I'll paypal you $2 if you make me laugh pt. 2

Kiel

Kiel

All About Shooters Mod., If you fuck with me, I'll
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Its that time again, I'm bored as shit and I need something to keep me occupied.

You could post a joke or just something you think is funny and if I deem it good enough I'll give ya two bucks.

This applies to anyone so there is on limit to how many people can get paid either.

So if 3 of you post something really funny in a row all 3 get the money.
 
Lets Gekiga In

Lets Gekiga In

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Eh, it's a bit of a lame try, but still a try I guess (sorry if it's old)...

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
 
Kiel

Kiel

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I already did, and it was funny but since I already saw it before I started the thread I'm not gonna count it.

Gimme something new.
 
genjiglove

genjiglove

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I, for some reason I cannot explain, accidentally said nigger in front of my black co worker the other day. I've said the word a total of maybe 5-10 times my entire life, that happened to be one of them. I don't even remember why I said it.
 
Kiel

Kiel

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Bugatti's rock. I wish I had a 110.
 
Lets Gekiga In

Lets Gekiga In

Neon Night Rider
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Spike said:
Bugatti's rock. I wish I had a 110.
Click to expand...
Me too man, there's gotta be some way for me to win the lottery then I could own an EB110 and a Veyron and maybe even a Chiron (if they ever come out)! ;)
 
slerch666

slerch666

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Hear about the guy who fell asleep in the gay bar?

He woke up with a queer taste in his mouth.
 
slerch666

slerch666

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What do you call 4 dead babies with a piece of glass on top of them?

Coffee table.
 
BBH

BBH

1cc my ASS!,
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1098629149221.jpg
 
slerch666

slerch666

updyke,
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How many men does it take to mop the floor?

None, it's a woman's job.

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she obviously didn't get it the first 2 times.

What's a woman do when she gets out of the battered woman's shelter?

Cooks if she knows what's best for her.
 
Lets Gekiga In

Lets Gekiga In

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One more (also might be old):

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My dick's gone orange."

The sceptical doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Sure enough the guy's dick is orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very
strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doctor asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago
and the doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress.

The guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of unpaid overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening.
I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy."

So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures
that this has got to be the reason for all of the guy's stress.

Guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch."

So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit
at home, watch porno films and eat Cheetos".
Click to expand...
 
Kiel

Kiel

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genjiglove said:
I, for some reason I cannot explain, accidentally said nigger in front of my black co worker the other day. I've said the word a total of maybe 5-10 times my entire life, that happened to be one of them. I don't even remember why I said it.
Click to expand...

That happened to me and Criterionradiohead the other day at a party. As a bit of background info CRH is a half black but he called me that and this other black guy who came out of nowhere got in his face about it. It was not cool. At least it ended well and everyone was cool with each other.
 
genjiglove

genjiglove

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Spike said:
That happened to me and Criterionradiohead the other day at a party. As a bit of background info CRH is a half black but he called me that and this other black guy who came out of nowhere got in his face about it. It was not cool. At least it ended well and everyone was cool with each other.
Click to expand...

Yeah, the good thing about it was that my co worker wasn't pissed. We usually give each other shit because at times he tries to act like the stereotypical "hard ass" black guy, even though he can't pull it off at all and I am about as white as you can get. It's all in a joking manner though. But I still felt like an asshole when I said it in front of him. I figured there was a line, and I had just crossed it. But he was pretty cool about it. And I have about 60 pounds on him, so I knew he wasn't going to beat my ass or anything.
 
lithy

lithy

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Why did Artest leave the game early?

He wanted to beat the crowd.

Ba dum pshhh.

Thanks.
 
aria

aria

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Spike said:
That happened to me and Criterionradiohead the other day at a party. As a bit of background info CRH is a half black but he called me that and this other black guy who came out of nowhere got in his face about it. It was not cool. At least it ended well and everyone was cool with each other.
Click to expand...

What's this "half black" stuff? Too many words. It's halfrican, brah!

I'm not going to try to be funny right now because I spend a substantial part of my week being funny for the columns I write at school.

Okay, well maybe this once (credit this one to Speaker of the CA Senate):

A woman is in her house when a mouse runs up her leg. She panics and asks her husband to help. The husband calls the doctor for advice and the doctor says: "Hmm... Take a piece of cheese, tie it to a string and dangle it in front. When the mouse comes after the cheese, grab it."

15 minutes later the doctors gets a call from the husband again. "What's wrong," asked the doctor.

"Well Doc," replied the husband, "I got the cheese, tied it to a string and dangled it like you said. But as soon as the mouse came after the cheese the cat came from no where and lunged at the mouse and now we've got a whole new ballgame."
 
Kiel

Kiel

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I did use halfrican but edited it...

That joke sucks Bobak...but I do still owe you money from the last movie.
 
Eric

Eric

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What did the bartender say to the egg and bacon?

Sorry, we don't serve breakfast.


----------------------------------------------------------------------

Three best friends are at a doctor's office. One of them is a smoker, the other is an alcoholic, and the last one is gay.

The doctor sits the three friends down and says "If you smoke another cigarette, if you drink another beer, and if you have sex with a man, you will die."

The three friends leave the office, feeling pretty nervous. They pass by a bar..

Alcoholic: "I can't take it any more. I just gotta have another drink."

So he runs into the bar, orders a beer, and after the first sip, dies.

The two remaining friends are terrified at this point, as they continue on their walking home. Then, they pass by a cigarette on the ground.

The gay friend turns to the smoker and says "If you bend over to pick up that cigarette, we're both dead."
 
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Dallas_Five

Dallas_Five

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i LOLed

Hey stupid - are you too
dumb to know there are
4 different simultaneous
24 hour days within a
single rotation of Earth?
Greenwich 1 day is a lie.
4 quadrants = 4 corners,
and 4 different directions.
Each Earth corner rotates
own separate 24 hour day.
Infinite days is stupidity.
 
aria

aria

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Spike said:
I did use halfrican but edited it...

That joke sucks Bobak...but I do still owe you monwy from the last movie.
Click to expand...

haha! I win by default!

Seriously though, I realize I'm not the best at telling "traditional jokes". All my humor is analysis and critique. I'm nearly a lawyer and doomed to a life of overwork, overanalysis, substance abuse and failed relationships. On the bright side, though: my fourth wife is being born right about now.
 
genjiglove

genjiglove

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Bobak said:
haha! I win by default!

Seriously though, I realize I'm not the best at telling "traditional jokes". All my humor is analysis and critique. I'm nearly a lawyer and doomed to a life of overwork, overanalysis, substance abuse and failed relationships. On the bright side, though: my fourth wife is being born right about now.
Click to expand...

I plan to make a dramatic tv show based on your life. I will call it "Bobak: Court Appointed Attorney for Hire".
 
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