25 Laws of Japanese Animation by Steven "Bull" Ratkovich.
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity: The normal laws of physics do not
apply.
#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation: Whenever someone or something jumps,
is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor
of 4.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Accoustics: In space,
loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get
in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion: In space, constant
thrust equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion: The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest
objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability: Time is not a constant. Time stops for the
hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when
friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality: 'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in
one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a
long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings
of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality: It takes some time for bad guys to
die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so
quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they
are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the
Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis: Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright
color (usually red or white).
#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity: Scenes that only happen once, for
instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3
times from 3 different angles.
#11 - Law of Inherent Combustability: Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary: Anything that explodes bulges first.
#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission: Nearly all things emit light from fatal
wounds.
#13 - Law of Energetic Emission: There is alway an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire.
Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is
related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.
#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude: The destructive potential of a weapon
is inversely proportional to its size.
#15 - Law of Inexhaustability: No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is
of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and
unconscious.
#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy: The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating
any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The
accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the
difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a
moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing
on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always
miss.
First Corollary: The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary: Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable
odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all
out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary: Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it
is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or
arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than
driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or
doing complex martial arts maneuvres.
#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability: Minmei is a bimbo. (* Note:
The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this
stuff need to get out more. *)
#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity: The human body contains over 12 gallons of
blood. Sometimes more.
#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency: Demons and other supernatural creatures
have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown,
but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.
#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability: Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire
armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty
warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignifigant example of a
caring/loving emotion or a song.
#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability: Tactical geniuses aren't....
#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability: People never notice the little
things.... Like a missing body part, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality: Children are smarter than adults. And
almost always twice as annoying.
#24 - Law of Antagonistic Americanthropomorphism: The really nasty 'Bad Guys'
are always skinny Americans.
#25 - Law of Americanthropomorphistic Intellectual Inferiority: The stupid
'Good Guys' are always big Americans.
First Corollary: The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green
Line Effect)
Second Corollary: The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity: The normal laws of physics do not
apply.
#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation: Whenever someone or something jumps,
is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor
of 4.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Accoustics: In space,
loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get
in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion: In space, constant
thrust equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion: The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest
objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability: Time is not a constant. Time stops for the
hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when
friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality: 'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in
one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a
long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings
of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality: It takes some time for bad guys to
die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so
quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they
are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the
Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis: Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright
color (usually red or white).
#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity: Scenes that only happen once, for
instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3
times from 3 different angles.
#11 - Law of Inherent Combustability: Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary: Anything that explodes bulges first.
#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission: Nearly all things emit light from fatal
wounds.
#13 - Law of Energetic Emission: There is alway an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire.
Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is
related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.
#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude: The destructive potential of a weapon
is inversely proportional to its size.
#15 - Law of Inexhaustability: No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is
of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and
unconscious.
#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy: The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating
any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The
accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the
difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a
moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing
on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always
miss.
First Corollary: The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary: Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable
odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all
out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary: Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it
is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or
arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than
driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or
doing complex martial arts maneuvres.
#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability: Minmei is a bimbo. (* Note:
The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this
stuff need to get out more. *)
#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity: The human body contains over 12 gallons of
blood. Sometimes more.
#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency: Demons and other supernatural creatures
have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown,
but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.
#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability: Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire
armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty
warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignifigant example of a
caring/loving emotion or a song.
#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability: Tactical geniuses aren't....
#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability: People never notice the little
things.... Like a missing body part, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality: Children are smarter than adults. And
almost always twice as annoying.
#24 - Law of Antagonistic Americanthropomorphism: The really nasty 'Bad Guys'
are always skinny Americans.
#25 - Law of Americanthropomorphistic Intellectual Inferiority: The stupid
'Good Guys' are always big Americans.
First Corollary: The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green
Line Effect)
Second Corollary: The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
