I think my dad just caught me wanking. [Archive]

Chuplayer

11-01-2003, 03:32 PM

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Chuplayer's dad caught him whackin it. Normally that's not enough to get in the Best Of section, but the effect of this thread on the social structure of ng.c was significant enough to warrant induction.]

He left the house to get some gas for his lawnmower, and my mom was sleeping, so I thought I had at least 15 minutes to myself for wanking. I sat in front of my Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar, and I started to beat the meat. I was working up to a nice and hard erection for the maximum orgasm. However, my dad must have went to a closer gas station, and he came back early. At least 8 minutes early. However, that's not the problem. I could hear him if he came back in the same door he went out. Unfortunately, he came in the back door. I didn't hear him, and I think I was wanking for at least 6 seconds before I saw him. I was kind of hard, too. I promptly pulled up my underwear and zipped up my fly. (Good thing I didn't do it in the reverse order :eek_2: ) He asked me what I was doing, and I told him I wasn't doing anything. He then just said that he was going to mow the lawn and left. I turned back to the computer and lost my erection in a record .4 seconds.

People should learn to enter through the same door they went out.

At least we've got a 100% heterosexual topic here now :D

BlackSpy

11-01-2003, 03:35 PM

Do you and Zorro want to go and start your own club or something cause I for one have had enough of these topics.

abdul

11-01-2003, 03:35 PM

you didnt think of locking your door?

Chuplayer

11-01-2003, 03:39 PM

Originally posted by abdul
you didnt think of locking your door?

I thought the door my dad came in was locked. It wouldn't matter if the door I thought my dad would come in was locked or not because I'd hear him unlocking it, and that would give me enough time to get everything back to normal.

corbo 2

11-01-2003, 04:09 PM

And your telling us this because.........:spock:

It's a dirty habit lol 'drop it'

bokmeow

11-01-2003, 04:11 PM

Originally posted by corbo 2
And your telling us this because.........:spock:

It's a dirty habit lol 'drop it'

It lowers risk of prostate cancer, don't knock it till you've tried it.

Johnny T-Bird

11-01-2003, 04:12 PM

Just live with it. Also watch the first 2 American Pie movies. Believe me, it will make you feel a lot better.:)

BeefJerky

11-01-2003, 04:16 PM

Heh, it's zorro's east-coast cousin. Hahahaha.

Shinji

11-01-2003, 04:19 PM

At least you didn't cum all over yourself.

Anyway, it's no big deal, your dad knows that all guys do it, so it's okay. It's worse if your mom catches you, though.

Ghost-Dog, presented by Tervis®

11-01-2003, 05:16 PM

Try a secure room next time, like the bathroom. :lol:

chris1

11-01-2003, 06:17 PM

:tickled: That story is kind of funny though :tickled:

Lee Gray

11-01-2003, 06:52 PM

LOL

The joys of living alone, so you cant get caught :)

Kim _Kaphwan

11-01-2003, 07:01 PM

well since it seems that everyone and their grandma is gonna reply to this one, i will too. i got caught once by my sister, it was awkward indeed, i just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. and she stood there then ran off, and i went back to whacking it. it's pretty funny now that i think about it.

SPINMASTER X

11-01-2003, 07:05 PM

i haven't wanked it since i left for the air force. Thats 6 months worth of not beating it. I've got alot of catching up to do now that i just got home :buttrock:

the binary c0de

11-01-2003, 07:12 PM

You want to hear a lame wack story? girls.

Chuplayer

11-01-2003, 10:51 PM

Hey, I don't think my dad actually saw me wanking. I moved the chair to where it was before, and I stood where my dad was standing. It looks like the couch was blocking him from seeing what I was doing! So now all he might think I was doing was looking at the calendar all weird.

MarcoRossi

11-03-2003, 05:40 PM

Originally posted by Chuplayer
He left the house to get some gas for his lawnmower, and my mom was sleeping, so I thought I had at least 15 minutes to myself for wanking. I sat in front of my Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar, and I started to beat the meat. I was working up to a nice and hard erection for the maximum orgasm. However, my dad must have went to a closer gas station, and he came back early. At least 8 minutes early. However, that's not the problem. I could hear him if he came back in the same door he went out. Unfortunately, he came in the back door. I didn't hear him, and I think I was wanking for at least 6 seconds before I saw him. I was kind of hard, too. I promptly pulled up my underwear and zipped up my fly. (Good thing I didn't do it in the reverse order :eek_2: ) He asked me what I was doing, and I told him I wasn't doing anything. He then just said that he was going to mow the lawn and left. I turned back to the computer and lost my erection in a record .4 seconds.

People should learn to enter through the same door they went out.

At least we've got a 100% heterosexual topic here now :D

I would just say:

http://www.illbleed.privat.t-online.de/gotcha.jpg

:lol:

striderpunk

11-03-2003, 05:50 PM

you in ten years

http://www.shoryuken.com/forums/attachment.php?s=&postid=717108

the binary c0de

11-03-2003, 06:00 PM

.

redsnapa

11-03-2003, 07:50 PM

ive actually walked in on my brother...and i walked right out. but chuplayer dont feel bad because i think its a lot more traumatic for the person that witnesses it.:(

hehe when i was back in highschool, there was this retard that was in one of those special ed programs, who was jerking off in the lunch room. when some girl saw him and screamed he just sat there and started crying, he didnt even bother to pack up or seek cover.

zorro

11-04-2003, 01:16 PM

Originally posted by Matt Semmel
Heh, it's zorro's east-coast cousin. Hahahaha.

No, it's not entirely like me. Because when I wack it (I haven't lately) I usually make sure the coast is truly clear. I don't wack unless I truly have an hour or more that is surely clear.

Also I've never been caught doing the deed either. :p

Decepticon

11-04-2003, 01:29 PM

Originally posted by SPINMASTER X
i haven't wanked it since i left for the air force. Thats 6 months worth of not beating it. I've got alot of catching up to do now that i just got home :buttrock:

Why not just go to D'Iberville and pick up some of the skanks that live here.

Xander Crews

11-04-2003, 01:40 PM

I've never been caught.
Fast and prudent like a ninja. :cool:

Talen

11-04-2003, 01:50 PM

Originally posted by the binary c0de

.

Postcount +0

Below The Radar

11-04-2003, 07:23 PM

Originally posted by striderpunk
you in ten years

http://www.shoryuken.com/forums/attachment.php?s=&postid=717108

Hey! I posted that picture on my OWN3D TV thread! When I wank, I only wait til I'm off work to do it and when my dad's asleep. But when I was going to school, I used to do it after school everyday. Eventually for that time of day, I got caught.

PWN3D.

Luckily my mom didn't get all wild and mad, but she just sat me down and gave me a 1 hour lecture.

One time I did accidently walk in on my friend stroking himself. I heard him getting of at a blank audio tape with the repeating sounds of Lara Croft getting hit by enemies in Tomb Raider 3. I have to admit that shit does sound pretty arousing.

I <3 TeH M457URB471ON THR34Dzzzzz!!! :buttrock: :lol:

Dizzy11523

11-07-2003, 01:14 PM

UP and LMAO

xolik

11-07-2003, 07:48 PM

Hey, it could be worse. You could have caught your dad wanking instead. :eek_2:

Soilwork

11-08-2003, 03:06 AM

Originally posted by xolik
Hey, it could be worse. You could have caught your dad wanking instead. :eek_2:

It wouldn't matter. In his house dudes masturbate in front of other dudes all the time.

Idiot: What you doin', dad?

Dad: I'm peelin' some chilis, son

Idiot: I'm about to go to the bathroom, you want me to bring you back some Kleenex?

Dad: Nah, I'll just use your tube sock.

the binary c0de

11-08-2003, 03:08 AM

Originally posted by SonGohan

Dad: I'm peelin' some chilis, son

laugh out loud

Chuplayer

11-08-2003, 01:58 PM

Originally posted by SonGohan
It wouldn't matter. In his house dudes masturbate in front of other dudes all the time.

I said it before and I'll say it again.

FUCK YOU.

Average Joe

11-08-2003, 02:13 PM

Originally posted by Chuplayer
I said it before and I'll say it again.

FUCK YOU.

Avoiding instead of confronting?

Someone’s in denial...

Shinji

11-08-2003, 03:39 PM

SonGohan, I bow before you.

Chuplayer

11-08-2003, 07:18 PM

This is SonGohan's avatar as of this moment.

http://members.lycos.co.uk/chuplayer/songohan.jpg

:lol: Does that look gay or what?

PleaseKillMeNow

11-08-2003, 07:26 PM

Originally posted by Chuplayer
This is SonGohan's avatar as of this moment.

http://members.lycos.co.uk/chuplayer/songohan.jpg

:lol: Does that look gay or what?

Not as gay as posting a thread about wanking in front of your dad.

Seriously, grow up. That was a poor attempt at a flame. Finish your juice box and call it a night.

Chuplayer

11-08-2003, 07:34 PM

Originally posted by Tom Wopat
Not as gay as posting a thread about wanking in front of your dad.

NEWS FLASH!!!

Getting caught masturbating does not make you gay! It just makes you really really embarrassed!

Seriously, grow up. That was a poor attempt at a flame. Finish your juice box and call it a night.

You calling my flame lame? It wasn't half as lame as SonGohan is.

Anyway, SonGohan and his avatar are incredibly gay. I'm sure SonGohan tries to get the image of his avatar on the screen to give him oral.

Solidus Snake

11-08-2003, 09:10 PM

Seriously I don't understand how attacking his avatar would help.

Besides, Jo's a P.I.M.P!

Shinji

11-08-2003, 09:15 PM

Originally posted by Tom Wopat
Finish your juice box and call it a night.

Hmm, juice...

:drool:

SNKJorge

11-08-2003, 09:21 PM

You even know who that is?

Originally posted by Chuplayer
This is SonGohan's avatar as of this moment.

http://members.lycos.co.uk/chuplayer/songohan.jpg

:lol: Does that look gay or what?

Soilwork

11-08-2003, 09:54 PM

Originally posted by xtoo_short20x
You even know who that is?

Probably not. This jackoff probably doesn't even know who his avatar is. Watch, he'll probably respond (after hours of looking up every Neo game (oooh I just gave him a hint)), then come back and try to play it off like he knew the whole time and we're dumb for assuming he didn't know. Too late though, he already made himself look fucking stupid with that post anyway (not to mention his other posts in this thread and all over the board in general).

What's next? Fucking your sister isn't incest because you have different dads? You're a stupid faggot (yes, FAGGOT). Who the fuck else masturbates in front of other men (let alone their dad) and plays it off as not being gay.

Chuplayer

11-09-2003, 12:13 AM

Originally posted by SonGohan
Probably not.

I don't have to know who the character is in your avatar to say he's gay. Too bad it's not Benimaru. I'd have a field day making fun of you if that faggot was in your avatar.

This jackoff probably doesn't even know who his avatar is.

It's Terry Bogard, you fucking idiot. Terry Bogard is the man. I've been using this avatar for nearly two years, and I've known it's Terry since the very beginning. I'll get a mutant dog to bite your dick off and spit it down your throat so it'll be like you're deepthroating yourself.

What's next? Fucking your sister isn't incest because you have different dads?

I don't have a sister you fucking idiot.

You're a stupid faggot (yes, FAGGOT).

You're the stupid faggot because you've got a stupid faggot in your avatar.

Who the fuck else masturbates in front of other men (let alone their dad) and plays it off as not being gay.

So are you saying that if your dad accidentally caught you masturbating you would be gay, too?

Didn't think so, bitch.

Soilwork

11-09-2003, 06:15 AM

Man, this is almost depressing how stupid you are, but alas, I'm always up for a flame war, even if it is with cock-goblins such as yourself..

Originally posted by Chuplayer
I don't have to know who the character is in your avatar to say he's gay. Too bad it's not Benimaru. I'd have a field day making fun of you if that faggot was in your avatar.

Maybe if he whipped it out in front of several strange men and started savagely beating it, he wouldn't be considered gay. Seriously, talking about a character you obviously don't know shit about is almost as retarded as making a thread in a video game message board about your masturbation encounters with your pops. I bet he'd be real proud of you.

Originally posted by Chuplayer
It's Terry Bogard, you fucking idiot. Terry Bogard is the man. I've been using this avatar for nearly two years, and I've known it's Terry since the very beginning. I'll get a mutant dog to bite your dick off and spit it down your throat so it'll be like you're deepthroating yourself.

I've sat here for a couple minutes reading that last line, and have come to the conclusion that it's just too lame for me to reply to. That's saying something too, considering I've seen some real pathetic flame fights in the past. By the way, I'm glad you, along with 8,000 other members know who Terry Bogard is. You must be feeling pretty special today. Gold star for yuo.

Originally posted by Chuplayer
I don't have a sister you fucking idiot.

It's best your parents stopped procreating when they did.

Originally posted by Chuplayer
You're the stupid faggot because you've got a stupid faggot in your avatar.

Your logic astounds me. You must've been accepted to Burger King University rather quickly. Say it with me, "you want fries with that, sir?"

Originally posted by Chuplayer
So are you saying that if your dad accidentally caught you masturbating you would be gay, too?

I don't masturbate around other men, unlike you, who then turns around and tries to deny he's a fucking cakeboy.

Originally posted by Chuplayer
Didn't think so, bitch.

Many people would agree, after reading your posts.

kernow

11-09-2003, 06:24 AM

Gohan 1 - Chu 0

although, this multi-quoting just makes you look like you have no lives.

Soilwork

11-09-2003, 06:26 AM

The only reason I did that is because I have to kill some time before my family wakes up. I was aware of the lameness in multi-quoting though :(

tsukaesugi

11-09-2003, 07:46 AM

Originally posted by kernow
Gohan 1 - Chu 0

although, this multi-quoting just makes you look like you have no lives.

This has to be the most amusing flamewar I've read in ages.

I'm going to award SonGohan an extra point just because of the difficulty involved in stooping to Chuplayer's level.

Gohan 2 - Chu 0

Chuplayer

11-09-2003, 02:51 PM

I've sat here for a couple minutes reading that last line, and have come to the conclusion that it's just too lame for me to reply to. That's saying something too, considering I've seen some real pathetic flame fights in the past. By the way, I'm glad you, along with 8,000 other members know who Terry Bogard is. You must be feeling pretty special today. Gold star for yuo.

1. You're lame because you ignored a perfect opportunity to get back at me for talking about how dogs will bite your dick off and, more importantly, how you would deepthroat yourself. Chuplayer +1.
2. You spelled "you" wrong. It's not "yuo" you dumbass. SonGohan -1

Chu:1, SonGohan:1

Your logic astounds me. You must've been accepted to Burger King University rather quickly. Say it with me, "you want fries with that, sir?"

Say it with me, "SonGohan is a fucking idiot." Chuplayer +1.

Chu:2, SonGohan:1

I don't masturbate around other men, unlike you, who then turns around and tries to deny he's a fucking cakeboy.

Which part of the word accident did you not understand? SonGohan -1 for not reading my first reply and making a totall ass out of himself.

Chu:2, SonGohan:0

SonGohan should subtract another 1 if he said, "SonGohan is a fucking idiot." Aw, hell, he probably said it anyway. SonGohan -1.

Chu:2, SonGohan:-1

I'm kicking your ass now, boy!

Soilwork

11-09-2003, 03:00 PM

Zzzzzz...

Shinji

11-09-2003, 03:07 PM

Wow.

The point game.

How about this. Shinji +++++++++ while you fags are -------------

iamawnidasdawdasdawadsadwadadwasdasd

Kim _Kaphwan

11-09-2003, 03:34 PM

Originally posted by Chuplayer

It's Terry Bogard, you fucking idiot. Terry Bogard is the man. I've been using this avatar for nearly two years, and I've known it's Terry since the very beginning. I'll get a mutant dog to bite your dick off and spit it down your throat so it'll be like you're deepthroating yourself.

i can suck my own penis. if you want pics ask mistress dragon i sent her one; though i think she might have deleted it.

tsukaesugi

11-09-2003, 05:49 PM

Originally posted by Chuplayer
1. You're lame because you ignored a perfect opportunity to get back at me for talking about how dogs will bite your dick off and, more importantly, how you would deepthroat yourself. Chuplayer +1.
2. You spelled "you" wrong. It's not "yuo" you dumbass. SonGohan -1

Chu:1, SonGohan:1

Say it with me, "SonGohan is a fucking idiot." Chuplayer +1.

Chu:2, SonGohan:1

Which part of the word accident did you not understand? SonGohan -1 for not reading my first reply and making a totall ass out of himself.

Chu:2, SonGohan:0

SonGohan should subtract another 1 if he said, "SonGohan is a fucking idiot." Aw, hell, he probably said it anyway. SonGohan -1.

Chu:2, SonGohan:-1

I'm kicking your ass now, boy!

No, no, no.

People involved in a flame war are not allowed to arbitrarily award points to themselves.

The original score still stands, plus an additional point for SonGohan for his latest comeback.

Gohan 3 - Chu 0

Chuplayer

11-09-2003, 06:56 PM

Originally posted by tsukaesugi
No, no, no.

People involved in a flame war are not allowed to arbitrarily award points to themselves.

The original score still stands, plus an additional point for SonGohan for his latest comeback.

Gohan 3 - Chu 0

FUCK YOU!!!

This is my thread and you're playing by my rules! I will award myself 7430970981757115372876943 more points!

Chuplayer:7430970981757115372876946, SonGohan:-1

tsukaesugi

11-09-2003, 09:48 PM

Originally posted by Chuplayer
This is my thread and you're playing by my rules! I will award myself 7430970981757115372876943 more points!

Chuplayer:7430970981757115372876946, SonGohan:-1

Sorry kid, it doesn't work that way.

I'll tell you what I'll do though, I'll go over your last post and see if there's anything worth giving you any points for...

Originally posted by Chuplayer
1. You're lame because you ignored a perfect opportunity to get back at me for talking about how dogs will bite your dick off and, more importantly, how you would deepthroat yourself.

You're right. SonGohan, you did indeed miss a golden opportunity to flame Chuplayer for 'talking about how dogs will bite your dick off and, more importantly, how you would deepthroat yourself'.

Advantage to Chuplayer, 1 point.

Originally posted by Chuplayer
2. You spelled "you" wrong. It's not "yuo" you dumbass. SonGohan -1

3. Which part of the word accident did you not understand? SonGohan -1 for not reading my first reply and making a totall ass out of himself.

Whoopsie. Big no-no here Chuplayer. You made fun of SonGohan's spelling, and then go on to make a spelling mistake yourself. Who's the dumbass now, hmm?

Minus one point. You're back to zero where you started.

SonGohan, I'm going to let you off with a warning this time...

'You' is not spelled 'yuo', 'winner' is not spelled 'winnar', and 'roms' is not spelled 'teh r0mmz'.

The score right now is still 3-0, but I'm going to award SonGohan one more point for not beating off in front of his dad.

Final score:

Gohan 4 - Chuplayer 0

TheBigBB

12-28-2003, 06:19 PM

bump

Kim _Kaphwan

12-28-2003, 06:37 PM

so chuplayer, stuck anymore junk in your trunk, or your dad's for that matter?

Soilwork

12-29-2003, 06:24 PM

Damn that's some hardcore ownage going on there.

Chuplayer

12-29-2003, 07:25 PM

Go to hell.

Priest

12-29-2003, 07:45 PM

ive been walked in on quite a few times.....not a good feeling......yea

Chuplayer

12-29-2003, 08:04 PM

Originally posted by Priest
ive been walked in on quite a few times.....not a good feeling......yea

I like you. You can come over and fuck my sister.

Soilwork

12-29-2003, 08:06 PM

Originally posted by Chuplayer
I like you. You can come over and fuck my sister.

Jesus Christ, can you watch another movie please?

Kim _Kaphwan

12-29-2003, 08:08 PM

Originally posted by SonGohan
Jesus Christ, can you watch another movie please?
let's make him watch the princess bride.

Baseley09

12-29-2003, 08:12 PM

Originally posted by Kim _Kaphwan
let's make him watch the princess bride.

That's actually one of my favourite movies thank you very much:crying:

I have no shame.:help:

Chuplayer

12-29-2003, 08:19 PM

Originally posted by Baseley09
That's actually one of my favourite movies thank you very much:crying:

I have no shame.:help:

http://www.student.smsu.edu/s/san232s/hardfunnypics/gheymathematicallyproven.jpg

TheBigBB

12-29-2003, 10:07 PM

Ugh... Your fucking pics haven't made me laugh even once... SonGohan, could you do the honors of the WTF dog or something? I need something funny...

Eric

12-29-2003, 10:27 PM

Originally posted by Baseley09
That's actually one of my favourite movies thank you very much:crying:

I have no shame.:help:

It's good if you're looking for a parody of swashbucklers, I agree

RAINBOW PONY

01-25-2004, 03:44 AM

i heart NJ

Dizzy11523

06-16-2005, 04:02 PM

LMAO at this thread.

Hecker

06-16-2005, 08:02 PM

I actually caught 2 fags giving eachother a handjob in the YMCA showers. When they saw me coming in, one of them jolted and they quickly let go of eachothers ding dongs. I feel violated. :(

RAINBOW PONY

06-16-2005, 08:08 PM

I actually caught 2 fags giving eachother a handjob in the YMCA showers. When they saw me coming in, one of them jolted and they quickly let go of eachothers ding dongs. I feel violated. :(

i had no idea scanline and jedah doma went to the ymca....

Jedah Doma

06-17-2005, 12:55 AM

i had no idea scanline and jedah doma went to the ymca....

Says the sanwhich artist who plays with his own bologna.

Magnaflux

06-17-2005, 09:11 AM

This thread isn't nearly as funny as I remember it.

Orpheus

06-17-2005, 10:07 AM

It lowers risk of prostate cancer, don't knock it till you've tried it.

What?, Cancer?:spock: