand I am a SEEKER of higher knowledge outside the bullshit hum drum of contemporary living... and the more I know that the others (the sheep around me in their Aber Crombie & Fitch) don't know, save their over spent educations... the madder I become because the gutless majority will someday kill out the fading light of individuals who walk their own path. On the other hand, I just stare off into space and wonder WTF?
Come on, cut that shit out, thats highschool sophomore style right there. I'm not a large fan of the "majority" either, but that doesn't mean they don't wear nice clothes(I happen to like Structure and American Eagle, I can't stand the way Abercrombie and Fitch stores smell). Kid has the right idea, we need to devise a way to administer a lethal pill to all the ignorant people in the world, without feeling guilty about it.

Anyway, to address Michael's topic, maybe you're becoming somebody different, and the person you used to be is no longer recognizable. Just make sure the new person has some strong convictions and persistence toward an ultimate goal.

<small>[ April 01, 2003, 01:26 AM: Message edited by: Buro Destruct ]</small>
 

Michael Yagami

I was wondering if I might get a rank with a Castl
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I'm takin' a break from here. I'll be back once my head is screwed back on the right way again.

Later,

Mike
 

Argentina94

Slug Flyer Pilot
20 Year Member
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Kid Aphex:
good advice. and its good to see you posting more often again!

good times
ray
I switched my position at work from a pencil-pusher to a refrigeration mechanic (probably for the same reason Micheal posted this topic) and work nights now. Since I don't have the net at home, I post whenever I can.

Good to hear from you again, Ray. :cool:
 

steveold

Guerilla Warrior
Joined
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Posts
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Also, Michael, I have some more theories on human's struggles in life. If you have time to read my (incoherent) rambling, here it is.

Humans need challenges. An old quote from an old movie springs to my mind:

"I thought being a ghost was cool because you get to do things humans can't. But ghosts do not have challenges to look forward to. Humans have ambitions. They have ups and downs. They have goals to work hard for and to crave."

You see, I feel life is most fun when we're challenging ourselves and when we present ourselves in new situations. It's like making that jump from elementary to junior high. Or junior high to high school. Or high school to college.
Each one is a challenge to adjust and adapt.

Ever think, "there's got to be something out there... something spiritual that makes it all click." I have.

I highly recommend this book, and even if those spirituality books aren't your thing, hey, give it a shot. Borrow it from a library or something. It wouldn't hurt. "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. My friend recommended it to me and it was a great interactive read.

It also helps to really think about your feelings, and dig deep and try to find meanings. After all, YOU CAN'T CHANGE WHAT YOU DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE.
Am I right here?

Try making a list of why you feel you have "lost yourself" and what little things you CAN DO to change the situation for the better. That's a start.
What in your life, whether past or present, motivates you? Gets your blood pumping? Think about the absolute best times in your life. Why did you feel so good that night? What did you do to feel so good? Where were you? What other variables were going on in your life at that point? Have those variables change today for the worse, in your opinion? Dig deep and think it over. Only you know the real you.

It all starts with the mind. The mind is a powerful thing. If you read Mr. Tolle's "The Power of Now" you may grasp his fundamental teachings much better.

Here's another good quote that comes from a famous person in the 80s: "Now I wake up I feel good, I'm looking good. That's life. Everything else -- it's just TOTAL illusion, rip me off millions, rip me off the respect of my family, rip off my self-respect."

You know what? Maybe it really IS all total illusion. That rips us off. Total illusion... I mean, what really matters in life? Waking up and feeling good? Yeah, I'd say that's part of what matters.

Well, I wish you luck in your quest to "find yourself." Trust me, it's a battle many of us wrestle with at different points in our lives.
 

Bluevoodu

Kyokugen's Student
Joined
Aug 22, 2001
Posts
3,189
Michael,

I have felt this too. Its sort-of part of growing up. You know you have responsibilities that lie ahead. You know that you do not want to give up your past, and you do not want that past to change because it was so good to you.
you see that instead of having tons of fun you are going to have to go to work everyday , meet new people, change your life style, and change everything about yourself basically... even though you are somewhat the same.

Your moods are changing...etc..etc
I could go into this for a long time.

What you have to do to get out of this is be thankful for what you got. Get up early, take a walk. If you have a G/F or Wife, play games with her. If you are addicted to something (YES, these types of slups can come from addictions) seek the help that you need.

Within time, you'll get out of it :)

I know must people wouldn't agree with this, but in times of need God always seems to help, or a reliance on God does.. as he never changes. Everything is always the same.


†B†V†
 
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Posts
2,402
shir0:
(the sheep around me in their Aber Crombie & Fitch)
A. If you are going to fucking cry over a
clothing label, get the name right.

It's "Abercrombie & Fitch," no space there
bucko. Now, on to the best part of telling
you off.

Clothes don't make the person, asshole.

Thanks for playing though.

Later

shir0

(I play the same games you do, I just play
them while wearing a pair of wallabees, a
AF tee and some khakis.)
Well maybe you're the exception to the rule or something Shir0. I only use that particular brand of clothing with so-called "Sheep" because most of the people I have run into who flaunt their scholastic achievements and prove time and again, they are "YES" men to the collective majority usually wear A&F stuff. Thus I now have this disgust for the clothing line itself, which sucks because I used to wear it for a season... that is until I saw most of the people wearing it did it because some movie stars wore it, etcetera, etcetera.

If that's not you, (the YES man in his A&F) then hey furgettaboutit. You've always been more or less cool in here thus it wasn't an attack on you or anyone who likes the clothes... but it is an attack on the perpetuated ballyhoo of the superficial hum drum of present day society as allowed to continue by each generation who only see what's in front of them, memorizes shit for a test, gets a job, gets married (maybe), has kids, sends them off to the same schools of "Clone Programming"... where their spirit is broken (i.e. right from the start your taught coloring outside the lines in a coloring book IS NOT ACCEPTABLE)... don't be different, don't think for yourself with the knowledge given to you past a certain point... then while your child is going through this sifiting process of assimilation, BAAAAM you're an old fart (not you personally I mean everyone)... then it's time to have those mid-life crisis where you wonder what your life is about? Where everything went, about this time your child is a vehicle driving punk or whore... you did your best as a parent, the best you could do within the fabrics of a lifeless ordinary, not much different from Joe Blow across the street, maybe a tad better and they need answers to the same motherfuckning questions that haunt you in the dead of night, turning over in the half death of sleep, only to wake up and realise that your sleeping in your A&F (or whatever clothing line) and it all comes to a head. BAAM, I became just like my parents, save a few points... gotta' job, got some kids, go to church, Okay I'm saved... get to go to a good place when I die, but what about the rest of my time here. Civilization is crumbling, the weak/gutless/consumeristic/faceless many are now in charge, and I helped mold that.

This whether you agree or not is Exactly what happens, and nothing is getting better. Back in the day it was the PEPE Jeans wearing ppl, all trying to fit in. The future lies with the rebels. The ones who will not accept/go along with the accepted standards of living and be the thorn in the ass of the collective majority. But eventually it is the fading light of another era, and when mankind lands on the mother fuckin' planet of Mars or colonizes another star system, what will man do? Mankind will only make a facimile of Earth... In the begining it'll be a nice place to live. A frontier uncultivated by whatever the Confederation/Regime etc. Then in the passing of time the same government styles, pooling of so called "Civilized people" and thus we'd have a star system of Star Bucks Coffee houses, designer clothes, the same hum drum... no REAL reason to evolve, just an excuse to do the same all over again and possibly fuck up the order of things untouched before we'd befoul it's soils.

But as Dennis Miller always says:
That's just my opinion I could be wrong!
 

Domino-chan

, Certified Gamer Chick,
20 Year Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2002
Posts
6,304
For me I just live life by the day. Most of my goals tend to be short-term due to me being very absent-minded.

Best thing for you to do is to go to a quiet place and think what you want out of your life. Don't forget to take some paper and a pen or pencil... not just for jotting thoughts down, but I bet wherever you decide to go to get away would make for some great sketches.

My response to the whole thing about fashion and conformity... I know there's a revolution brewing within me. I don't like the idea of looking like everyone else (it stems from wearing a uniform for most of my life), and my time has come... the sewing machine arrived in the mail...

buttrock
 

zorro

Galford's Poppy Trainer
Joined
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Posts
2,648
Domino-chan:
and my time has come... the sewing machine arrived in the mail...

buttrock
you go to catholic school? that's the only thing I knew that I had to wear a uniform for. I guess that's why I'm so fucked up. but I can't believe that the girl who was on top of me yesterday before class talks to me today as if it never happened. I feel so empty like I'm not really here. also I know she has a boyfriend (or at least says so) but still we talk about everything and this has just disappeared, it was the happiest day of my life crying
 

FeelGood

So Many Posts
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For Games.
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Posts
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Sounds like everyone in this thread needs to get laid.

Seriously, forgetting who you are is a sign of bordom due to a repetitious lifestyle. Take myself for example, I've been bored out of my fucking mind lately and it's because of school. So guess what I'm gonna do? QUIT! I'm gonna fucking quit this shit! My whole life I have been associated with school. Oh FeelGood, such a good student. FeelGood and school. School and FeelGood. FeelGood = School. It never ends. Whenever I'm with family it's always "how's school?" and "what classes are you taking?".

I'm tired of it. I guess you can say I lost my way but I'm gonna do something drastic and drop out, get a second job and move the fuck out on my own for about a year. I'll take a class or two at the community college every semester for good measure but my life will not revolve around it any longer. Not for awhile anyway.

Ever since I made this decision (2 weeks ago?) it was like a huge weight has been lifted and I'm excited about the shit that has yet to come. Now if only I could tell my family... :D

BTW I'm serious about getting laid. Once in the poon all this shit doesn't even matter. You'll be like "what the fuck was I so worried about? This is all I need!" and it's true. So true. :D
 

zorro

Galford's Poppy Trainer
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Posts
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I'm just worried that it'll never come soon enough. the sooner the better. but how do you just fall asleep on top of a guy for half an hour and have it mean nothing the next day. it should by all means lead to something better the next day. oh well collage is coming soon
 
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I wish that were true about the poon FeelGood, but after you've been fuckin' for about 4 or 5 years straight... in all kinds of places, etcetra... EVEN getting laid becomes boring. Oh I'll still do it due to the pleasure, but afterwards what's changed other than I busted a nut? Maybe I should move to Germany and round me up so nasty but good looking whores after I've checked their Western Bloc tests for STDs... then have a freak feast, watch em' gurgle my piss, go bonkers as I break out the camcorders, call up Rocco Siffreddi and make a new Evil Empire flick. But you know what? It be boring afterwards too, not to mention I'd have taken my soul down another notch. Personally I ain't interested in any job TITLE, I just want a sense of satisfaction in my life, and nothing ever impresses me for more than an hour or two, thus I'm never satisified.

Thus I will storm ride yet again, looking for a place to be in a world that is destroying itself everywhere I look. Sure buildings and technology rise, but the spirit of man is but a fading light. At least Pandora left HOPE in the box, thus I continue looking for hope!
 

FeelGood

So Many Posts
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I can't see how getting a chick to sleep with you could ever become boring.

BTW Zorro, what the hell happened? How could a chick fall asleep on top of you in a classroom? Unless she fell asleep then you snuck underneath her then when she woke up she was like WTF???!??!!? as you made a hair doll from strands of her hair. Then I might see why she wouldn't bring it up the next day.
 

zorro

Galford's Poppy Trainer
Joined
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Posts
2,648
there's a leather couch in our classroom. I'm tall so I quickly jumped on it and took up the whole thing. she asked if she could lay on top of me, I said yeah and then she tried sleeping on top of me for like 1/2 an hour. while I was below people kept walking in and out and giving me the strangest looks, but it was just comfy and very warm. then the teacher busted in like that's disgusting get off the couch!

edit: also she was completely aware while it happened. and just pretty tired but I could tell it was like 75% acting. don't you hate when people always try to act like they're tired?

<small>[ April 02, 2003, 12:18 AM: Message edited by: zorro ]</small>
 

FeelGood

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I would have been like "BITCH PLEASE! You're disgusting now teach the fucking class!"

Then I would have lit a cigarette.

And that chick that slept on top of you sounds like a cock tease. I fucking hate them. More than I hate bitches who think they are too good for you. Even more than I hate the sluts that won't fuck you unless you are the owner of the club or some fucking DJ or some shit.

Damn cock teasers suck and that's exactly what they do, pretend like nothing happened even though they know you are wondering what the fuck that was all about. I can only offer some solid advice: be very mean to her. Never bring up the sleeping thing again cuz it doesn't matter. Don't go out of your way to be mean to her just be mean to her whenever she interacts with you. Like she doesn't even fucking matter. Like she's nobody. And do shit with other girls and make sure she sees it so she knows what she did (sleeping on top of you) is amateurish child's play.

Then call her a crazy ho on graduation day.
 
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