MY JOKES THREAD
- Thread starter THEMAN
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The city slicker was fishing with a fancy new rod and all the latest lures, but he hadn't had a nibble by lunchtime. Adding to his irritation was the fact that a farm boy in a rowboat not far away had pulled in a number of good sized bass. They quit about the same time, and the man couldn't help going over to him. "You caught all those fishwith that old stick-- and a bent pin for a hook?' he croaked disbelievingly. 'What's your secret?" The boy shrugged and hitched up his overalls. "I guess I just keep myself out of sight".
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The businesswoman ordered a fancy floral arrangement for the grand opening of her new outlet, and she was furious when it arrived adorned with a ribbon which read "May You Rest in Peace" Apologizing profusely, the florist finally got her to calm down with the reminder that in some funeral hime stood an arrangement bearing the words "Good luck in you new location".
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There's a funeral procession with two hearses, and behind the 2 hearses is a guy with a vicious dog and behind him about a hundred guys. As they're all passing through town a guy steps off the curb and asks the guy with the dog what's going on.
"My dog kelled my wife and my mother in law" was the answer
"Can I borrow the dog?" the guy asks.
"Get in line"
"My dog kelled my wife and my mother in law" was the answer
"Can I borrow the dog?" the guy asks.
"Get in line"
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Jesus, Moses, and an old man were teeing off on the 16th hole on heaven's golf course. This hole is a par 3 over a lake.
Moses, the first to tee off, steps up and swings, and the ball drives right for the water. He instantly spreads his arms, the water parts, and the ball rolls across the bottom of the lake and up on to the green. The others compliment him on his shot and then Jesus steps up for his turn.
The same thing happens to Jesus as the ball heads for the water but it just rolls across the surface of the lake and to the green. He was showered with compliments and then it was the old man's turn.
The old man's ball also dives for the lake, but bounces off the back of a turtle and onto the far shore. There, a squirrel picks up the ball and heads for the woods. As the others begin to laugh, a hawk swoops down and picks up the squirrel. As the hawk flies over the green, it squeezes the squirrel. The ball falls ou t of the squirrel's mouth, bounces once on the green, and then rolls into the cup. Jesus turns to the old man and says "Nice shot, Dad"
Moses, the first to tee off, steps up and swings, and the ball drives right for the water. He instantly spreads his arms, the water parts, and the ball rolls across the bottom of the lake and up on to the green. The others compliment him on his shot and then Jesus steps up for his turn.
The same thing happens to Jesus as the ball heads for the water but it just rolls across the surface of the lake and to the green. He was showered with compliments and then it was the old man's turn.
The old man's ball also dives for the lake, but bounces off the back of a turtle and onto the far shore. There, a squirrel picks up the ball and heads for the woods. As the others begin to laugh, a hawk swoops down and picks up the squirrel. As the hawk flies over the green, it squeezes the squirrel. The ball falls ou t of the squirrel's mouth, bounces once on the green, and then rolls into the cup. Jesus turns to the old man and says "Nice shot, Dad"
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A priest is sent to Alaska. After a few years the bishop goes to visit him " How are you doing up here"? the bishop asks.
"It's really cold" answers the priest "If it weren't for my rosary and my 2 martinis every evening I wouldn't make it. BTW, would you like a martini?" "Sure" says the bishop
The pries says "Rosary bring the bishop a martini."
"It's really cold" answers the priest "If it weren't for my rosary and my 2 martinis every evening I wouldn't make it. BTW, would you like a martini?" "Sure" says the bishop
The pries says "Rosary bring the bishop a martini."
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One night little Johnny walked in on his parents while they were screwing "Daddy" he cried "what are you and mommy doing?" "Uh... wer'e making a little sister for you to play with," stammered his father. "Oh neat" said Johhny and went back to bed. The next day his dad came home to find the little boy sobbing his eyes out on the front porch. "What's wrong, Johnny"? he asked picking him up.
Johnny said, "You know the little sister you and Mommy made me"? "Yes" said his father, blushingly. The little boy boy wailed, "Today the milkman ate her"
Johnny said, "You know the little sister you and Mommy made me"? "Yes" said his father, blushingly. The little boy boy wailed, "Today the milkman ate her"
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A little boy walks into his mother and father when they're having sex. His mother is on top of his father and she's bobbing up and down. The little boy asks her what she's doing and his mother answers that she's trying to flatten daddy's stomach because he's getting so fat. The kid says "I don't know why you bother because the minute you leave the maid comes in and blows it back up again
YOU GOTTA ADMIT THIS WAS FUNNY <IMG SRC="smilies/glee.gif" border="0">
YOU GOTTA ADMIT THIS WAS FUNNY <IMG SRC="smilies/glee.gif" border="0">
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An American, a Russian, an Iraqi, and an Israeli were walking down the street when a man came up to them and said "Excuse me. I'm with the Gallup Organization and wer'e conducting a public opinion poll about the meat shortage."
The Russian said "What's meat?"
The American said"What's a shortage"?
The Iraqi said "What's public opinion?"
The Israeli said, "What's excuse me"?
The Russian said "What's meat?"
The American said"What's a shortage"?
The Iraqi said "What's public opinion?"
The Israeli said, "What's excuse me"?
Daisuke Jigen
R.I.P.,, Dear Friend,
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Those were really good!
This is remarkable! Theman spat all fifteen jokes out in a meager fourty-six minutes.
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