******************************************** * The Official Guide to * * Getting a Girl to Play * * Samurai Shodown V With You * * * * Version 1.0 * * June 03, 2004 * * by Scott "ClubNinja" Bertulli * * ssvgirlfaq@hotmail.com * ******************************************** Use of this guide is free; however, it may not be exchanged for profit or given as a gift. It may not be reprinted or transferred without permission from the author. Magazines - both digital and print - and web sites may not utilize this guide under any circumstances without written permission by the author. Every word contained in this guide is to be used at the reader's own risk. The author is not responsible for anything you say, write, or do. Or anything else. Please try to enjoy it. ** Table of Contents ** 1. Introduction 2. Disclaimer 3. Getting a Girl - 3.1 Where do I find a girl? - 3.2 What do girls like? - 3.3 What should I avoid doing? - 3.4 Can I show off how awesome I am at SSV to impress her? 4. Planting the Seed - 4.1 Introduction of Gaming - 4.2 Introduction of Neo Geo - 4.3 Introduction of Samurai Shodown V 5. Playing Samurai Shodown V with a Girl - 5.1 Selecting Mina - 5.2 Explaining Gameplay -5.2.2 Mina Action Guide - 5.3 The Art of Losing 6. Maintaining Everlasting Play of SSV - 6.1 Handle Defeat Gracefully - 6.2 Stop Acting Hardcore - 6.3 Outside Interference - 6.4 Keep it Fresh - 6.5 Appreciation 7. Further Questions - 7.1 Can I substitute GAME X for Samurai Shodown V? - 7.2 I hate Mina's cute little sidekick - can I slice it in half? - 7.3 Will getting her to play SSV with me lead to her playing other fighters? - 7.4 Will getting her to play SSV with me lead to other "one-on-one" activities? - 7.5 Why should I listen to you? - 7.6 It worked! Where do I send my money? 8. Credits ******************* * 1. Introduction * ******************* It was something I never would have predicted. I had been waiting several months to finally own a copy of Samurai Shodown V for my Neo Geo MVS system. The day that glorious new kit arrived, my excitement outshone even that of picking up my first Sega Genesis. Unfortunately, I had been experiencing problems with my MVS around that time, so I was admittedly a little nervous that the game wouldn't play correctly or some other such disappointment would occur. Before booting the game, I waited for my girlfriend to arrive, as she would be the necessary moral support should anything go wrong. She arrived, we powered on, and I was instantly immersed in all of the joy that was my fully-functioning new Samurai Shodown V game. Then it happened. Before I could completely take in the introduction and attract mode for a complete cycle, my girlfriend had already taken hold of the player 2 joystick and started loading the game up with credits. Now, she had never shied away from playing games (though mostly puzzlers), but I never expected she would be so immediately attracted to a raw fighter. Powerless against her, I submitted and played Samurai Shodown V with her for at least an hour. As it is today, when we play Samurai Shodown V, I generally have to be the one that says "hey, why don't we try doing something else for a while?" I am lucky. If you are reading this guide, then you're probably not so lucky. Either that, or you're awfully curious as to why an entire guide has been dedicated to getting a girl to play Samurai Shodown V. After all, this document will not clue you in on any secret gameplay tactics, nor will it outline every special move for your favorite character. So why bother? As I've learned, there's almost nothing quite like having your favorite woman (or exceptionally pretty man) truly interested and participating in your passions. Every one of you should be fortunate enough to enjoy that at some point. In this case, the target is a fantastic Neo Geo fighter. While other activities may also apply to the methodology detailed here, this guide is tailored specifically to convincing her that Samurai Shodown V is a much better way to spend quality time together than watching reruns of Friends or painting toenails. ***************** * 2. Disclaimer * ***************** The opinions and suggestions contained in this guide are (despite the belief of the author) not actually facts. To avoid possible embarrassment, do not take the information as such. Also, only deviate from the suggested methods at your own risk. Do not openly bribe a girl to play Samurai Shodown V (SSV) with you, as she will likely discontinue playing once you've run out of money and/or chocolate. Do not drug a girl to get her to play SSV with you, as you will likely end up in jail. This is a bad thing because jails usually do not have Neo Geo systems available for prisoner use. Finally, no matter what you do, the author is not responsible for anything that happens to you, including but not limited to: dented testicles, broken joysticks, chipped teeth, or shattered dreams. The only exception to this rule is if you end up with a girl who loves to play SSV with you. In that case, you owe everything to the author and may send cash or checks directly to him. ********************* * 3. Getting a Girl * ********************* For some of you, this section may not be necessary as you already have a girl (good job!). If that's the case, then please proceed to Section 4. Otherwise, you'll need to obtain an actual live girl before you can get her to play SSV with you. Now, I'm not a certified romance expert, so I can't provide the detailed insight required to find yourself a girl. There are plenty of tips and tricks posted on feminist web sites across the internet for you to study, print out, and carry along with you. For your benefit, I will try to touch upon some common and relevant questions here. 3.1 Where do I find a girl? Many of you may be unsure about where to begin searching for the perfect lady. Legend suggests that they dwell in the deepest dungeons of the earth; however, this is far from the truth. Girls are everywhere: in clothing stores, salons, bars, college campuses, and so on. They're relatively easy to spot, though this is becoming increasingly more difficult in today's society of men with long hair and women with beards. There are some places that you will *not* find girls, including arcades, video game stores, and other classy places. If you do locate a girl at an arcade, then chances are she's some sort of Dance Dance Revolution freak and must be avoided at all costs. 3.2 What do girls like? Girls like anything that costs money (or is money). This may include diamonds, candy, or a convertible car. They also feed on intangibles such as dignity and souls. If you have any of these things, then you're well on your way to attracting a girl. Should you not have such devices, then I suggest a shower and good education. If you smell nice and have a bright future, then they'll probably like you, too. 3.3 What should I avoid doing? A certain way to frighten off a girl is to talk about Samurai Shodown. While I understand this is the goal in our exercise, it's too soon to reveal your love for video games. Your best bet is to put off all game discussion in her company until you've officially captured her affections. 3.4 Can I show off how awesome I am at SSV to impress her? No. This will only cause her to begin noticing the more muscular and wealthy men around you. ********************************************** * 4. Planting the Seed (no, not *that* seed) * ********************************************** Now that you have a girl in your possession, it's time to plant the seeds that will slowly blossom into a mutual love of Samurai Shodown V. This period in your relationship is most delicate, and therefore must be handled carefully. Follow the guidelines and be sure to avoid screwing up. 4.1 Introduction of Gaming Video games are designed to be unappealing to girls so that makeup and shoe sales remain high. If a girl spends her free time playing games, then she's not out spending money. Retailers hate that. This naturally leaves it up to the most cultured of gentlemen (ie: Neo Geo players) to introduce girls to gaming. Thankfully, our hobby has been graced with several titles that act as safe gateways to more hardcore gaming. Try selecting something from her youth. If she's in her mid to late 20's, then go with Pac Man (or Ms Pac Man if she's a feminist.) Late teens/early 20's - Tetris. Anything that seems fairly harmless and unisex. Do NOT select Samurai Shodown as an introductory game. Once a game has been chosen, slowly work it into rainy day or evening activities. If you are too aggressive with your game's introduction, then the girl will get nervous and try to turn on an episode of Sex and the City. Your best bet is to wait until you return home from an exotic (read: expensive) dinner. Ensure that she has dessert before leaving, as this will heighten her happiness and make her more cooperative. Once home, allow her to pull off her uncomfortable (yet stylish) shoes and relax in a soft chair or sofa. This is the optimal moment to suggest video game play. While she may be opposed at first, she'll eventually give it a try. If you've chosen well, then she should enjoy herself and become prepared for future gaming challenges. 4.2 Introduction of Neo Geo More difficult than breaking a girl in on video games is getting her comfortable with the Neo Geo. The joysticks don't fit snuggly in her dainty hands and the game cartridges are nearly the size of her entire purse. Intimidating. The key to introducing a girl to the Neo Geo is to sell it as a puzzle game system. If we've learned anything from the Tetris experiment, it's that chicks dig puzzle games. Boot up a copy of Bust-A-Move or Magical Drop III and marvel as she takes to the Neo like it's an old friend. Remember: don't rush her into Samurai Shodown yet - allow her to settle into the system first. Gain her trust. Pop some colorful bubbles. 4.3 Introduction of Samurai Shodown V Finally, the moment you've been waiting for - Samurai Shodown time. By now, the girl should be fairly comfortable with your Neo Geo and have no reason to believe that you would lead her astray in your game suggestions. While setting up the SSV cartridge, explain to her how much the game means to you. Tell her that it's your favorite and you saved up every last penny to purchase it. This kind of sentimental crap will soften her preconceived notions of the game - if it's so important to you, then it can't be terrible. You may also want to mention how few copies there are of it out in the world, at least relative to games like Super Mario Bros and Duck Hunt. This will suggest to her that she's about to embark on a gaming journey reserved only for a select few. When introducing the game to her, regardless of what you say, be sure not to overdo it. Also, avoid describing actual gameplay - blood and sword slashing is a far cry from colorful bubble popping. Finally, when the game starts up, do NOT give her a chance to see any demonstration of the gameplay. Instead, thrust her right into the action before she finds an opportunity to back out. Now she's hooked in. ******************************************** * 5. Playing Samurai Shodown V with a Girl * ******************************************** While you may feel a bit of accomplishment that you have a girl sitting next to you poised to experience Samurai Shodown V, the most difficult task is now upon you: actually *playing* SSV with her. This experience will be unlike any other one-on-one fighting battle you've ever been involved with. If not handled correctly, then it will quickly end as the last time a girl (well, this particular girl) plays SSV with you. Ever. 5.1 Selecting Mina Perhaps the most integral part of this procedure is to ensure that the girl selects Mina as her character. Besides being relatable as a girl, Mina is incredibly cheap in her ability to fire projectiles in all directions without requiring any button inputs beyond A or B. This may seem like the simple way out, but if you expect this girl to play SSV, then you have to make it as easy as possible for her. When she selects Mina, encourage her to choose the color scheme that best suits her personality. Some girls may like the blue on white, while others will be attracted to pink on black. Regardless of choice, the act of selecting a color combination for her outfit will place the girl in familiar territory, thus lulling her into a sense of security with the game. 5.2 Explaining Gameplay This portion of play is fairly straight-forward. Tell the girl that she can move her character around using the joystick. She can also jump and duck by pushing up and down respectively. Explain that the A and B buttons make her attack. Don't bother with any of the technical garbage like her Rage Gauge or moves involving quarter circles - these will only overwhelm the girl and drive her away. Instead, simplify the process so that she can play without knowing too much. Finally, inform her that the way to win is to make your "little colored power bar" shrink down to nothing by attacking you repeatedly. She will instantly understand, as the parallels to ruining a fine evening in the bedroom here are endless. Now, for any of the ladies reading this, I've provided a detailed guide to using Mina to her fullest potential in SSV. By following the wisdom below, you are certain to defeat your boyfriend repeatedly. Gentlemen may also wish to print this Mina Action Guide out so that the girl may have it handy during play. 5.2.2 Mina Action Guide Full Name: Majikina Mina Occupation: Archer/Chick Best Friend: Cute little animal sidekick Champuru Looks: Attractive, but not nearly as pretty as you are Pretty Outfit Colors: (chosen at character select screen by pressing specified button) A - Blue on White B - Red on White C - Lavender on Cream D - Pink on Black Critical Moves: (Note: Move names may not be accurate) A Button - Fire Arrow B Button - Fire Another Arrow A+B Buttons - Fire Several Arrows up+B Button - Fire Arrow from the Air down+B Button - Fire Arrow at Enemy Feet Tactics: Mina is practically invincible. The most reliable path to victory is to position Mina on the opposite side of the battlefield from her opponent. From there, press combinations of the A and B buttons as quickly as possible to fire many arrows at her opponent. Usually, this will pin the enemy against the other side of the screen and render him helpless against your fighting skill. Should he begin to approach you, simply duck by holding the joystick down and fire many arrows at his feet. Should he hop or jump over these arrows, simply stand up and shoot him in the head/chest. Eventually, he will fall. If the opponent seems frustrated, forces his character to commit suicide, or walks away from the game entirely, then you've done everything perfectly. 5.3 The Art of Losing Once you begin playing SSV with the girl, you're going to want to promote continued play. The fastest way to terminate your session is to begin busting her apart with multiple slash combinations and fancy half circle back/quarter circle forward/down/A+B+C/spin around on one foot special moves. Chicks hate that. Instead, be a gentleman and lose. Repeatedly. In fact, try to never win. Chicks love that. Winning a battle will be nearly as fulfilling for her as watching you lose. It's a win-win for her. Now, there are several methods of sustained losing that can be implemented here. Regardless of how you do it, you must be certain that she doesn't catch on. If she realizes that you're not trying to beat her, then she'll get offended and run off with that lame Super Mario Sunshine playing guy down the block. Not good. The best way to lose is to simulate an honest effort. When she fires arrows at you (and she will indeed fire arrows at you), hop over a few them. You may even wish to throw in an occasional block. Whatever you choose, be sure to allow a few of those arrows to connect and cause damage. If you're really trying to look good, then toss a projectile back at her every once in a while. When timed correctly, your projectile will hit her arrow and cancel it out. This avoids damage on your end while creating the illusion that you're fighting back. Finally, get in close for a few slashes when the opportunity presents itself. Take your time and don't try anything funny - fast and flashy attacks will discourage the girl. Instead, take two or three slow shots before backing away from her. Again, this convinces her that you're trying to win, which validates her victory and makes her feel like a professional player. To balance your play, considering actually winning a match here or there. Aim for winning one or two matches out of ten. One loss (after a padding of several wins) won't threaten her, but it may push her to compete even harder. Eventually, this kind of training may turn the girl into a mildly decent player, which reduces the need to practice repeated losing. In fact, she may end up becoming a worthy challenger for you when you're trying to *win*. Don't rush into that, though. Miracles take time. ****************************************** * 6. Maintaining Everlasting Play of SSV * ****************************************** By following the guide up to this point, you will have successfully played Samurai Shodown V with a girl. It's an amazing feat, I know; however, there is still much learning to do. Now, you must be prepared to maintain the girl's interest in SSV so that she will continue to play the game with you. Otherwise, your relationship will grow stale and she will never play SSV again. 6.1 Handle Defeat Gracefully Getting use to losing is key to playing SSV with a girl. Initially, you'll be allowing her to win, which has no real effect on your self image. Over time, you may realize that she can beat you regularly even when you're trying to win. If you let on to your displeasure in this, then she will become discouraged and likely quit playing the game completely. Instead, you must keep your cool, congratulate her on every victory, grit your teeth, and smile. Things to avoid: punching, spitting, yelling, crying, breaking the joystick or game, and quitting yourself. Sometimes you may get the urge to just walk away, but set that frustration aside and recall how far you've come in getting to this point. Why throw it all away on pride? 6.2 Stop Acting Hardcore While the girl may have taken a liking to SSV, she's still not interested in its many intricacies. Therefore, refrain from discussions of character lineage or series history, especially over dinner or during Will and Grace. Also, donot make an issue out of the correct spelling of "Shodown". The girl may spell it as "showdown" when writing letters to her family about how the game has enhanced her life. This is acceptable. Finally, as much as you detest the behavior, do not be critical of her button mashing play technique. Unless she is causing severe damage to the joystick/control panel, let her get away with it. It's the only way she knows how to play effectively. Once this method is taken from her, she will quickly lose interest in SSV and return to pestering you for money. 6.3 Outside Interference Whatever you do, do NOT allow your friends to play SSV with your girl. She is the creation of *your* hard work, sacrifice, and dedication. If they want a girl to play SSV with them, then they can locate and train one of their own. More importantly, if one of your bonehead friends does weasel his way into playing SSV with your girl, then his ignorance to her sensitivities will be devastating. He will criticize her technique and never allow her to win. Worse yet, his behavior on the off chance that she does beat him will be both humiliating and upsetting to your girl. She will be completely turned off of playing SSV and you will be left with no options other than mangling your friend with a hockey stick. Remember the disclaimer in Section 2 - there's no Neo Geo in jail. Also, be careful to keep *her* friends away from your SSV play sessions. Besides the obvious annoyance of their shrill voices and fashion gossip, they will do anything in their power to convince your girl that she's wasting her time with SSV. In situations like this, it's likely that they will out number you and (unless you can instantaneously produce a diamond ring) easily convince your girl to drop SSV and join them at the mall. Your best bet is to play SSV with your girl in the privacy of your own home and without an audience. 6.4 Keep it Fresh Always remember that the girl may have interests other than playing SSV with you. It is a wise decision to suggest activities for you to enjoy together outside of SSV. Perhaps she'd like to take in a foreign film or a stroll through the park? Whatever her preference, ensure that she is kept happy through a variety of means so that SSV becomes a special treat and not a chore. Also, keep in mind that *you* may grow bored of SSV eventually, especially if the girl routinely slaughters you. Take a break from the game to keep it fresh. Adjust the difficulty accordingly and allow her to take on single player action for a while. 6.5 Appreciation This last bit of advice may sound obvious, but it's still very necessary. Always appreciate that the girl is willing to play SSV with you. Many men your age don't have it so good. Their girls (if they even know any) are too busy trying on bathing suits, picking flowers, or ogling construction workers to take any interest in them - let alone play a video game. Thank her by cooking dinner or writing a poem about how awesome she is at SSV. Chicks like that. The more appreciative you are, the more often she'll be willing to sit down for a bloody round of SSV. ************************ * 7. Further Questions * ************************ 7.1 Can I substitute GAME X for Samurai Shodown V? No. Only Samurai Shodown V has Mina, who is a cheap little punk with easy projectiles. 7.2 I hate Mina's cute little sidekick - can I slice it in half? Unfortunately, no. Believe me, I've tried. 7.3 Will getting her to play SSV with me lead to her playing other fighters? Maybe, but probably not. Other fighters don't offer the Mina-factor that SSV features. Even if you try to let her win in a game like Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike or Garou Mark of the Wolves, you'll still end up destroying her. She won't like that at all. 7.4 Will getting her to play SSV with me lead to other "one-on-one" activities? Unless you're particularly gifted or have lots of money, the girl will never take you seriously in a romantic way once she's wasted you a dozen times in SSV. This is why modern science has developed the internet and scrambled cable. 7.5 Why should I listen to you? Because my girlfriend plays SSV whenever I ask her to... and any other game, for that matter. I don't even need to pay her. I'm sort of an inspirational figure in that sense. 7.6 It worked! Where do I send my money? Contact me and I'll provide all the necessary payment information. Thank you. ************** * 8. Credits * ************** I would like to thank the following people/things for the success of this guide: - Me. I wrote this and I'm very proud of myself. Much thought and study went into creating a guide that was both relevant and accurate. To some gamers, this may become a cheap bible. I am proud to do my part. - Samurai Shodown V. SSV is such a delightful game. Without it, there would be no other reasonable way of introducing girls to the joys of 2D fighters. I salute you, Samurai Shodown V, as you lead the well-aged Neo Geo hardware out in a blaze of glory and splash of gore. - SNK Playmore. You've given new life to not only the Samurai Shodown series, but also the once lost Neo Geo platform. We bow to you. - Eva. My lovely girlfriend who's dedication to SSV inspired this guide. Since its arrival, she hasn't touched any of her traditional games, such as Intelligent Qube and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater X. She has even played several rounds of King of Fighters 98, Street Fighter II, Capcom Vs SNK, and soon Garou. Best of all, she required very little training and has taken pride in her advanced SSV skills (as Mina, of course.) Samurai Shodown V is Copyright SNK Playmore Corp / Yuki Enterprises. This document is Copyright 2004 Scott Bertulli. For suggestions, corrections, contributions, contact: ssvgirlfaq@hotmail.com SB 03 June 2004