6/25/05 - new poem added.

BryLmoo

BryLmoo

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7/19/05 - new poem added.

forced by god into exile
screwed by my own negative thoughts
living alone, nobody to trust
not one parent to ask for help with life
i'm truly alone

trying to get out from under the filth,
that which i've buried myself in

crying on the inside
the tears begin to show
i wear them on my sleeve
so that everyone will know

this world begs me to get ahead
while my mind tells me, "go back to bed"
under the sheets of darkness i pray
"let tomorrow be a better day"
 
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BryLmoo

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my pale skin just begs for the sun to hit
the blinds filter the sun light in just a bit

one bulb lights it only half way
and dust covers everything

maybe i can clean it with my tears
my room holds nothing but fear
 
BryLmoo

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do you know what it feels like to lose someone?
do you think that you could handle it?

your wrong.

lets think about death
every day it invades my mind
this disease that i've got
god gave me mine

my beautiful disease

death is a god given right
so i say fuck this life
your only here for a short period of time anyway
give it your all, and then lose it all...
why the fuck should you even bother?
 
BryLmoo

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alone, at a loss for words
i feel the cool breeze flow across my face
the air touches my eyes...i blink
all within a second, i think...

when did this all begin?
how long has it really been?
why did it happen so fast?
is god to blame for the life i've had?

the breeze slows down
i fall flat on my face
my throat closes up...
my sight blurry, and faint

was my life worth it?

working finally paid off.
 
BryLmoo

BryLmoo

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you know, feedback is awesome....thanks! ;)
 
BryLmoo

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i don't condense my writing for anyone

haiku is haiku.

i'm not using a formula
 
Hecker

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Well if it's an honest interpretation of your emotional changes than perhaps there is some hope. Otherwise, it's quite cute( emo?). :kekeke:
 
BryLmoo

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you meen like, emo music?


i can't stand whiny emo bands.
 
Hecker

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OK so it's not Goethe but nice try. Reznor couldn't do better if that makes you happy.
 
LWK

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brian dont listen to these haters, keep thinking up lyrics and write some music with it in mind.
 
BryLmoo

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Kazuki Dash said:
Best part IMO...nicely done as a whole though
Click to expand...

thank you!

sometimes i just get in the mood to write....and it just comes out...

not everyone digs it...but....whatever.


LWK, i hope everything is going alright with your computer now! :)
 
BryLmoo

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let me through
one by one into you
it all seems fine to me
go ahead and give in to this feeling

......drawing a blank....this fucking sucks...i'll revise later.

:make_fac:
 
LWK

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BryLmoo said:
thank you!

sometimes i just get in the mood to write....and it just comes out...

not everyone digs it...but....whatever.


LWK, i hope everything is going alright with your computer now! :)
Click to expand...

MS antispywear heals all =P
 
roker

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syringe said:
lol, angst.

Who what are you the Roker?
Click to expand...

that's a compliment

I like it

but . . .

you know, you don't have to rhyme hat with bat

fit with lit

etc.

there are more creative ways of going about it, but I don't have any pointers as poetry is not my forte
 
roker

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roker said:
that's a compliment

I like it

but . . .

you know, you don't have to rhyme hat with bat

fit with lit

etc.

there are more creative ways of going about it, but I don't have any pointers as poetry is not my forte
Click to expand...

on second thought, I think it's pretty good

It needs polish though
 
Robert

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BryLmoo said:
this world begs me to get ahead
while my mind tells me, "go back to bed"
under the sheets of darkness i pray
"let tomorrow be a better day"
Click to expand...

My favorite part of all your poems.

As an overall opinion, I would say that the images are well chosen but the rythms is not always respected. Try to make smaller sentences to make the rythm more fluent.
 
BryLmoo

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sitting here
nothing really left to do but sleep
thinking to myself,
"what did i do today?"

tell me what you've done.
what did you do to make a difference?
have you changed someone's life?
did you make it better, or worse?
have you lived your life to the fullest extent?
are you proud of who you are?

still sitting here
the bed begins to grow
the thought, though, has changed
"in the end, who really cares anyway?"

my mind is my own personal straight jacket.
it's will is always up front for some strange reason.
it tells me when to come, and let's me go only when it's done tearing me apart.

some days i feel alive
other days just see me living in my own personal hive
striving to live my life as best i can
my only saving grace is,
i remember everything she said.
 
N

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BryLmoo said:
english motherfucker , do you speak it?
Click to expand...

What aint no country i ever heard of, they speak english in what?!!!
 
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