It's time for jokes again!

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Mercedes

Hardened Shock Trooper
Joined
May 6, 2001
Posts
432
You Might Be A Redneck If.....

1. The only diploma on your wall is from DUI school.

2. Your knife is sharper than you are.

3. The only words you say in court are "I dunno".

4. The tallest building you've ever seen was a water tower.

5. The biggest town you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

6. You use pop-top chains on your Christmas tree.

7. All your favorite music came from the checkout counter at a truck stop.

8. You empty your pockets and there's just a pile of change, bullets, and lint.

<img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" />
 
M

Mercedes

Hardened Shock Trooper
Joined
May 6, 2001
Posts
432
After years of financial hardship, a married couple decides the only way they can pay the bills is the wife works the streets as a prostitute. So she pulls out her skankiest dress, puts on some high heels, smears on a bit of makeup and walks out the door.

The next morning, she comes home looking dirty and worn. Noticing her rough appearance, the husband asks how the night went. "Not bad," the wife admits. "I made $400.20."

"That's great!" the husband says. "But who gave you the dimes?"

"Everybody," the wife replies.

<img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" />
 
evil wasabi

evil wasabi

The Jongmaster
25 Year Member
Joined
Aug 20, 2000
Posts
60,434
Here are some MGS2 Jokes (spolier warning)
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Q:Why hasn't raiden been in any non VR Missions?
A: They diddn't think he had the balls to do it

Q: what did Raiden Want for Christmas?
A: His own Solid Snake

Q: What is Rosemary's biggest problem with Raiden?
A: He's Jacking off to much

[ December 28, 2002: Message edited by: bemanisuperstar ]</p>
 
R

RAINBOW PONY

DASH DARK ANDY K,
20 Year Member
Joined
Apr 15, 2002
Posts
24,310
*silence*

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Drunk Heckler : "Get off the stage, you suck!*
 
Kid Aphex

Kid Aphex

samus' love slave,
Joined
Nov 23, 2001
Posts
9,851
What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

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"make me one with everything."
 
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WOLFGANG KRAUSER

Guest
Bravo! <img src="graemlins/tickled.gif" border="0" alt="[Tickled]" />
 
Domino-chan

Domino-chan

, Certified Gamer Chick,
20 Year Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2002
Posts
6,304
Here's some straight from Maxim... forgive any misquotings:

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, “Hey, man, it’s getting pretty hot in here.”

“Holy shit!” the other muffin replies. “A talking muffin!”

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45AM, there’s a knock at the personnel manager’s door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she’s incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, “I’m sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.”
 
R

RAINBOW PONY

DASH DARK ANDY K,
20 Year Member
Joined
Apr 15, 2002
Posts
24,310
First one is lame, the other is mildly humorous.

Check my Message Icon for rating....
 
M

Mercedes

Hardened Shock Trooper
Joined
May 6, 2001
Posts
432
WHY WORRY

There are only two things to worry about.
Either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well there is nothing to worry about
But if you are sick,
There are only two things to worry about.
Either you are well or you die.
If you get well there is nothing to worry about,
But if you die there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or hell.
If you go to heaven there is nothing to worry about,
But if you go to hell, you will be so busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.


<img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" />
 
M

Mercedes

Hardened Shock Trooper
Joined
May 6, 2001
Posts
432
Abe, an old penny pincher, is dying. On his deathbed, he looks up and asks, "Is my wife here?"

"Yes dear," she replies. "I'm right next to you."

"Are my children here?" Abe then asks.

"Yes, Daddy, we're all here," one of his kids answers.

"Are the rest of my relatives here?" Abe inquires.

"Yes, we're all here," one says.

Abe sits up and yells, "Then why the hell is the light on in the kitchen?"


<img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" /> <img src="graemlins/glee.gif" border="0" alt="[Glee]" />
 
R

RAINBOW PONY

DASH DARK ANDY K,
20 Year Member
Joined
Apr 15, 2002
Posts
24,310
<img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[LOL]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[LOL]" /> <img src="graemlins/lol.gif" border="0" alt="[LOL]" /> <img src="graemlins/tickled.gif" border="0" alt="[Tickled]" /> <img src="graemlins/tickled.gif" border="0" alt="[Tickled]" /> <img src="graemlins/tickled.gif" border="0" alt="[Tickled]" /> <img src="graemlins/mrt2.gif" border="0" alt="[Mr T]" /> <img src="graemlins/mrt2.gif" border="0" alt="[Mr T]" />

Learn from Mercedes people, she is TEH FUNNAY!
 
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