Wedding invitation list is getting out of hand

I'm in a quagmire. This is just fekkin wierd.

We plan on inviting around 100-120 people. That's high to begin with.

Facts & Figures:
The bride has about 20% of that while me (the groom) claims 80% of the invite population, because she has a small family, and I have 1 medium sized family, 1 large family, and 1 very large family (from stepmother's side).

Her parents don't have much money so they can't pay for shit so my bride is paying for it all (while I'm taking care of all our house needs).

My father keeps coming up with more people to invite (his friends, and shit), and now I have my stepmother's siblings asking me if we can invite not only their kids but their significant others too.

I have a feeling that many people are really happy for us getting married, and want to participate... but we can't afford this.

My dad (not his job to pay for wedding stuff) says he'll compensate us, with some money, which leaves the bride and her parents wondering, WTF? This stuff is getting out of hand for us. I know its OUR wedding, but face it; receptions are made for the guests in mind, not the bride and groom. And I know that gifts/money should pay each person their way and then some but jeeze I still wanted things to be simple.

I've tried many times to grow balls and draw the lines, and it just doesn't seem to work. Parents get pissed off when they shoot their 'wisdom' at me, and it goes against what us 2 want.

Where have you newly- married folks drawn the line with the invite list?

Can I come? I promise I wont sit down or eat anything.

Electroman said:

I've tried many times to grow balls and draw the lines, and it just doesn't seem to work. Parents get pissed off when they shoot their 'wisdom' at me, and it goes against what us 2 want.

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Gotta stick to your guns man. This wedding is for you and your to-be wife. This is your happiness. You get what you want, this is your day, and you above all else are footing the bill. I believe alot of people are trying to take you for a ride. Invite those that you truly love and know, not the friend of a friend, of a friend. I know its tough to go against the will of your loved ones, but this is where you and your wife make a life for yourself. All these extraneous people won't be their to loan you money, be there for the birth of your childern, baby sit your kids when you're in a bind. The two of you know who truly matter in your life, and those are the ones that should be invited.

tell them to stfu and settle the fuck down. if they dont listen kill them.

There's still time to call the wedding off.

I agree with Shady. My wife an I had a budget and a plan and we stuck by it. You have to be stern but respectfull with your parents. My mother-in-law wanted to invite everyone, but my wife had to put her in her place more than once. My mother had a list as well, but we broke the list down to family members I was closest too. The family I was closest too on my moms side didn't even come. So I guess we are not that close. We invited about 100-110 people and about 80-90 showed up. we spent alot of money, but it went exactly the way we wanted. Keeping it small worked out perfect. It was very intimate. We were able to talk to everyone. We funded pretty much the whole wedding. Don't use it against your family, but if you are funding the whole wedding, then you and your wife make the final decisions.

Well... You can still elope. :P Mind you, most of the time, that doesn't get you anywhere since you'll probably need to throw some sort of reception afterwards.

There are a few tips like having your ceremony/reception out of the country (limiting the amount of people that can go), and all that stuff.

There are rules you can setup about setting a maximum limit. Have the bride, groom, one parent from each side make up the list. A person can be taken off the list if there are 2 votes against. The person paying for the wedding gets 2 votes. etc.. etc..

There are other options as well.

Typically what happens in this area (not sure if this is only within my relatives) is the following:
- invite key people to the wedding
- invite those guests to the reception essentially the sit-down meal.
- throw a party after the reception that's open to other people (cash bar, DJ, hors d'oeuvres, munchies). The first dance, bouquet and garter toss happens here. Generally the extra guests (the ones that weren't at the reception buy tickets to get in, but don't bring presents) Sometimes there are tickets sold for a draw, etc. Any proceeds go to pay for the wedding, honeymoon, etc. In the middle of the party the bride and groom discretely disappear.

Since the reception venue is probably booked for the night, the added costs for the party shouldn't be that much. Hopefully the ticket sales going in would be enough to offset the costs. On top of that the people still get to participate at the bouquet and garter toss, and dance, etc.

Alternatively, you can invite a whack-load of people to the wedding and the party. But only the key people to the actual sit down meal. Not sure how things happen over there but generally people know here that you don't get a present if you're paying to get into the party.

For us, we've already warned people that we're aiming for a small wedding... It'll be a morning wedding followed by a brunch. So no drinking and no D.J. and no dancing. However, my mother made my sister promise that they'd throw a party when I got married. So we might have that party thing some time afterwards anyway.

On top of that, I'm the youngest of 3, and probably the youngest of all cousins, and I think all of my aunts, uncles, parents and siblings have been weddinged out, so it's not like there will be a feud if I don't invite everyone. My fiancee's family might want to be there but they're half-way 'round the world anyway, so that limits how many people on her side will show up.

VEGAS BABY!!!

Here's my fiancee's input:
-Tell the guy to chant this: "It's a WEDDING, NOT A FAMILY REUNION"
-The couple can give X number of seats to the parents. The parents can fill up those seats with whoever they want but no more than X number (And that's being really generous since they're not paying for it)
- Couple must decide whether they want kids or extended family present. Then they have to draw the line. ie... (If they say no kids, then what is the cutoff? No kids under 18? 15? And make sure they apply this rule to everybody or people are going to be PO when they show up without their kids and there are other kids there)
- For cousins, you can do something like First cousins allowed but nothing beyond that. Or family only--uncles, aunts, but no cousins, not even first cousins.
- the key is to draw a line and stick to it and don't get bullied into making an acception for one "special" case or it's all gonna go downhill
- And if people complain about not being invited, pull the "we're keeping it small because we can't exceed our venue's capacity". Then run before they ask why they didn't pick a bigger venue.

Tell the guy, he's not in such a bad place yet...I've read way more horrfiying cases....

Went through this not too long ago.

Just tell them "No, we're keeping it small and we can't afford it, I'm sorry." End of discussion.

It won't be the end of the world, trust me. Besides I'm sure you guys have more important stuff to worry about than this crap, add that in too, it helps.

Nesagwa said:

Can I come? I promise I wont sit down or eat anything.

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half of that is a lie

Get married in the morning - then have a "brunch" type reception at lunch time with just a few drinks and some snacks where everybody can show up.

Then have a real fancy dinner in the evening with the 40 or so people that really count (That is close relatives and the very close friends you have).

As someone previously said just put your foot down : tell the parents that there are only X number of seats for them to fill and to choose whom to invite to fill these up because you defintely do not need you mother's cousin's aunt' dogsitter to attend do you?

Electroman said:

I'm in a quagmire.

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.

galfordo said:

VEGAS BABY!!!

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My younger sister age 24 just got married last
Saturday in Las Vegas & now her baby boy has
a new step-dad who I haven't even met yet.

I try to view the photo album but my stupid
laptop computer won't let view it of her small
wedding.

open a paypal account and have people donate to your wedding fund. if you got like 20 people here to send $1 ... that would be like ... $100.

FatGuy said:

half of that is a lie

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All of it is actually

You know guys, I'm very VERY impressed with what you all had to say. It appears that much of what was written here is great stuff, and I will certainly convey it to the good woman. I am pleasantly shocked so many of you had stories/advice to tell.

Thanks to all with your supportive input thus far

Electroman said:

You know guys, I'm very VERY impressed with what you all had to say. It appears that much of what was written here is great stuff, and I will certainly convey it to the good woman. I am pleasantly shocked so many of you had stories/advice to tell.

Thanks to all with your supportive input thus far

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Good luck man. Just remember, your wedding day is for the two of you. You can't please everyone, even if you really want to, but you can make sure you and your wife are happy. You two are the center of that day and you're probably gonna want to remember it with those closest to you.

My sister just got married this Saturday. We had around 60 guest from our side, and around 100 from the groom's side. We pay proportionally to the number of guests, so my parents paid 60/160 of the total bill from the hotel lunch (which was at a 5 stars hotel as the groom's family is filthy rich).

Well, I got married in November. We sent out about 130 Invitations. But, we also cheated.

I am from MD, she is from IN. We had the wedding in MD, since most of the current friends are here, and had a reception in IN, so her extended family could celebrate, 1 week later.

We did a mid afternoon wedding, about 2PM, in a large church. I guess right around 110 people showed up, more came after the ceremony. After that, we did 'basically' a catered snack buffet (quesadillas, cheese plates, fruit plates, stuffed mushrooms, and more, all fancy like, not like it came from TGIF, but stuff even kids would eat). The food bill was $3500. The total bill for the wedding was under $6500. The reception was setup for more of a cocktail party, limited seating, so people would grab food, and be on the move, socializing. Other than 1 complaint about something the minister said in the service (and we have no idea who complained) everyone liked the wedding. We wanted simple, and we kept it simple.

Indiana was easy, we just had a party at an Amish place, nice place, in the middle of no where, and very affordable. They had a buffet with everything. Had about 30 people there, and the cost was about $9/head.